July 29th 2010
Why does the man always have to pay?
by G-Smoove on November 6, 2009, 10:50 am
Category Dating in GA - Atlanta
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Okay, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he and I were wondering why it is that no mater what, women always expect the man to pay for dates. We are not cheap dudes but it is the simple gesture of someone saying "hey, I'm gonna do something different this time." I have had instances where I have been at home, minding my business and a girl will call and say "hey, I wanna see you!" Naturally, a man would think to himself, "Cool." But it always turns into a thing where it costs me money. Even if a woman invites a guy to her house she sometimes will say "Bring something to drink with you." Because I am a gentleman I don't say anything but when a woman does that, it is the end of that! She doesn't get calls or asked out and if she is able to get me on the phone I am off within a matter of minutes! But I'm the DOG!!! So I want to know from men as well as women, why is it that some women feel that the guy should always pay for their fun? I date to find a partner, not a dependent! And some women wonder why he didn't call back! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! You expect us to pay for everything else so why get mad when a man feels entitled to a piece of booty. Sometimes women will even call up the guy they know is trying to get at them but they are not in the least interested in and allow this brother to take them out and pay just so they can go out and eat, drink and be merry!!! Holla at me Please!
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Join the conversation, add your comment73 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On November 6, 2009, 12:40 pm DarkNight says:
Yo, I defintely feel you on this. I like taking a woman out and treating her to a good time, but every now and then recipricate. If you ask me over, have the bubbly chilling, don't ask me to bring it. Sometimes I feel like asking for a tip. This is not all women because some do show that reciprocisty, but many just want to be taken care of.
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On November 6, 2009, 12:55 pm Wood says:
G, every brotha don't have to pay to be with a sista, and it all depends on how much she is initually feeling you. I will ask a sista to pay... have no problem with it at all, because if a sista is lukewarms towards you, she ain't paying Jack, but if she is really feeling you, it shows when she comes out of her pocket.I figure that somebody just have to get turned off pretty quick...either me being turned off because she refuse or hasitant after a few dates of me paying, or her being annoyed and turned off because I asked. Just got three Applebees/Ruby Tuesdays type dates to come out her pocket... no damn Bone Fish/ Poppadoze (sp)...lol. |
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On November 6, 2009, 2:08 pm G-Smoove says:
I feel you both! I just wonder if the women know that we know what they are up 2? Are they that lost? And they ask why am I single? One of the girls that did this to me, on the same night, asked me why God hadn't sent her a man? Then she was telling me about how she serves the lord and that she signed up to volunteer at a retirement home a few hours a week. I just silently thought to myself that if you werent out here trying to take advantage of men you may actually find a good man to be with. Just a thought!
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On November 6, 2009, 2:22 pm Chelz says:
Yeah...this issue. I was originally taught that if a man wanted your time, attention and company then he needed to call you up, take you out and pay for the outing. Your time is not free so he needed to "buy" it in a sense. As I've gotten older, I have become more concious of a man's pockets and have offered to pay for one part of the date or leave the tip. I do EXPECT him to know that he;s going to pay, but I am wiliing to chip in. From various sources I've heard "if he likes you, then he doesn't mind paying" or "he'll be insulted if you offer to pay". Are either of these true? Does your interest in us determine if you want to shell out the cash at Cheesecake Factory or if you request seperate checks? *Oh...and if I invite YOU to my house or out with me to a place where you will have to pay, then I'm going to be taking care of the funds and/or bubbly & food. I do the same with my girlfriends for lunch and dinner meet-ups.* |
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On November 6, 2009, 2:37 pm G-Smoove says:
Chelz, I like were this is going and I think you have the right idea. If a man likes you he doesnt mind paying but he wants to know that he is not doing so in vein! I have absolutely no problem paying for a date or a number of dates. My question is geared more towards the women out there who are users. I make plenty of money, (not bragging) but sometimes I feel like women use the whole "old fashioned" line to their advantage! I think they are "part time old fashioned." They are ladies when it is convenient for them to be. and I wanted to shed light on that because I hear a lot of women say that they dont know why they are single. Then they go into panic mode and end up getting with the first dude that comes along, (99% of the time this is the worst possible man they could have gotten with) I am a gentleman in every sense of the word! But I ain't no punk!!!!! And i only treat LADIES like LADIES and if she puts herself out there to be anything else then she gets treated as such. If she give off the gold digger vibe that is what she gets treated like!
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On November 6, 2009, 2:47 pm MassAppeal says:
G Smoove I see what you're saying completely. My methodology is that there must be enough level of interest between us before I start spending that good paper. So before hand, I need to have a few conversations with you to determine where I stand. I need all my time and paper spent to count. The problem is brothers go out thinking if they spend that good loot prematurely, the woman should show some appreciation. A man must gauge where he stands prior to the first few dates. If you're uncertain if she's diggin you or not, you might need to go ahead and hit that coffee shop until you're comfortable with the level of interest lbefore you spend that hard earned paper. I look at dates and paper spent as an investment so I don't mind paying if we're trying to build a team (a relationship) together. If it's a "getting to know you" outing...nah.
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On November 6, 2009, 3:04 pm Chelz says:
Ok. So...while we're getting to know each other, then you're going to take me to a coffee shop or a diner type joint. If I'm showing interest in you and you like what u see, then Chelz is upgraded to Applebee's? Hmmm...I can see the logic. Why waste money on a woman who's just trying to get a free meal and a chance to wear those new Michael Kors heels she just copped and isn't truly trying to get to know you, right?While it makes sense, I'm still a little confused. I read somewhere on this site about how men hate when women refuse to go out with them simply because they may not fit their standards precisely. Like "why not get to know the dude who works in the mailroom. Its just a date. You ain't tryna get married to him tomorrow". Now it's "don't waste my dough if u ain't feeling the kid?" If I'm way off, let me know. |
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On November 6, 2009, 3:09 pm G-Smoove says:
Exactly Mass!!! And also dont show me attention when you want to go out and dont have money to do so! Dont act like you like me and show me all the signals just to get a free meal or movie. That is selling your self short. I take out females that are my friends and pay all the time. You dont have to trick me into taking you out. The deception is what gets me!
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On November 6, 2009, 3:51 pm MassAppeal says:
@Chelz "If I'm way off, let me know" Not off at all. Not trying to waste my paper to keep you company and if you really can't see yourself with me on the regular. If the focus is really about spending time with me does the place of the establishment really matter? If a man doesn't fit your standards then simply decline his invitation |
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On November 6, 2009, 9:48 pm Dashon says:
@Smoove: Glad you noted that not all women play the money game. Check out my blog : "I Got It". I like when a guy handles the first date, I'll offer to cover the tip -- and usually my offer is declined. I'm not hung up on what kind of date it is. He can prepare a picnic basket (w/sandwich & chips) and we have lunch in the park....its the willingness to extend himself on my behalf that gains points with me. For future dates, I'll offer to treat, hell even @ the bar if I'm talking with a guy I'll offer to buy a round of drinks...it aint that deep to me.When a guy expects me to cover the first date...I admit its a turn-off. That's pretty much the limit to my "ole-fashioned" mindset when it comes to the "who should pay thing". It's not about being a golddigger or using him, its more about seeing it as an expression of his interest in getting to know me. Just like you guys look for "clues" as to our interest...we do too, and when a man is willing to make an investment (even if its just a $4 coffee), we see that as one of those "clues". Regarding asking a guy to bring something with him when he comes over, my parents taught me that you don't go to a person's house empty-handed. When I'm the one accepting the invite to come over...I arrive with a bottle of wine, or whatever I know is his drink of choice, or something else for us to share. While I don't require that a guy does the same when he comes to my home, I'm impressed when he does....its a classy move. On the flipside, I don't like when a dude I'm dating consistently shows up empty-handed and is drinking & eating up my shyt. At the very least...replace what you drank up, or bring me a damn sandwich sometimes...ya feel me? |
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On November 7, 2009, 3:45 pm Jensk809 says:
Why put a value on spending time with someone YOU want to get to know? Who cares who pays? If you're already anticipating whether it is going to be a good or bad date, then don't date. Enjoy yourselves ... regardless. People need to stop making eveything so complicated and thank God that at least you are able to treat yourself to something, and why not with someone of your interest. Whether it works out or not, should not matter. Life in and of itself is a blessing!
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On November 7, 2009, 4:42 pm Wood says:
@ Dashon, I like your balance and perspective. I always try to find a balance between me spending my money and time with whether she has an geniune interest in me as oppose to just squeezing me in her rotation of freebies. Over the years, I've always chose to date the sista who were giving me very good feedback before we even get to an actual date. What has worked for me, was that I'm willing to have any sista I meet or have an interest in as a platonic friend, and my converstation is very borderline between romanitc interest and buddy buddy friend.I'm willing to "snooze or loose" and allow a sista to get away with finding someone else, but if she has a sincere inteste, she will likely let it be known... I'm not very aggressive at all. If she expresses an interest in dating me, I willl ask her if she want to date exclusively, and take it from there. |
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On November 9, 2009, 8:16 am G-Smoove says:
@ Dashon and Jensk809: I think that you are misreading what I'm saying! Let me clarify!!! I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH TAKING A GIRL OUT AND PAYING, PERIOD! I have a PROBLEM with deceptive women who play the role in order to get something from someone they are totally uninterested in. The money has absolutely nothing to do with it. My thing is don't call me over to your house for the sole purpose of having me bring something over for you to drink!!!!! I take out firends and pay all the time! But dont think "Oh, I want to go out tonite and I have no money. Let me call Smoove and see if I can get him to take me out or at least come over and bring something with him!" And that is what it seems like tends to happen sometimes. The metality is "get what you can from a brother and move on!" Cool, but dont wonder why I may feel entitled to a few perks myself!
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On November 9, 2009, 3:44 pm MassAppeal says:
@GsmooveThere are plenty of cats who think the same way you do and it's the women who cause men to have this mentality. Women need to understand there are plenty of women trying to get over because some weak cats allowed those things to happen. But their quick to call us "Cheap" if we catch on to the games played. |
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On November 9, 2009, 4:01 pm Dashon says:
@Smoove & Mass: I agree with you that there are some women who play the money game and look for sponsors...but as you both have acknowledged not all.Smoove: My comments were more about trying to share this 1 woman's perspective on your topic....didn't miss what you were saying. The thing that's funny (and not in a humorous way) to me is that there are men who play the money game and look to women to sponsor their lifestyles or social life. And I don't just mean older woman/younger man situation...some of these old heads are on that BS too. Like Jenks said, "People need to stop making eveything so complicated and thank God that at least you are able to treat yourself to something, and why not with someone of your interest." |
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On November 9, 2009, 4:16 pm G-Smoove says:
@Dashon- I feel you big time!!! Ido see a lot of brothers that are getting over on women and to be honest about it I dont classify them as real men! Real men do it for themself, they are not sponsored! It is unfortunate that there are people out ther that are on that BS. I just wanted to open up a dialogue and see what women really thought because sometimes if feels like that only thing that keep some women's interest is how much money you spend on them. I'm not just talking from my own perspective but also form my male friends. This is a converation that all of us have. We encounter it because wa are successful black men and it is frustrating to have to keep paying for these lessons! As for the quote from Jenks, I totally feel that but it is hard when the way people are taught to interact with the opposite sex is so one sided. If I am interested in a girl then it is my obligation to get at her. Then it is my obligation to take her out. Then it is my obligation todo all of the things to win her attention. When will someone vie for my attention. Just asking because I'm noticing a pattern. All of the responsability lies on the man and if he doesnt do it then oh well. But after doing all of these thing and paying for it and the woman isn't interested, I somehow played myself? I dont think that is a balanced approach to datiing and I think the book needs to be re-written!
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On November 9, 2009, 4:18 pm G-Smoove says:
@Dashon- I feel you big time!!! Ido see a lot of brothers that are getting over on women and to be honest about it I dont classify them as real men! Real men do it for themself, they are not sponsored! It is unfortunate that there are people out ther that are on that BS. I just wanted to open up a dialogue and see what women really thought because sometimes if feels like that only thing that keep some women's interest is how much money you spend on them. I'm not just talking from my own perspective but also form my male friends. This is a converation that all of us have. We encounter it because wa are successful black men and it is frustrating to have to keep paying for these lessons! As for the quote from Jenks, I totally feel that but it is hard when the way people are taught to interact with the opposite sex is so one sided. If I am interested in a girl then it is my obligation to get at her. Then it is my obligation to take her out. Then it is my obligation todo all of the things to win her attention. When will someone vie for my attention. Just asking because I'm noticing a pattern. All of the responsability lies on the man and if he doesnt do it then oh well. But after doing all of these thing and paying for it and the woman isn't interested, I somehow played myself? I dont think that is a balanced approach to datiing and I think the book needs to be re-written!
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On November 9, 2009, 4:23 pm MassAppeal says:
@DashonYou can dress it up however you want to by saying "not all" or even "some". The bottom line is that it's enough to shape how men think. Yes we should base it case by case but it's those types of women that makes us skeptical. More than you probably think. I would even add women dangle sex to prolong the free meals, shopping spress and Woods free oil and lube changes. |
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On November 9, 2009, 4:45 pm Dashon says:
@Mass: Not to trying to dress it up...just stating it as it is. Since I'm not a dude I can't say what percentage of women play that game, but I do know quite a few women like myself who don't. And painting ALL or the majority of us with the same brush is no better than when we do it y'all because of some BS another dude has put us through....ya feel me?On the other hand, I do have some friends & associates who feel entitled to have a man spend his money on them...regardless of where he falls on her totem pole. They learned that game from men who fall all over themselves because of their beauty or their booty, and family members who have always told them how beautiful they are. As a result these "dimes" (as yall call them) feel entitled to having a dude spend his money on her regardless of whether she's feeling him or not, because men have convinced them that their beauty entitles them to being treated like royalty. Golddiggers are created...not born. For the chicks like myself who don't fit that mode...we never got that memo...so our viewpoint on the matter tends to be a bit different....ya feel me? If a guy (not saying you) pursues a woman that most or a lot of men want/desire physically....bottom-line expect to come out 'cha pocket....cause please believe if you don't....someone else who will. |
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On November 9, 2009, 4:51 pm Dashon says:
@Smoove: I agree...those types of guys are not men...at all! I understand not wanting to get played, but the thing about it is, that you could hold your cards (or in this case wallet) close to the vest and still get played on some level if she's her character is whack anyway.Don't block your opportunities because of the actions of a few (or as yall say more than a few) immature and/or selfish women. Just like you don't want to pay for the sins of our previous lovers...its not fair that the women you date...pay for the sins of the golddigers that came before them. You seem like a smart dude...when your "spidey sense" tells you this is some BS...then keep it moving. I believe that we'll always find what we're looking for...and if we're constantly looking for the BS in others that we meet...trust we'll see it. The problem is that sometimes we're so caught up in our head that what appears before us is a mirage...much like a how a pool of water appears in the desert to the thirsty man...ya fee me? |
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On November 9, 2009, 10:19 pm MakStar says:
@GsmooveI do see a lot of brothers that are getting over ....to be honest about it I dont classify them as real men! Real men do it for themself, they are not sponsored! It is unfortunate that there are people out ther that are on that BS. Yes yes and yes. THANK YOU MY BROTHER for saying this. I believe that if a man asks a woman out, he should treat. If a woman asks a man out, its her treat. I do think REAL MEN who know they are interested in someone will show her a good time and she doesnt have to worry about a thing all night long. Otherwise he should mention upfront that we will get separate checks. I also think MEN would feel less if they did agree to that. MOST MEN (REAL MEN) I would think will NOT be comfortable not treating a lady. When I've offered. Like @Dashon it has been declined and almost a look like ARE YOU CRAZY? Or even a statement like "What? Girl? you trippin, with a bothered, wrinkled brow. LOL. I think its when a women "EXPECTS" it from a man, and doens't allow him to give to her "from his heart", or "becuase he can" or "wants to" is what bothers most men. When anything is FORCED on a man there is resistence. That never works. |
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On November 10, 2009, 8:41 am G-Smoove says:
@MakStar- Please tell me that you are for real when you say that you undestand! LOL! You absloutely hit the nail on the head!!! Now if you will explain that to your fellow women and get them to understand and act upon that we would live in a perfect world, dating world that is!!! Thank You!
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On November 10, 2009, 10:56 am Wood says:
@MakStar: I do think REAL MEN who know they are interested in someone will show her a good time and she doesnt have to worry about a thing all night long. Now, as a brotha, my manhood is intact regardless of whether I spend my money on a sista or not, Otherwise he should mention upfront that we will get separate checks. I agree here 100% I also think MEN would feel less if they did agree to that. MOST MEN (REAL MEN) I would think will NOT be comfortable not treating a lady. My question is... what would a "real" sista do for her man?. Will a "real" sista cook, mop, clean, , iron, mend cloths, dust for her man? Is there a finanical expenditure that real woman should extend to her man on a continous bases? Will a real woman expected to provide sex to validate her womanhood?... help a brotha out. I mean it appears that anything that men are apprehensive in doing that provide financial cost or continuous effort and assistance to a woman is a question on our "manhood" Is there any type of deed or benifit that is or should be extended to a man that calls in question a female "womanhood" or her statue as a "lady"?... I'm just a very literal type of guy. |
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On November 10, 2009, 11:10 am msbnmd says:
@GSmoove: I entering the convo a lil late but I gotta say...on the heels of one of the MOST disasterous dates I've been on in a while:He invites me out for a second date after the first date was terribly BAD! I agree because he insists he wants to "make it up to me".....yada yada yada...and the next thing I know after a cadillac margarita, appetizers, and dinner his card is DECLINED! I was horrified, humiliated, and furious! On top of that, he looks at me, and says "can you get this?" AFTER he assured me that this was the night to show me how he felt about me!!!!!! So to answer your question..... Men don't ALWAYS have to pay....but there are some SERIOUS messages sent to a woman when a man either "can't pay" or "won't pay". Just like we hate to admit that you (men) need to believe that are sexuality is predictable and conservative we (women) need to believe that your money is predictable and solid!!!!! Trust me....if a man has funny money...there is probably a LOT of other things about him that are not in order either!!! JMO.... ms.b |
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On November 10, 2009, 11:18 am Wood says:
MakStar, I can understand questioning a man's manhood if he fails to take care or strives to take care of his family. I think there are things and actions or the lack of those things that should call in question a man's manhood, but things along these lines "MOST MEN (REAL MEN) I would think will NOT be comfortable not treating a lady." are what I've always called a bunch of BS that sistas just want to be able to "get off" on men by trying to create a climate of challenging a brothas manhood with deeds and cost that benifits them.Just imagine, a man's manhood being offically called in question based on what he is unwilling to spend on or provide deeds for someone he barely knows...that is a good one that the "sista-hood" will alway try to get off on brothas. |
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On November 10, 2009, 11:42 am MakStar says:
Hey @WoodMy question is... what would a "real" sista do for her man?. Will a "real" sista cook, mop, clean, , iron, mend cloths, dust for her man? Yes a real women if in a MARRIAGE or LIVING TOGETHER can cook, mop, clean, , iron, mend cloths, dust for her man. IF THAT IS THEIR MUTUAL AGREEMENT FOR THIER RELATIONSHIP. At the stage that I'm at I dont want to do ANYTHING that I'm NOT doing now. 1) I have a maid service once a month come and clean my home. Once I cann add more than once a month in my budget I will have them come more often. NOW, I want to be in a relationship where this will not stop. Not only will I maintain the home, with hopefully the help of my MAN, but we will have a maid service come in a DETAIL. Cooking...I dont mind cooking and doing special dinners for my family, but I would hope to have a man who not only likes to cook but ill do it just because. I DO NOT IRON, but I will take it to drycleaners. I hope to NEVER BUY another article of clothing that I must IRON again. I DONT DUST often, so the MAIDS will do it. I will sweep and mop on a daily. I dont have ANY problems with that cause I know my MAN will be taking care of his business. If a woman is dating a man...sure if she sees he needs help cleaning or hanging clothes, I think its a gesture of how she feels about him and she can offer, but he bet not be expecting it every day. or week. LOL |
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On November 10, 2009, 11:49 am MakStar says:
Hey @WoodMy question is... what would a "real" sista do for her man?. Will a "real" sista cook, mop, clean, , iron, mend cloths, dust for her man? While DATING? I see where you are getting at. "STEREOTYPICAL" roles. I see women cooking and coming over to help clean if they are in a serious exclusive relationship. BUT doing this for every man she is JUST DATING....No. I see where you are going. So well then why does a man have to pay for every woman HE IS JUST TRYING TO GET TO KNOW OR DATE? And my point is YOU DONT HAVE TO..There are MEN who CHOOSE TO..but if a woman FORCES it that is when he has a problem. There are men like msbnmd described who are TRIFLING and she should have never gone on a 2nd date with him. Cause he wan't MAN ENOUGH up front to ask her to go dutch. HE KNEW HE WAS HAVING FINANCIAL ISSUES. There are signs we have to recognize early. Is there a finanical expenditure that real woman should extend to her man on a continous bases? Again, its whatever is comfortable between the two invididuals. Usually a man wants to come over, eat a womans food, and use up her water and electricity while asking for his woman to be BETSY. SHE IS spending money on him. If he is not helping her pay bills or buy groceries. Depends on the WOMAN.. I know women who are the Breadwinner and their husbands BY CHOICE stay home and raise the kids. This is not MY Choice but to each their own. Depends on the Woman..There are men who have taken women to court for Child support and have won. So women ARE PAYING as quiet as it is kept. |
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On November 10, 2009, 11:58 am MakStar says:
LETS NOT GET RELIGOUS HERE BUT....I dont like MEN who use the BIBLE to try to get a woman to submit. In that case all this DEFINING MANHOOD comes into play. Can you Provide and Protect your woman, your family. I hear people say in dating...."You GOT to let a MAN be a MAN?" So who defines MANHOOD. There is a Societal guideline. YEAH its easy to put things off on another person and if MOST PEOPLE can do it they Will. So...men if you want SEX without commitment. And WOMEN want Commitment AND Sex. Then we are not balanced. So women just say...hey...this booty AINT FREE. Will a real woman expected to provide sex to validate her womanhood?... help a brotha out. Real women do more than that. We have babies, raise babies, and take care of our households, and careers and hold it all down. But the SEX Aint gone be FREE. For women who value themselves. Is there any type of deed or benifit that is or should be extended to a man that calls in question a female "womanhood" or her statue as a "lady"?... There are triflin women out there too. If a sister is RELYING on the man for Financial assistance and has to get man after man to provide for her financially cause she dont want to work or aint working.. Then she is in for a rude awakening. What about those women who have given up Homes, Careers, and DREAMS to get married to a man who not only "WANTED" to take care of everything, but may have "FORCED HER" to give up everything for HIM. Now they Get divorced. She has No education, no work experience, no money in the bank. If a MAN does NOT expect his woman to be HIS EQUAL, then he should take on the Most responsibility in the relationship. But that woman has to be intelligent and not allow her identity to get lost. |
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On November 10, 2009, 12:10 pm MassAppeal says:
@Mak10"But the SEX Aint gone be FREE. For women who value themselves." What are you saying? Before I give my honest response to that comment, I'm going to allow you to explain yourself further. There must be more to this statement that I'm missing. |
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On November 10, 2009, 12:27 pm MakStar says:
@MassAppeal .LOLOk i'm just voicing what I've heard other women say. Not necessarily my PHILOSOPHY but I see where sistahs are coming from. Its more of if you want this booty, which ALL MEN DO, then you got to give me something. If a woman can't have them as their MAN or their HUSBAND, well whats the next thing in line? THEIR MONEY. Men value their money and careers more than ANY WOMAN. Women who give away the Booty to every Dick (we dont need to include Tom and Jerry) must wonder what are the doing? If you are not getting a good friendship, a MAN, or a Husband, some connections to take you to the next level, or anything out of being with this man......then why are you doing this? Why would a woman date a man who CANT TAKE HER TO ANotheR leVeL or DO ANYTHING FOR HER more than what she can do for herself? NO... the booty AINT GONE BE FREE. Meaning...you just not gone come over here and can't offer me anything other than your D*^&. SO...you dont want to be my man, you dont want to marry...what else you got? Make this worth my time and my energy. Show me excitement, show me the world, take me places I've never gone before, lets go eat, go to the arcade, bowling, put-put, amusment , help me fix my fireplace, i'm running short this month.... Help me out. Brothers NORMALLY dont seem to need a woman only when he needs and wants Sex. Other than that she can't do much for him. But women need more. So we expect more and we ask for more. Why would a woman who has a great career going for her, or even in school trying to make something of herself, date a man who is not only broke, but has no potential and no ambition? If ANY woman messes with a man of ANY substance..Nine times out of 10, hE is going to do SOMETHING for her and be MORE than just a DICK. |
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On November 10, 2009, 1:14 pm Wood says:
But the SEX Aint gone be FREE. For women who value themselves.Soooo, if a sista have a one night stand, or entertains sex buddies, she doesn't value herself? Is there a "conditional value", meaning that she can really really value herself, but if she ever cheated on her man, got with a married man for a few times, or had a sex buddy, does that count against her "stocks" in value? At what point will her "value" versus his expenditures or deeds equal out? And if her value goes up, does a man's expeditures also rises in tandem with those so-called values? Are the same value levied against every man?, and if no, what determine who get exempt or a reduced rate like in a holiday special?...lol. |
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On November 10, 2009, 1:27 pm Wood says:
Make this worth my time and my energy. Show me excitement, show me the world, take me places I've never gone before, lets go eat, go to the arcade, bowling, put-put, amusment , help me fix my fireplace, i'm running short this month.... Help me out. MakStar, your comment seems more actuality than idealistic because I really see what you just stated as oppose to some other claims that many women seem to make. Now, as a brothas, we have our views, because you really left a whole lot out that men say to themselve... what am I'm getting out of the deal that I can not get from any sista or a GF. You know, it is a rumor that brothas are known to have plenty of sistas available, so the sex "chip" isn't a big one to play... it get many sistas what many seems so unsatisfied with what they are getting. Sex isn't a really big chip to play in the long run. It provide the credence of why buy the cow when you can get plenty of "milk" for free. |
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On November 10, 2009, 1:30 pm MakStar says:
@Wood .....you are tooo funny....A woman places her own value on her dastardly deeds. Well let me rethink for a moment.....A woman who needs nothing from a man but Sex can hold high value on herself. She gave the sex away for FREE not wanting ANYTHING but that. She walks away and feels refreshed and Free and ready to tackle the world. She needs nor wants anything financial, no emotional connection, no lifelong plans with this guy But this woman ALSO ISNT DATING.... Not those men anyway. If she were Dating....she could have a 1 nighter, but something had to happen prior to the 1 nighter. Who took who OUT? Who PAID? Who knows? but those two. I can't imagine even if a woman went to a bar with her friends OR alone, me up with some guy there, they had a connection and decided to to the wild thing. You best believe he didn't buy her a drink or something, you best believe she didnt' pay for the room either...LOL Value is in the MIND of the Judger. |
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On November 10, 2009, 5:03 pm Wood says:
Value is in the MIND of the Judger.This post can officially be called the "Billy Jean" post... because you Moon Walked the hell all around that question. I'll vote for you when the next election comes up... no politician got you beat with dancing around question. No brotha got you beat with dodging questions... you go sista girl...lol. |
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On November 11, 2009, 8:28 am G-Smoove says:
@ Wood and MakStar- LOL!!! that answer went nowhere fast!!! I see this a lot. Mak, I think you have it all wrong about a woman that values herself being able to have meaningless sex with a guy and that is all she wants from him!! We as human being were created to need each other, period! I especially think that women are incapeable of meaningless relations. Women were made to be the lovers and nurturers of this world so I dont think that you can turn that part of you on and of! If women would stop lying to themselves they would be able to find happiness and a mate that they need instead of always saying that they dont need a man! Yes you do and us men need a GOOD woman in our lives!!! The reason for this post was not to say that I dont need a woman, it was to see what the thinking and understanding of women is so that I can get that good woman and keep her! We are too busy telling ourselves what we dont need when the only thing wee need is to be real with ourselves. I think that the absence of Black Fathers has turned our men into tricks and our women into whores! (No Offense to anyone reading this but follow me) A woman who made the wrong choice in a man and is now a single parent needs to be real with herself and see how she made the wong decision in men and stop blaming the man that gave her all the red flags in the world!!!! Now angry, these women who have all of the influence over the next generation of children now pass the poison! They tell their sons to respect ALL women when they should respect ALL LADIES! Do you give a whore the same respect as you would give Michelle Obama? No you wouldn't! Then they teach their daughters not to get with a man who doesnt have anything. Now I dont encourage anyone to be with a deadbeat, but what about what makes you happy? You should teach them to be with the guy who makes you happy and shows you the
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On November 11, 2009, 8:39 am G-Smoove says:
(Continued)... utmost respect! I think living the FAB LIFE and Ballin" has convinced our sisters that when a man has to get up and go to work for his living or the fact that you as a woman may make more money than a man, somehow this man isnt what you want or he isnt "Handling his business" or " Doing what he needs to do as a man!" But you wonder why you are single when you werent made to be single! Your unhappy when you werent made to be unhappy! And rather than give in and say I need to change my way of thinking, you decide to go and date other single and unhappy women! WTF???????????????????? This was not a rant to get onto women! I honestly LOVE ALL OF YOU! I understand who and what you are! This was to bring attention to you and help show you who and what you are and what a lot of women are selling themselves short to be! I say this with all the love in my heart, lets step up together as men and women and reclaim what is ours, FAMILY!!!!!
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On November 11, 2009, 10:02 am Wood says:
Amen G-Smoove, I agree with many of your points. I try to share a "perspective" of a dimension based on a male's end of the coin. I've heard view from many sistas about things that pissed the sh.t out of them regarding the actions, rational, and perspectives of their men that I can clearly see within myself. Every time I hear them gripe about certain behaviors...within reason of course, regarding their man, I can say... I've done that too. Just like a car thief telling victims of frequent car break-ins on how to keep from getting your car broken in, but instead the victims want to argue to the car thief that he doesn't know what he is talking about, but yet keep getting their cars broken into...go figure.I can't imagine myself as a sista, but I just can not see or understand how they can't figure out the what and hows within their relationships to get things to go damn near how they want to go... to me, it seems so easy. I know there are sistas like Dashon and other who have been married, and have basically a been there and done that disposition regarding marriage, but you have a whole lot of 28-38 year old sistas who really want to find that special man, not as long term companion, but want marriage and family. I think many of the sistas who do want love and marriage are caught up in the same dating methodology that they use when just wanting BFs into the same arena when they want to find a special someone who could be husband potential. To me, it just seem like a very ass backwards way of going about it, and I can't see how that dating style could be very successful at all |
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On November 11, 2009, 12:31 pm MakStar says:
We as human being were created to need each other, period! I especially think that women are incapeable of meaningless relations. Hmmmm not too sure of that. Maybe the Phychie of women is changing. I think deep down inside she does want something but its not him, so if she just needs to get hers she calls him. In the meantime looking for something meaningful. Much like guys do. Men have to come to the reality that women can be and are just like them. You want to hold so many women on a pedistal but I talk to and know of course a lot of women and we talk. Its not what you think. So I'm just being real and saying what most people dont say and should say so that the blinders are off. and I can't see how that dating style could be very successful at all Women have tried ALL TYPES of dating styles to get or find what they want and do what THEY feel is necessary to enjoy their life and feel like they are living it to the FULLEST. Has ANYONE, ANYONE knowns of ONE SINGLE SOLITARY DATING STYLE that actually "Worked"? Push the Envelope, Throw Caution to the WIND, Step Out on Faith, Live, Love and Laugh Often. I say there is NO ONE Dating Style. And most people are SKEPTICS when they see something "away from the norm" and brand new. People are AFRAID of change or have a difficult time shifting OUTDATED thinking. I DONT KNOW IF MY CURRENT DATING STYLE WILL WORK EITHER, but I'm not going to NOT do it cause "ooh I DONT KNOW". HELL i'm trying something NEW, and Different. Its working for me. Hell how bout this dating style: Celebate 4 years, wait for your man meet the man of your dreams, pray and faith, get married. - Does this work? |
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On November 11, 2009, 12:32 pm MakStar says:
OH I'm sorry I DO BELIEVE we are CREATED TO NEED EACH OTHER. I was answering the 2nd part of that question about women being incapable of meaningless relationships.
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On November 11, 2009, 12:33 pm MakStar says:
OH I'm sorry I DO BELIEVE we are CREATED TO NEED EACH OTHER. I was answering the 2nd part of that question about women being incapable of meaningless relationships.
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On November 11, 2009, 12:35 pm MakStar says:
Again I ask you FH....Hell how bout this dating style: Celebate 4 years, wait for your man meet the man of your dreams, pray and faith, get married. Does this work? |
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On November 11, 2009, 1:36 pm Wood says:
I think deep down inside she does want something but its not him, so if she just needs to get hers she calls him. In the meantime looking for something meaningful. MakStar, you are so correct with that statement, but as you arlready know that any discontent that many sistas have, doesn't comes from the men where she get "her" from. Any discontent, resentment, and any anger more than likely comes from that "something meaningful" man... I contend as before, that it is the men who sistas find most appealing and finally decides they want to settle down with, who are breaking the most hearts... Let me go to work so I can finally sit on my black ass and relax and get my homework done, bills paid, shoes shined, paper read, and make my phone calls...lol. |
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On November 11, 2009, 2:01 pm JustAThought says:
Ok, I skipped the past few comments, but G smooth, I was feeling your post, until you did not address what steps men need to take to make sure they can get and keep an good partner.As for the original question, I expect the man to pay with more frequency. It's not about Applebees vs. Pappadeaux's, but occurrences. I have no problem paying for dates, but if a man that's interested in me is continually having cashflow problems, and yet hasn't figured out free or low cost ways to take me out, then he is sending messages that he does not value me or my time. Is it totally, 100% equal? No. But men are programmed to protect and provide. If he can't find creative ways to do that, he is not going to feel like a man, and I'm not going to feel taken care of, which is a BIG part of me wanting to be with a dude. I am an adult, and am not looking for someone to take care of me, but I do need to feel a sense of security with my man.As for the sex thing, I feel that women, due to the double standards of our society, are always in a better position to refrain from indulging in it because we are viewed differently regardless of our motives, actions, etc. You don't have to play games, but restraint has less consequences than other choices.
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On November 11, 2009, 2:05 pm MakStar says:
Any discontent, resentment, and any anger more than likely comes from that "something meaningful" man... Yeah but what is she mad at? She finds that something meaningful man who PAYS. LOL! OK they are dating, things are going good, one, two, six months, ooooh come on choooo choooo TRAIN! YEA chugga chugga chugga chugga. He CHEATS! What is SHE MAD AT? Did he put a RING ON IT? Thus not stopping his desire for such behavior but should give him a since of I'm disrespecting my wife, my family with this mess. SHE SHOULD BE MORE UPSET, but at the same time Still realistic if they are MARRIED and he cheats, ONLY BECAUSE he should KNOW Better, Not because Marriage should STOP him from cheating. She finds that something meaningful man who PAYS. LOL! OK they go out a couple times, she really likes this guy, ooooweee, sex good, yummy good kisser, aw, he remembered her birthday, he is unavailable, she calls him, he dont call back, he calls, she is available, they go out, MAN!!! he is a good catch. Ohhhh I cant get enuf of this man. Gosh darn Bleepin Bleep Bleep, I woulnd mind if he werr MINE. Things are rocky, but good, no one talked about exclusive or marriage, just dating, dating, dating, going good, one, two, six months, ooooh come on choooo choooo, she sees him every so often but when she does OHH yea BABEEE sparks are a flying high, she and he are on top of the world , they get a long GREAT, ok had a few spats, but she KNOWS SHE IS NOT his woman. Chugga Chugga Chooo along, She never becomes the girlfriend or the wife..what is she mad at? |
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On November 11, 2009, 3:18 pm G-Smoove says:
MakStar, I still respectfully disagree with you!!! You women think that you are just like men but I can guarentee you that you are not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't out dogg a DOGG!!! Not to call us men dogs but just like we cant do certain things that you all can do! You are recievers and when you are having sex with a bunch of different men you are recieveing a buch of different spirits and energy into your being!!!! No wonder why some sisters are so confliceted towards themselves? Women need to be equal to men in their own respective arenas. Not competing with a man for his manhood! YOU CANT BE MORE MAN THAN ME, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! I CANT BE MORE WOMAN THAN YOU, NO MATTER WHAT! The difference is that I am not competing with you for your womanhood but for some reason women feel the need to challenge men for his manhood! Thats why there are so many cases of domestic violence. And the women are challenging men who arent sure of where they stand on the manhood scale! Truth be told there is no competiton and sisters should start realizing this becuase if they dont they are going to be used as nothing more than sex dolls and entertainment for us. Every woman naturally has the erge to be a mother! That is why you all are so good at being understanding and nurturing. A man that wants to really talk about his feelings does not go and talk to his homies about them! He will talk to a woman though. This is because he can tell the woman how he really feels and still feel like he is no less of a man for doing so. But if he were to talk to his boys about his true inner fellings and hurts, his boys would say he was soft or tender or a PUNK! I feel you when you say women need to feel safe and secure and I am all for that. The point of all of this is to feel appreciated and not tell us with words or actions "because you are a man Im already entitled to this
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On November 11, 2009, 3:23 pm G-Smoove says:
(Continued)... and if you want to get with me, these are the terms!" Relationships are about compromise and appreciation! All we men want is to be appreciated and not encounter and attitude of entitlement when we go on a date or become involved with a woman!
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On November 11, 2009, 3:51 pm MakStar says:
Women need to be equal to men in their own respective arenas. Not competing with a man for his manhood! No one is competing. we are just getting ours to. Has nothing to do with you. Thats why there are so many cases of domestic violence this is NOT TRUE. A man that CHOOSES a certain type of woman that he can get Over and Abuse. These are Demure, Low Self-Esteem Women who have lost thier Identity. I have NEVER been in a domestic violence situation. YOU NEED TO EDUCATE YOURSELF ON THAT SUBJECT. Because its about POWER and CONTROL, not what that woman DID to that man. Not because she CHEATED or LIED. Its because that IDIOT MAN who has Low Self Esteem and a Corrupt Self Image is taking out HIS ANGER on a Helpless Woman. Relationships are about compromise and appreciation! I agree All we men want is to be appreciated and not encounter and attitude of entitlement when we go on a date or become involved with a woman And so do women. @G-SMOOVE Men need to understand that they Dont need to DISH OUT what they CANT TAKE. How long did nen think they can lie, cheat, beat, have multiple families and children, disrespect women and the table NOT turn? How long did nen THINK they could go about their terrible ways and women NOT RISE UP and reclaim their power. they dont they are going to be used as nothing more than sex dolls and entertainment for us What about the women who were always down for their man, never cheated on him, always there and HE STILL USED HER and TREATED her like SHIT and just for Entertianment. |
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On November 11, 2009, 3:52 pm MakStar says:
NOW THE TABLES TURNthey (MEN) dont they (MEN) are going to be used as nothing more than sex dolls and entertainment for us (WOMEN) Can you TAKE WHAT YOU HAVE DISHED OUT FOR SO MANY YEARS? There is NO Competition. Just the way it is. |
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On November 11, 2009, 4:03 pm MakStar says:
STEREOTYPES1) Is EVERY MAN you know CAPABLE of Protecting and Providing? 2) Is EVERY MAN you know CAPABLE of Being a Good Father 3) Is EVERY MAN you know CAPABLE of Fixing things around the house 4) ARE ALL MEN GOOD lovers? 1) Was EVERY WOMAN you know BORN to be a Good Mother 2) Was EVERY WOMAN you know BORN to keep her house clean or even KNOW how to cook 3) Was EVERY WOMAN you know BORN to be able to BIRTH A CHILD? 4) Are all WOMEN excellent RECEIVERS? 1) Can every human being go through college and become a Doctor? 2) Can every human being learn to Build a Space Ship? 3) Can every human being be President? These are Terrible Stereotypes. Which not every Male or Female species can fulfill. A GENDER does not DEFINE what ONE is capable or SHOULD BE DOING. The ONLY thing that separates men and women is the ability to BIRTH A CHILD. Other than that its a toss up. IT IS MY OPINION and you can respectfully agree that - There are SOME WOMEN who ARE BETTER providers than Men. There are LOTS OF MEN who can cook and clean and they can PROVIDE. There are Men who Cant Provide AT ALL, and the woman is holding down EVERYTHING. |
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On November 11, 2009, 4:09 pm MakStar says:
You are recievers and when you are having sex with a bunch of different men you are recieveing a buch of different spirits and energy into your being!!!! No wonder why some sisters are so confliceted towards themselves? I respectfully DISAGREE with you. By nature we are programmed to want ONE partner. Men are NOT. However, our culture has stripped us of this understanding. We were told by some religion that there should be 1 women 1 man no divorce. Men were not supposed to go off and have families and othet women and HURT the woman who BELIEVED in HIM so much. Men DIVORCED women and so now we search for that man to Love and Protect us. So in the meantime, women date again and meet someone and men dont want relationships WITHOUT SEX. SEX has been going on Forever and Your Moms and Dads did it before they were married. SEX is a natural HUMAN instinct not a man or a women thing. So unless MEN MARRY US and LOCK IT DOWN. Hey we are all adults here. We have NO CULTURAL Foundation, therefore WE CREATE OUR OWN. And we can blame that ON the white man. |
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On November 11, 2009, 4:13 pm MakStar says:
No wonder why some sisters are so confliceted towards themselves? Women are conflicted because we ALWAYS desire 1 partner and would stick with him for LIFE. MEN ARE NOT. Women continue to try to Make things work with a MAN. Most men could care less. We are FORCED to move on because man have so many choices, they dont know WHAT they want. So what do we do with that? Especially when we have lost ANY SENSE of a cultural reference or Tradition. |
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On November 11, 2009, 4:16 pm G-Smoove says:
I havent dished anything out! ANd when I speak about women Im not speaking about all women!!! As for domestic violence, I am very educated on the matter because my sister is in a situation now that is violent! Ihad to get on the road this weekend to go looking for an individual! I dont comdone it but I do understand the feelings that come aloong in men, I am a man! I also know the BS that my sister does and says that can provoke somone to violence because I grew up with her and I know how she could make me and my brother feel! You speak to me as if I have personally done you worng, Have I? And if I have it wasnt intentional. And just because men have done it for years does it make it right for you to do it? You are accountable for your own actions so dont blame men or bad relationships! This is what I am talking about. I am not saying these things to create an adversary. I am merely pointing out things that you as women may not see from a male point of view! Im no ttrying to lay blame and I think that there is where the breakdown occurs. Truthfully, everyone is to blame for the state of things, both men and women. What I am seeking is a solution, not more problems. The tone of your response makes me feel as if you have been hurt and have given up on having a MEANINGFUL relationship. If this is true then I apologize on behalf of the men that did you dirty!!! But having the attitude of " Now women are just dishing it back" is not the way to a healthy lifestyle! I cannot speak for all men or women. Just speaking on my own experiences and trying to educate myself. But what about the red flags! You didnt address that. What about the women who knowingly enter or stay in a relationship with someone who is no good for them? Im not pointing fingers at anyone but me! I am sharing what I have seen and am asking for anwers to
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On November 11, 2009, 4:21 pm G-Smoove says:
my own curisities and not for figers to be pointed or blame to be layed down. There has been enough of that and we see where that has gotten us, nowhere fast!!
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On November 11, 2009, 4:38 pm MakStar says:
But what about the red flags! You didnt address that There is so much to talk about you can't possibly do it all at once. I can give you a list of things i look for that are red flags but it takes all day. I havent dished anything out! Well then you should NOT expect for a woman to treat you unfairly. But I was talking about MEN in general who have caused a shift in the way people date and look for a meaningfull relationshp. The tone of your response makes me feel as if you have been hurt and have given up on having a MEANINGFUL relationship. If this is true then I apologize on behalf of the men that did you dirty!!! Havnet given up, still pressing on. I am actively dating ONLY Available, men who fit my profile. Maybe one of them will think I fit theirs. I accept Your apology cause WHEW! Nothing recent though. We all have a past. I am very educated on the matter because my sister That is only 1 situation. There is a broader perspective as to why men are domestically violent. A women provoking them IS ONLY ONE REASON. And just because men have done it for years does it make it right for you to do it? Eye for an Eye is never good. But it happens. We can't control any mans or womans behavior or thinking because their experiences are going to shape who they are NOW. What I am seeking is a solution, not more problems THIS IS TRUE. NO ONE ON THIS SITE HAS BEEN SUCCESSFUL AT THAT. EVEN THAT Dr. GUy they have on here. LOL terrible but not funny. |
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On November 11, 2009, 4:44 pm MakStar says:
Also I'm not your adversary. sorry about my tone. that seems to happen from time to time and people take it the wrong way. I apologize for taking that tone with you. FRIENDS? :) |
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On November 11, 2009, 6:13 pm Jensk809 says:
Why do men always have to pay?Because they do (PERIOD). It is what it is. Just like men only want booty, women want men to pay. |
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On November 11, 2009, 9:46 pm MakStar says:
@Jensk809GIRL That is EXACTLY what I said earlier in a response. @Just a Thought .....but if a man that's interested in me is continually having cashflow problems, and yet hasn't figured out free or low cost ways to take me out, then he is sending messages that he does not value me or my time. ..... and I'm not going to feel taken care of, which is a BIG part of me wanting to be with a dude.. I am an adult, and am not looking for someone to take care of me, but I do need to feel a sense of security with my man EXACTLY... I agree |
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On November 12, 2009, 11:52 am MakStar says:
@G-SmooveThats why there are so many cases of domestic violence Why there are so many cases of domestic violence means the MEN were not mature enough or LEADERS enough or HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD ENOUGH to Walk Away. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for ANY MAN to put his hands to harm or injure a woman or ANYBODY. But what about the red flags! You didnt address that Gsmoove didn't you say that your sister exhibited behavior when you guys were kids that concerned you. And this provocation is probably playing out in her relatinship? WHY? didn't you warn that brother before he married or got with her. Sometimes you can warn people and they STILL move forward with the relationship. But what about RED FLAGS men see and STILL stay in the relationship. |
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On November 13, 2009, 11:57 am Wood says:
Because they do (PERIOD). It is what it is. This is sooo true...to a certain extent, and many brothas really know how to work this magic to their advantage. The "wrench in the work" for many sistas is that they put a whole lot of weight on this end of the bargan when it comes to which man they want to spend their time with...every man knows this right out the box, from the bonified no good players with more than a "few" kids and who really don't want to work that much all the way up to the sincere brotha who has serious intentions, is hard working with a good paying job and drives a VW Jetta.Far too many sistas are fixated on who is putting out the biggest presentation with dates, events, and conforts to them with the least amount of input from them...until they are ready to sprinkle a few "fragments" into the relationships. A sincere guy may be really looking into the depths of the woman as to trying to gauge how she will fit into his life, and may want to see some financial input or efforts from her. A player or many men who are not as sincere after six months, will often time put out the big effort or display just to win the sista over, as oppose to a man who is "handling" his business and feel that he need to present himself in a way that he knows up front that he is willing to maintain for the long haul. The thing is too many woman will fall for the "fools gold" with brothas who got the game down pat with the dress, mannerism, ride with shiney rims, expensive brand name accessories on display, a clear presentation to the sista that she doesn't have to come out her pocket for anything... that is pure game and has nothing to do with a man's sincerity, nor his ability to "afford" to do or purchase anything. Men also look for a certain "disposition" in his woman. He want to see if his potential woman is "willing" to... I always laught at sistas dating methods...lol. |
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On November 13, 2009, 6:08 pm Wood says:
G-Smoove, man, don't bang your head trying to convince a woman on anything. Women are like Upper Management, in that they can't see sh.t unless they feel it was their idea. I feel that many aren't having the romantic outcome that they are ultimately seeking, but are too pig headed to listen to word anyone tells them...its ok. My position is if they were to become very good or successful at this romantic game, the "brotha-hood" would be up sh.t creek. The more they think they know what they are doing and continue to make piss poor decisions and choices, the more brothas can continue to run our program without consequences. G, there is a "market" for every brotha in the romantic game. After they get fed up with running their game of being out there having their fun in the "fun" market, and getting things, as they say "out of their system"...and are now looking to settle down... there is a "market" of brothas waiting to pick up the batton from the players who they are wanting to leave behind. G, this "market" is pretty deep and plays for keeps. This is the part in the Wizard of Oz when the singing and skipping stops...lol... the yellow brick road has ended. Toto jumps in the basket...lol. This is when they often reaches a point of giving up and going celibate or wanting to "try something new", ie, WM... brothas aint no joke in this market, hell, they are breaking hearts in this market. This is when hearts gets broken, fraustration runs high, precious time gets wasted, clock runs low or out, hopes get dashed... don't tell them nothing. Just let them keep running their faulty program... |
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On November 13, 2009, 8:28 pm Jensk809 says:
The more they think they know what they are doing and continue to make
piss poor decisions and choices, the more brothas can continue to run
our program without consequences.<!-- @page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> From the beginning of time a woman was
deceived and was asked to eat something forbidden so that she would
gain knowledge. A man was standing beside her and did not say
a word. He allow the woman to take it because he
wanted that same knowledge too. But at no moment did he try to
defend or stop the woman from being deceived. He did not object
to taking the forbidden fruit either as she passed it on to him
because she was naive and vulnerable. When he was asked about
what happened, he said "the women you put here with me gave it to me". Therefore not taking accountability for what
had happened. |
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On November 13, 2009, 8:31 pm Jensk809 says:
The more they think they know what they are doing and continue to make
piss poor decisions and choices, the more brothas can continue to run
our program without consequences.From the beginning of time a woman was deceived and was asked to eat something forbidden so that she would gain knowledge. A man was standing beside her and did not say a word. He allow the woman to take it because he wanted that same knowledge too. But at no moment did he try to defend or stop the woman from being deceived. He did not object to taking the forbidden fruit either as she passed it on to him because she was naive and vulnerable. When he was asked about what happened, he said "the women you put here with me gave it to me". Therefore not taking accountability for what had happened. You see, a man will always use a woman to get what he wants. It will take a whole lot of a man to not want to use that blind fold that she was given by the deceiver, and use it for his own benefit. |
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On November 14, 2009, 8:50 am Wood says:
"the women you put here with me gave it to me". AAAAha!!... she boobie trapped him...lol. Man, what a set up...lol. |
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On November 14, 2009, 12:49 pm MakStar says:
@Jansk809KUDOS GIRL.....You said it and that is SOOO VERY TRUE. There are SO MANY instances in the BIBLE where MEN let women run it ....... .....when they were SUPPOSED TO Take the LEAD. And THIS what GOD was sooooo angry at. @Wood.........Yeah Go head and "LET US" fall flat on our face. That is such a UNIFIED way of thinking for the betterment of our culture. AM I MY BROTHERS or SISTERS Keeper? |
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On November 14, 2009, 6:10 pm Jensk809 says:
wood - I have great sympathy for you.Makstar - He also needs to be a protector. What he did, and what men do, is wash their hands pretending that they have no guilt. He blamed it on her, just like men use us as an excuse for their behavior. Men will always use women to get what they want. That is why we need to look at what's in their heart. Because men can be very wicked. Remember, spoken words come from the heart. What people speak is how they are within. |
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On November 15, 2009, 7:13 pm Wood says:
@Wood.........Yeah Go head and "LET US" fall flat on our face. That is such a UNIFIED way of thinking for the betterment of our culture. LOL, I'm all for my sistas having romantic success and to be blissfully happy and all, but I personally feel that many of you guys really enjoy "cruising for a bruising" in the relationship arena. With all the "Zane" type books and others that deals with romance and love, I am astound that something hasn't been figured out on how to get whatever romantic outcome that is desired. I'm not willing to put the romantic failure on the "brotha-hood", because many are failing to secure the romantic outcome of even serious minded brothas. I hear sistas say that men always want to run game, lie, etc, but look at the whole romantic atmosphere that has been created right out the box. When I made a comment of " women can't measure arms with a man", I was talking about how many of you sistas got this line of think... men do it too, etc, but the perception are very unequal based on the same behavior. You can't do what we do and expect to be viewed the same, that is what I meant. Believe me, I enjoy all the uncommited loving and companionship that I've gotten over the years... I'm sure other brothas are also, but damn, you guys want the same "brotha-hood" to have an elevated view regarding many of you as someone we should really want to be with. Hell, with the way the courts, and the way that many spent their time running around having their fun while "single", I'm like come on now... can you really blame brothas for being a little apprehensive about getting married? AM I MY BROTHERS or SISTERS Keeper? I am my sista's keeper, but romantically, you guys have to make some changes that foster an atmosphere where you can be perceived as being on the pedestal that many men want there significant other to be. |
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On November 15, 2009, 7:42 pm Wood says:
wood - I have great sympathy for you. Jensk, why, I don't have a gripe or compaints.Makstar - He also needs to be a protector. I'm am, but I'm also indifferent when someone insist on charging full speed ahead without having the slightest idea of what they are doing or the predictable undesired outcome. Yeah, the "brotha-hood" can be a steaming hot mess, but you guys are right down in the "pits" with them...until the time you guys want to flip the script and try to have a serious relationship with the same men whom you guys were in the pits with...thats on the "sista-hood". What he did, and what men do, is wash their hands pretending that they have no guilt. I'm not going to hold brothas responsible for a woman's romantic outcome. Too many utilzed some off the wall perception of what is being used as atributes in determining which men get the attention. Far too man are sexing feely and having babies with a bunch of "that guy", who don't spend time with, never had any plans of marriage with the mother, nor is any weight given as to whether he can or plans to financially support the child. We all make mistakes, but heck, why must some bump their heads up against every wall? Many things can be easily avoided. I just shake my head at the notion that for many of you at one time or another, equate intelligence and book smarts with being a "nerd"...lol. I bet there isn't such a association when a sista hits her mid thirties and realized how fraustrating the "game" is when she want a serious relationship...imagine the years wasted and good brothas pasted over with holding on to such silly notions. Imagine all the nicely dressed yet substantial brothas who got pasted over for brothas who knew how to perpretrate the "style" and mannerism to attract the sistas better than the brothas who had more to offer. You guys need to do better. |
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On November 16, 2009, 8:34 am G-Smoove says:
@MakStar- SOrry it took so long to respond but I feel what you are saying. Your tone was just a result of what experiences you may have had. That is a perfectly human response! We are definatly cool!!!!! FRIENDS, Yes! I am feeling what everyone said about this matter. I think that the dialogue was opened and we can see a little deeper into the matter. As a man, I could care less about the financial aspect of dating! I'm out of what, $50 or $60? Again, and I stress this point, it is ablout peoples attitudes towards the other person and I think that certain rules have been put in place when it comes to dating. Then I think that men and women are judged so unfaily according to these rules that noone even knows who wrote. The point I am trying to make is this!!! GO WITH WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!!! The only person that you have to please is you. Women, if you want to be with a man who may be struggling (NOt A deadbeat) then by all means be with that man. Beacuse if you pass on him and he ends up making someone else happy you will forever be angry at your self and take it out on other men for doing so! Stop listenig to what your other single firends saya when they voice their opinions that dont matter! If you really think about it, your frinds that are happily married dont give you advice on how to get over on a man or tell you who aint no good for you! They are usually trying to hook you up with other good people so check it out and know that if you truly want to be married, some things abhout the way we all think have to change!
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On November 16, 2009, 8:56 am MakStar says:
@Gsmoove - glad we are friends. :)If you really think about it, your frinds that are happily married dont give you advice on how to get over on a man or tell you who aint no good for you! I must be attracting the UNHAPPILY MARRIED Friends cause the married sista that befriended me DID tell me who was no good for me but at the same time, didn't SCREEN the men she was introducing me to. I told her that her advice was not working for me. Cause it was a group of them out cheating on their husbands. LOL. THANKS GSMOOVE AND DONT EVER STOP GIVING THE WOMEN ADVICE. This was a gREAT post. |
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On November 16, 2009, 12:41 pm RickGeez says:
Its all about respecting each others time and financial situations.
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On November 17, 2009, 1:41 pm Jensk809 says:
When men and women, specially Men understand this - we wouldn't be questioning so many things.Fruit of the Spirit is Love Is the Character of Love in you? Here is how you can find out. Take a careful look at this character and fruit of love from God’s most precious Word by examining the passages below. Now ask yourself: 1.How do I exhibit Love in my daily life? 2.What can I do to develop a more loving attitude? 3.What blocks love from being expressed in me? 4.How can I make love function better, stronger, and faster, even in times of uncertainty and stress? http://discipleshiptools.org/apps/articles/default.asp?articleid=36685&columnid=4166 |
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On November 17, 2009, 1:42 pm Jensk809 says:
Wood - you express so such, but miss the point.Topics: Marriage, Love, Love, Patience, Peace, Holy Spirit, Joy, Kindness, Fruit Of The Spirit, Faithfulness, 1 Corinthians 13, Gentleness, Goodness, Galatians 5 |
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On November 17, 2009, 3:04 pm Wood says:
Probably so... but hey, have a joyful trip, and don't forget to bring me some of that good corn licka back...lol. *Handing Jensk some top shelf bottle of Morgan David...20 20 for her trip* |
