Ok FH family.  Recent interactions with some associates and whatnot have led me to wonder - what is the big difference you EXPERIENCE when you, as part of a long-term cohabitating couple (2 years or more), get married?  I mean, you're already playing house, you are already comingling everything, what's left?  While I believe in the sanctity of marriage and the importance of publically declaring that committment, I believe (through personal experience) that shacking up takes some of the luster off of the relationship that hopefully results in marriage.  But I could be wrong.  FH, what do you think?

JAT:  Me and the Ex-hubby lived together for 8 months prior to marriage so technically its not long enough to really gauge what I think you're trying to get at with your question, and our relationship did culminate in marriage...17 years of it.

The funny thing is, that even though we were "playing house" prior to marriage...once those vows were taken and the titles in front of our names changed...so did our outlook on the relationship.  Not so much for better or for worse...it just changed.  We went from referring to each other by name when speaking with others, to referring to one another as "my wife", or "my husband". 

Also, we were more sensitive about "how" we argued.  We were not so quick to cuss & stopped calling one another [out of our] names... something we'd done previously). 

Pretty sure I didn't answer your question...but wanted to weigh in with my experience on the whole "shacking to marriage" thing.

Dashon,

You did answer, and as always, your perspective appreciated.

@JAT

We need to take a step back and find a way to portray to our youth that Marriage should be  more of a desirable goal. Cohabitating deviates from buiding a functional family in some cases. Too many of our kids within our communities are seeing that as a viable option thus always leading to an easy out without honoring any type of committment.

@ Rick:

I'm with you.  However, it is amusing to see a bunch of cohabitating couples who go on to get married, and the chicks in the church are still single.  And this goes for all my friends - black, white, asian, latin...

@JAT

Not understanding your point sister. Being a sister who's in the church doesn't automatically equate to someone who's deserving to be in a successful relationship/marriage. It involves alot more than just a spiritual connection especially when you're talking about a union between two people.

@ Rick:

Not commenting on someone's value to be in a successful relationship.  More amused by the irony of those who are active participants in an institution that preaches certain things about marriage, and others who, according to that institution, should have relationship failure - actually experiencing the "fruit" of putting those values into practice.

I do understand your point but I can't say that shacking up makes the couple less inclined to get married. Maybe the reasons for shacking up maybe an indicator of marriage or not.
1) A couple who is dating and having some problems or not, move in together to save money. Marriage is not their focal point, saving money is.
2) Couple who moves in together because they have a child and think it would be easier to do it under one roof.
3) One person loses their job so they move in with their partner.
Just a few examples to show people live together now for all sorts of reasons that have little to nothing to do with a plan of marriage.

I know one couple who lived together while dating they were fools, cheating on each other, police at their crib just about weekly, hell they have been married for 8 yrs now no problem so go figure.

What's the point of getting married after shcaking up?

These days...even though you may be shacking up with someone, you are still a free agent until you make your union legal (public records). It's all about the money and savings these days..I'd shack up to save some cash

I agree with Crucial...I especially liked the example in his last sentence. There is no set pattern or proper steps to a successful relationship or marriage....what may seems nuts to me works for others. Sometimes the most unorthodox relationship/marriage is the most stable and happy. It is when we start putting too much stock into what othrs think (outside the relationship) and letting them dictate to us what they think we ought to do...now that's a sure-fire way to effing up a potentially good union.