I had a conversation the other day about sex addiction and I wanted to get a general consensus from my FH family!  Do you believe that sex addiction is a real condition and if so do you believe that it is something that you can be cured from?  Given the recent escapades of Tiger Woods and then checking himself into a sex adiiction clinic, I had to pose the question.  My own personal feelings on the matter is that there is no such thing!!!!!  There is a problem with being promiscuous but being a sex addict is outragous!  YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX!!!!!!  You are not supposed to do drugs or alcohol but you are supposed to have sex with the opposite sex.  It is a part of our make up.  And as black people we tend to have a higher sex drive thatn other races but I think that we are being played!  America is an over medicated, over diagnosed, and underacheiving nation and for some reason we are just willing to believe anything!  They said the same thing about Eric Benet.  To be totally honest, if I had millions or billions of dollars I would not be in a relationship, or a monogomous one at least, not until I had gotten all of my playing out!  And with millions there is a lot of playing to do!!!!  Saying that you are a sex addict is a cop out!  It is totally shrugging the responsability a person has to make decisions and be held accountable for them.  Tiger, Eric, and any other man that has taken this route are lying to you and to themselves!  They jus t like sex and because of who they are it was redily available to them!  If you ask every straight man in this country if he had millions of dollars and thousands of women at his disposal would he be faithful and I guarentee that if they told you the truth they would say a resounding NO!!!!  So FH, I'm asking you to tell me how you feel on this matter and please think about this before you answer!!!!!

Whoa Smoove..I don't know where to start with this one. Well let me say this.. we all know men are greedy as hell and we know the best piece of a$$ is a new piece of a$$ (thats what I've been told by a good amount of men). It doesn't make it right but for some reason, some men can be "addicted" to the challenge of counquering something new. Since men are so competitive would it be more of an addiction mentally than it would be physically?

On the flip side if I was to obtain $1M and to say I wouldn't want to settle down can be false. You can have all the sex you want at your disposal and it would be cool for a minute but that wouldn't substitute or fill that void of having someone special in your life.

That's about as political as I can get without offending someone.

@G-Smoove
I think you're right about it in the sense that it is an excuse. Its no different than addiction to food. You require food for nourishment just as you require sex to procreate (purpose in mind, nothing intended here) The problem lies with outer influence telling someone who is overindulgent, that they are addicted to it. Anyone can overindulge on anything today be it chocolate, shoes, or money and give it up tomorrow. Who's to say that one indulgence is justified over another? And since I'm comparing sex to food, what's gonna happen down the road when people start referring to it as some sort of predispositon/genetic disorder of some kind? Where do we draw the line?

I am a believer that people are sex addicts. I have heard of housewives going out and meeting men in bars all day just to have sex. Men on the other hand do the same thing but on a larger scale. Yes, food drugs and sex is all addictive. Sex addicts have difficulty distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy behaviors. It is very difficult to overcome this behavior and no amount of money spent in these rehab facilities are going to help. I dont want to compare sex addicts with pediphiles but neither can be cured. When you are just having sex just because with no regards to who you are hurting including yourself I think you have a serious problem. I am not talking about the single man or woman who are just getting it whenever they want, I'm referring to the married man who is screwing multiple women w/o a condom or the housewife doing the same with the possibility she could wind up pregnect. When you are putting your life and others in danger and dont care because you are so out of control or the addiction is controlling your life, you are so addicted. You need to find the underlining cause of the addiction and get help for that. The addiction is what you are doing to stop the hurt or the thing that is manifesting inside of you.

Hey GSmoove:  LTNS....welcome back!
Now as to your question...I think Sex Addiction is real.  I don't think that every promiscuous person is a sex addict, however I think that like some of the things you mentioned...folks will seek out & indulge in their "drug of choice" even at great personal cost or consequence to themselves and loved ones. 

In my book, that's when it goes from being just something that a person likes to do...to something that a person NEEDS to do, in order to get through the day, week or whatever.  And that is exactly what an addiction feels like...A Need.  Its that NEED for it that makes it difficult for a person to just stop the behavior...even when their mind & heart may want to.

Also, I agree with Mass....not EVERY dude would jump on the chance to have a different azz in their bed every day if given the chance...just those who are either sex addicts, or don't place great value on their own "Power Tool".  Just my 2.5.

I think that yall are being unrealistic!!!!  Not trying to start nothing but hear me out!!!  I work in the entertainment industry (Film and Music) and I tell you that I dont see how a brother can be faithful in that industry!  This is my perspective!  I understand and agree with some of the points that Dashon and Loveless made and I can tell you without a doubt that "A hard dick has no conscious!"  That is being real!  If that is the case then all men are sex addicts and I dont believe that!  I think that the label "addict" is a strong and misleading term.  An addict seeks a cure and a way to stop doing what it is that they are addicted to.  But you shouldnt stop having sex.  It is what we do and everything that we do ultimately is to get sex, at least when it comes to men!!!  If a man will be real and I mean really real, he will tell you that if he reaches a certain point of arousal something else takes over!  That is not addiction.  Women also dont understand that sex has absolutely nothing to do with love in the mind of a man!!!  They say they do but they really dont understand that!  So if a man is sexually wreckless he is not doing it and thinking about who he could hurt.  Im not saying that this behavior is right but it is the truth and I am trying to be honest!

I think that yall are being unrealistic!!!!  Not trying to start nothing but hear me out!!!  I work in the entertainment industry (Film and Music) and I tell you that I dont see how a brother can be faithful in that industry!  This is my perspective!  I understand and agree with some of the points that Dashon and Loveless made and I can tell you without a doubt that "A hard dick has no conscious!"  That is being real!  If that is the case then all men are sex addicts and I dont believe that!  I think that the label "addict" is a strong and misleading term.  An addict seeks a cure and a way to stop doing what it is that they are addicted to.  But you shouldnt stop having sex.  It is what we do and everything that we do ultimately is to get sex, at least when it comes to men!!!  If a man will be real and I mean really real, he will tell you that if he reaches a certain point of arousal something else takes over!  That is not addiction.  Women also dont understand that sex has absolutely nothing to do with love in the mind of a man!!!  They say they do but they really dont understand that!  So if a man is sexually wreckless he is not doing it and thinking about who he could hurt.  Im not saying that this behavior is right but it is the truth and I am trying to be honest!

"A hard dick has no conscious!"
I respectfully disagree with you Smoove...maybe they're rare in the music industry, hell I'll even give you that they might be rare period...however I've known plenty of hard ones that had a conscious...even when I hated that they did....LOL!


"An addict seeks a cure and a way to stop doing what it is that they are addicted to."
Again, I disagree, I have enough up close & personal experience with addicts to know that generally the reason they end up addicts is because they're in denial about the severity of their problem & DON'T seek a cure or way to stop doing it until the addiction has pretty much destroyed their life, and their relationships with loved ones. 

The first step in beating an addiction is admitting that it is one.  Denial about the POWER that something has over one's life, and the damages that its reeked is what keeps folks enslaved to their "drug of choice", be it drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping....or sex. 

In the case of sex, I don't believe therapy includes NEVER having sex again, just understanding why you're willing to risk it all for a nut, so that you can better manage those cravings. 

"If a man will be real and I mean really real, he will tell you that if he reaches a certain point of arousal something else takes over"

If his penis is stronger than his mind in ALL situations in which he gets an erection...that sure doesn't say much about his overall strength & character as a man.  Just my 2.5.

"Women also dont understand that sex has absolutely nothing to do with love in the mind of a man!!!  They say they do but they really dont understand that!"

Yeah we do Smoove...trust that we know a man is very capable of compartmentalizing sex and love.  

  
"So if a man is sexually wreckless he is not doing it and thinking about who he could hurt."

Ummm...sounds like Crackhead behavior to me.  I've never known a crackhead who thought about who they would be hurting before they pulled on that pipe....and last I checked...wrecklessly pursuing a rock signified an addiction.

Smoove, I'm not saying that every ManWhore is a sex addict, however I do believe that there is a boundary that once crossed -- puts a person in that category....again...just my 2.5.

Black people are not inherently more sexual. Please stop buying into generalizations that have their roots in racist stereotypes.  If you believe that black people are more sexual, you must also believe that black men are violent, lazy, criminal, and degenerate.  Or do you only believe tripe that condones your behavior?

I believe that people can be sex addicts, but I don't believe that most celebrities that publicize being in therapy for sex addiction are sex addicts. A lot of people use sex to medicate themselves, whereas others would use food, or drugs, or alcohol, or shopping.  There is a point where needing to have sex becomes less about the physical, and it securing sex overcomes every other purpose in your life, that it becomes an addiction.  I think it can be treated, but I don't think it is a disease so it can't be "cured."  A person's behavior and decision making gets modified, that's all.

And really, being a whore (or ManWhore as Dashon said) does not make a man a sex addict.  It makes him a whore.  Lack of character does not an addiction make.

@ Dashon- I understand your view and I hope that you understand mine.  I am not trying to make excuses for brothas that are irresponsible but rather offer the uncut thoughts that go through a mans mind.  What I am saying is I think that it has been overanalyzed and over diagnosed.  For some reason in order for some people to deal with things they have to be categorized, archived, labeled and referenced!  My goal here is to draw attention to the lack of responsability people are willing to show when it comes to their own actions and thoughts!  People would rather say that they are addicted to something than say "I screwed up!"
@ JustaThought-What i said about black people having a higher sex drive was based in fact!!!  We as black people naturally have more muscle tone which is why our butts are bigger as well as the amount of melanine and testoterone produced in the body is on average a higher percentage!  All men were not created equal!!  Im not trying to be offensive but I am going to state fact.  I also hope you dont take what I am saying as an attack on you or your views because it is not.  I will say to you what I said to Dashon, I am trying to draw attention to the lack of responsability people are willing to take on their own behalf.  And having a higher sex drive is not an excuse for wreckless behavior!  I apperciate your perspective and hope that you all will continue to converse with me!  I am not claiming to be right but before I abandon my own opinion for someone elses I must first be shown one that I feel is better than my own!  Thanks sisters!!!

@Smoove: I respect your opinion, even though I don't agree with it, and I appreciate the respect you've shown for mine.  I do believe that some are quick to lean on the "I got a problem/addiction" cane to justify their behavior and lack of control over their own actions, versus taking responsibility for them...but I also believe that sometimes folks really are past the point of being able to control it due to deeper issues.  Thanks for the discussion...it got me going :-)

@ G Smoove:

Not trying to discount what you are saying, but the differences in testosterone between whites and blacks are not staggering.  And, the studies that researched this were not adjusted for income, socioeconomic factors, and other factors.  Unfortunately, most of the studies that focus on difference between blacks and whites are aimed at proving inferiority.

You say you are trying to point out the lack of responsibility, and yet you make several comments that, to a lot of readers, seem to absolve men of responsibility because they are horny, because they have a lot of opportunity, because they can have sex without emotions, etc.

@Just a Thought-  Im not trying to absolve anything.  I  am playing the devils advocate to get the climate of peoples opinion on the matter.  i used the responses that some guys use to explain away certain behaviors.  I also use my own feelings and thoughts  to help create a more realistic and true rsponse.  I am totally responsable for my actions and deeds and dont want to write them off.  Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the most honest person that they have met.  Lying or being deceitful is too tiring!!!  But I do want us all to take a look at things for what they are and not for what we want them to be.  I am truely a man and I feel every way that I mentioned in these scenarios.  The thing that makes me different is that I value myself and the relationships that I have more than the urge to fulfil some desires.  I do fall short sometimes and do things that are not in my best interest but I am not in a relationship.  This may be a little personal, but I think it is relavant to this conversation.  I am 30 years old and have hade unprotected sex only once in my life!  I did slip up in college but never before and never again!  I love sex a whole lot but am not willing to sacrifice my life for it.  I dont believe that men who are out there "raw dogging" are addicted.  I think they are stupid and irresponsible!  I think that people need to take responability.
I  am aware that the studies were done to prove inferiority but I thik they in fact prove the exact opposite!!  Im not talking about what reason they were done for, Im talking about what the facts say!

@All

If I may jump into this conversation; When men mature we do have a conscious about our actions. Like Dashon mentioned it's how we deal with those cravings which is the toughest part and that's when character must come into play. As I've grown I've learned to look at the entire situation and possible consequences before engaging in a sexual act with a lady. She's either somone I'm dating, in a relationship with or someone who I have an understanding with who's cool with unattached sex. No longer are the days that I mislead women into having sex by selling false dreams of a relationship or faking like I have emotions for her because that interferes with my integrity as a man. A quick one is not worth messing with a womans emotions.

@Just a Thought-  Im not trying to absolve anything.  I  am playing the devils advocate to get the climate of peoples opinion on the matter.  i used the responses that some guys use to explain away certain behaviors.  I also use my own feelings and thoughts  to help create a more realistic and true rsponse.  I am totally responsable for my actions and deeds and dont want to write them off.  Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the most honest person that they have met.  Lying or being deceitful is too tiring!!!  But I do want us all to take a look at things for what they are and not for what we want them to be.  I am truely a man and I feel every way that I mentioned in these scenarios.  The thing that makes me different is that I value myself and the relationships that I have more than the urge to fulfil some desires.  I do fall short sometimes and do things that are not in my best interest but I am not in a relationship.  This may be a little personal, but I think it is relavant to this conversation.  I am 30 years old and have hade unprotected sex only once in my life!  I did slip up in college but never before and never again!  I love sex a whole lot but am not willing to sacrifice my life for it.  I dont believe that men who are out there "raw dogging" are addicted.  I think they are stupid and irresponsible!  I think that people need to take responability.
I  am aware that the studies were done to prove inferiority but I thik they in fact prove the exact opposite!!  Im not talking about what reason they were done for, Im talking about what the facts say!

* I haven't read all the responses, so I don't know in which direction the conversation turned towards*

I don't feel that just because a man really enjoys tons of sex that he is a sex addict, even to the extent that he is actively having sex with multipy women multiple times a day all week long.  I feel a possible addiction may be creeping into the picture when he has such a compulsion for sex that and it is so strong that it is crimping or severely hampering his life in various way.

I believe in being sex stupid or sex excessive but not sex addicted.  I am not going to lie, I don't understand why slinging your stuff all over the place is so attractive and compelling.  I love sex too but with someone who means something to me.  I am not interested in hitting Mr. Fine down the street just because he looks good and I could get with him.  Sex means something to me.  Call me sentimental or whatever.  But that's me.  I don't understand Tiger, Eric Benet, or anyone who says they have a problem with controlling themselves and sex.  That's a sign of weakness to me. 

@sunnyislands- That was my whole point!  I feel that people can be sexually irresponsible but not addicted!  sex is something that we are supposed to do!  So being addicted to it is ridiculous!.