Have you ever been hesistant to approach someone because you thought they were out of your league or vice versa? Are people really honest with themselves when determinining the type of person they deserve or not? What are the factors that determine if someone is in your league or not..Looks, income, job, age,assets?

I usually get an initual impression about a person, but it is along the lines of potential compatibility and not whether I am/she is in or out of her/my league, expecially when I already know that looks doesn't says much about folks anyway.  To approach or not is usually a subjective observation about her that I either find or do not find appealing to me.  Determining her "league" as it pertains to me usally comes after I get to know that person... I'm not giving any stranger that I know absolutely nothing about, mega props right off the top.

Mass:  I don't think in terms of league...but I do sometimes assess "types".  Based on my initial observations of a guy I can usually deduct whether or not I'm his type...and definitely I can determine if he is my type or not.

Some of the more superficial criteria that folks use to determine if someone is "in their league" or not is not the same criteria I apply when determining whether or not I have a shot with a guy or he has what it takes to get & maintain my interest.  And because I'm not impresed with such superficial stuff...it prevents me from being intimidated by a man that possesses any of it -- and feeling like "someone is out of my league."  Ya feel me?

I dont approach the opposite sex, but when I worked @ the hospital I worked with a really, really sexy Doctor. He always asked me to be his personal assistant and I was afraid to be myself around him because I had the biggest crush ever. Since we worked midnight, the entire shift used to go to breakfast when we worked on a Friday night. He would always flirt but I didnt want to flirt back because of all the gossip that went on in the hospital. Anyway when he met his wife he said she had the qualities that I possessed and that is what attracted him to her. There you go, I could have been with a Doctor because he wasnt out of my league in the first place, it was all in my mind. Or maybe the timing just wasnt right.

Hmm, I've never really felt like a guy was out of my league, but I've felt that a guy thought that I wasn't in his league, if that makes any sense. 

I definitely use my initial impression to tell if a guy is someone I would consider "on my level."  It's not a judgement on their worth as a person; it is a decision of compatibility and meeting my personal tastes.  I want a guy that is taller than me (in heels), attractive to me, and has an agreeable personality.  I want him to be intelligent, kind, and an overall nice person.  I'd prefer a college educated white collar dude, but if the right blue collar (or service industry) man came along, I'd give him a chance.  That would get a guy past the first round, and his character, our compatibility, would determine if things went further.

"I've never really felt like a guy was out of my league, but I've felt that a guy thought that I wasn't in his league, if that makes any sense. "


@JAT:  Makes perfect sense....

Ditto to JAT - I like that line and it's true for me too.

I will approach just about any guy I feel an attraction to. I do recognize we all have "types" but what I try to detect which isn't easy is whether that person is willing to step outside of their comfort zone. Contrary to popular belief (LOL) I may have an affinity towards a certain type of guy but I have enough evidence in my relationship and dating history to show that all the men in my life haven't been clones of each other as far as physical attributes. I think that we could all benefit from taking stock of that...I would think of myself as more of a scout and I spend time in whatever league I feel like at the time..LOL!

I have never thought a woman was physically out of my league, but I'd be lying if I haven't seen a beautiful single woman in Essence magazine who was 30 years old and already the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. I just think when you come at a woman that accomplished, you need to have your stuff together.

I have never thought a woman was physically out of my league, but I'd be lying if I haven't seen a beautiful single woman in Essence magazine who was 30 years old and already the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. I just think when you come at a woman that accomplished, you need to have your stuff together.

Hey y'all!  First time and first post on FH:

Unfortunately, I and some guys I know, tend to focus way too much on a woman's looks to determine whether she's in our league.  As if her beauty were an reliable indicator of her character and personality.  Yes, that's shallow but I'm being real here.  We never approach her, thinking she has a man already, or there's no way she would be interested in a guy like me.

Ironically, they have been women who told me that they didn't think they were in my league, and not only were they attractive but are sometimes the very same women I was so worried about approaching!  Go figure.  It's really a matter of perspective and how you view yourself that determines whether other people are "out of your league".

Hey y'all!  First time and first post on FH:

Unfortunately, I and some guys I know, tend to focus way too much on a woman's looks to determine whether she's in our league.  As if her beauty were an reliable indicator of her character and personality.  Yes, that's shallow but I'm being real here.  We never approach her, thinking she has a man already, or there's no way she would be interested in a guy like me.

Ironically, they have been women who told me that they didn't think they were in my league, and not only were they attractive but are sometimes the very same women I was so worried about approaching!  Go figure.  It's really a matter of perspective and how you view yourself that determines whether other people are "out of your league".

Yeah, I do that a lot.....Often times I can analyze a woman by paying attention to the small stuff to the point where i can piece it all together to make a bigger picture. No sense in wasting time approaching a woman whose league I'm not in.

Good point Phoenix. Definitely been guilty of allowing looks and how they even present themselves before I determine if I approach or not. My problem is that if I feel a woman is well put together, more than likely she has a man. I've learned we all have more in common and desires than we think.

"Unfortunately, I and some guys I know, tend to focus way too much on a woman's looks to determine whether she's in our league.  As if her beauty were an reliable indicator of her character and personality"

@Phoenix:  Welcome to the Hill!  I appreciate the honesty of your post.

Now, I've heard that term plenty of time, and as the analyst that I am, I ask... how?, by appearance? body type?  perceived income? religious standing? education, etc.  Can I say that this strange sista, based on initual appearance would be such a great mate with such high communication and problem solving skills, her fiscal and romantic affairs at such a high level that is so beyond my reach and ability that she is well beyond my abilities and "leaque"... no, I can't. 

In addition, perceptions when out on the town all made and dressed up does not defind reality.

I can look at a fashionably dressed, highly attractive and made up sista and say to myself that we are probably incompatible, or she may not find me attractive enough,  but definitly not out of my league.

No, I've never taken that approach to approach another.  YOu say deserve yet you also say league.  Deserving and league are so far from each other to me.  People step up to what they don't deserve too often.  There really is no league in my reality.  It is more about chemistry, connections, and ability.  A doctor and a homeless person can have these things in common.