September 8th 2010
I don't NEED a man
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by pinkribbngal on April 13, 2010, 6:59 am in Dating
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63 comments |
Recently, I made this comment to a group of folks on-line. And I think it must be the equivalent of saying "your mother smells like sweaty ballz" because folks were livid at the thought that I would articulate that I can live and survive without a man in my life.
So I decided to switch things up and ask (on facebook) what people thought of the statement and how they would view a woman who made such a statement. The answers surprised me.
Ranging from "she's delusional" to "she's a lesbian" to "she's been through trauma" and all sorts of bibilical references to us not being made to be alone... almost everyone said that they basically could not understand why any woman would articulate such nonsense.
I thought it was crazy. But it seems that the way I view my life -- as whole, as exciting, as liberating, as fulfilling -- is all wrong because *GASP* I don't have a man. So, I am now, not a whole Nicole -- but some sort of wretched HALF-something that can only be made better if I fall in love and have a man in my life.
Pffft.
Call me bitter if you'd like. Blame my ex-boyfriend's departure from my life on my current thinking. Tell yourself that I am just so sad, and so pitiful because now I am bitter because not only do I have to deal with the aftermath of breast cancer, I have to deal with it alone and that fear of aloneness has caused me to reject men.
Tsk tsk tsk. What a pitiful specimen of a woman I must be.
*eye roll* You can believe that bs if you want to. Saying that I don't need a man is acknowledging that my life goes on everyday that my eyes open. I needed my ex-boyfriend to be with me, to hold my hand, to make me laugh through chemotherapy. But when he stopped doing those things, stopped being able to be there for me -- GUESS WHAT -- I took myself to chemotherapy, I made myself laugh, I entertained myself (and people around me) and I got through it.
The need was fulfilled -- just not by him any longer. When I needed someone to be by my side each time I went to the hospital, if he refused to come or was too busy, someone else made themselves available -- my parents, my best friends, my girlfriends. The void did not remain empty.
Never in my statement that I don't need a man, do I mean that I don't want one, or that I don't want love and companionship. But while I may have been formed to be part of a couple, until that other half comes along, I am still whole. Needing a man implies -- to me -- that I'm somehow fractured and incomplete until a guy comes along.
Nah, that is not how I see myself. At. All.
So, my question is... if you hear a woman say that she doesn't need a man, what do you think of her? Do you think she's lying to herself? Do you think it is a lie she tells herself so that she can sleep at night when she's alone?
Talk to me. Tell me how you see this statement: I don't need a man.
~Nicole
So I decided to switch things up and ask (on facebook) what people thought of the statement and how they would view a woman who made such a statement. The answers surprised me.
Ranging from "she's delusional" to "she's a lesbian" to "she's been through trauma" and all sorts of bibilical references to us not being made to be alone... almost everyone said that they basically could not understand why any woman would articulate such nonsense.
I thought it was crazy. But it seems that the way I view my life -- as whole, as exciting, as liberating, as fulfilling -- is all wrong because *GASP* I don't have a man. So, I am now, not a whole Nicole -- but some sort of wretched HALF-something that can only be made better if I fall in love and have a man in my life.
Pffft.
Call me bitter if you'd like. Blame my ex-boyfriend's departure from my life on my current thinking. Tell yourself that I am just so sad, and so pitiful because now I am bitter because not only do I have to deal with the aftermath of breast cancer, I have to deal with it alone and that fear of aloneness has caused me to reject men.
Tsk tsk tsk. What a pitiful specimen of a woman I must be.
*eye roll* You can believe that bs if you want to. Saying that I don't need a man is acknowledging that my life goes on everyday that my eyes open. I needed my ex-boyfriend to be with me, to hold my hand, to make me laugh through chemotherapy. But when he stopped doing those things, stopped being able to be there for me -- GUESS WHAT -- I took myself to chemotherapy, I made myself laugh, I entertained myself (and people around me) and I got through it.
The need was fulfilled -- just not by him any longer. When I needed someone to be by my side each time I went to the hospital, if he refused to come or was too busy, someone else made themselves available -- my parents, my best friends, my girlfriends. The void did not remain empty.
Never in my statement that I don't need a man, do I mean that I don't want one, or that I don't want love and companionship. But while I may have been formed to be part of a couple, until that other half comes along, I am still whole. Needing a man implies -- to me -- that I'm somehow fractured and incomplete until a guy comes along.
Nah, that is not how I see myself. At. All.
So, my question is... if you hear a woman say that she doesn't need a man, what do you think of her? Do you think she's lying to herself? Do you think it is a lie she tells herself so that she can sleep at night when she's alone?
Talk to me. Tell me how you see this statement: I don't need a man.
~Nicole
Join the conversation, add your comment63 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On April 13, 2010, 7:41 am loveless says:
No I feel you "I dont need a man" I have one that is taking care of me financially but he gets no love from me. I date to stop myself from being bored but I dont need a man for that. Usually I go places by myself. All I really need a man for is to tell me how good I look and let me know I still have what it takes to get a man but I certainly dont need one. I like not having to answer to anyone. I Come and go as I please. Naw you better believe I dont need one. INTRO I dont hate men, they're just not what I want right now. They hit on me all the time. sometimes i get their # sometimes I tell them im married. To me men are just something to do to occupy a little bit of my time.
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On April 13, 2010, 8:15 am MassAppeal says:
@Pink
In your case I can see where you're comin from because I hear women who haven't gone through half of what you've gone through and they're quick to say this. I see as some using it as a personal defense mechanism to justify to themselves why they don't need a man or for the sake of this conversation, they don't "want" a man. Physchologically they're trying to mentally play games with themselves but deep down 9 out of 10 women need a man. Like I said before, both men and women bring intangible values to the table that you will never get from friends, family or even ex's. So when I hear women like loveless (much love but I have to keep it 100 in here), say they don't need a man ("just to take care of me finacially and to tell me how good I look"), they come off as a walking contradiction. Let's just keep it real and admit we need that special someone in our lives and stop denying it. That special someone had nothing to do with your past or any hurt you may have encountered...just accept them. Lifes too short. |
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On April 13, 2010, 8:26 am loveless says:
@Mass I dont need a man right now. maybe he fit into another time frame because if i needed one, i would have one. i dont know if im mixing this up with want either. But i dont want one. If there's a contradiction its because everyone seem to need someone else to complete them. not me. If my need was so great I would make a phone call and be at the alter. But im staying away because my needs dont outweigh my wants. Right now im not feeling, wanting or needing a man in my life. If someone need to eat in order to survive, they will eat. ok im just not hungry.
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On April 13, 2010, 8:36 am MassAppeal says:
@LL
I hear you. So a woman can say she has a man for finacial support and a man around to tell her she looks good but at the end of the day...she can still claim that she doesn't need a man? Maybe I'm off this morning or something. If a woman is accepting all that from me....she needs and/or wants me or she's just using me. |
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On April 13, 2010, 8:48 am loveless says:
I feel its his obligation to support me. But I can do it myself if he ever stop. If the compliments stop coming, i can look in the mirror. im sorry "NEED" is too great of a word.
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On April 13, 2010, 10:38 am Dashon says:
@Pink: I understand how you feel, and I agree that we all should be complete within ourselves, however I agree with Mass. We ALL have needs that can only be satisfied by a member of the opposite sex (or in the case of homosexuals -- the same sex). I'm just saying...
These needs go beyond the physical. Sure, if we don't have someone speical in our lifes, we shouldn't just crawl up in a ball and refuse to live [our lives] to fullest until our King or Queen comes along, but it doesn't change the fact that some needs cannot be filled by ourselves, family members or our Boys or Girls. As you correctly stated, we're not a half-person because we lack a companion....however the role of a companion should be to "compliment" not "complete" us, and it sounds like you get that. I think the wording and the way that phrase has been used before (e.g., Mass comment) infers that there is nothing that a man can do for us that we or others can't do for ourselves, and on some levels that's true...but when viewed holistically -- its the biggest lie (women) have ever told. |
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On April 13, 2010, 10:49 am loveless says:
@Mass I just got through listening to Kem. LOVE HIS MUSIC. OK to be fair one of his lines were "your mind may be made up but your heart got its own plans," This may be true, See my heart is still receptive to recieve love but my mind is blocking things.
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On April 13, 2010, 11:44 am BEASTFRMVA says:
Need is active word. No one NEEDS another person to survive. Yet happiness is something that is usually brought to fruition by how some one or some thing makes you feel. So in short...I don't need a woman...but I am sure that they right one would be really nice!
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On April 13, 2010, 11:59 am Perpetual says:
It would be nice if a man stepped up to the plate when it comes to important things like taking his woman to LaMaze classes, a child's appointment, an ultrasound, chemotherapy, or a gynocological exam. Women are always up for the challenge...But...I don't think our (BP) men do these things. Or do they? (I'm curious). I hope I have a misconception about whether or not our men are upto the challenge when it comes to things like this.
I wholeheartedly agree with Pink on this one....we have to look out for ourselves in terms of what we actually need. It's a shame. |
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On April 13, 2010, 12:03 pm loveless says:
Thank You Beast I thought my words wasnt getting through or something. I had a conversation with someone else and they agreed with Mass. I stand firm on my word I dont NEED a man. Thank you again BEAST for confirmation.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:04 pm MsValleyG says:
@Beastfrmva: Love your twist.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:11 pm MsValleyG says:
@Beastfrmva: Love your twist.
A need is something that is necessary. A want is something that is sufficient but not necessary. The desire for a man/woman is not essentially NECESSARY to survive or live this life as #pinkribbngal illustrated in her deductive reasoning of why she feels she doesn't need a man (right now). However, we all may WANT companionship. Having companionship is SUFFICIENT yet it is NOT necessary to live, eat & breath. @Loveless: Based on that deductive reasoning & MASS's questioning (essentially his reasoning), it appears you actually NEED a man to survive b/c this man is providing for you financially: We all need money to live. Your thoughts... |
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On April 13, 2010, 12:14 pm Dashon says:
I kinda feel like we're engaged in a discussion of semantics as it relates to the word NEED, and how each of us define that word.
So I decided to look it up, and according to the American Heritage College Dictionary it is defined this way: 1) A lack of something required OR desirable; 2) Something required OR wanted. Based on this definition and the comments that have been made...we do NEED someone special in our lives. ALL of the comments indicate a desire or want for something outside of or in addition to ourselves in this thing called life. @Beast: I think we're clear that our survival is not dependent on it, but even your comment suggest a NEED for a special woman in your life. @Loveless: While you many not require a man to pay your bills and tell you that you look good... your comments indicate that you desire or want that from him. Just my 2.5 |
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On April 13, 2010, 12:22 pm MsValleyG says:
@Dashon: NICE 2.5.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:27 pm MsValleyG says:
@Dashon: But people can choose not to WANT that desire at particular parts of their life so essentially saying I don't need a man... can mean for the moment, I'm doing fine single and have other things to take up my leisure time LOL! As pink indicated, she has other people in her life and things that fill that void for now.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:28 pm MsValleyG says:
Guess I was addressing BASIC SURVIVAL needs as opposed to desires.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:28 pm Wood says:
Talk to me. Tell me how you see this statement: I don't need a man. I look at like I actually see it. Sure, a sista doesn't "need" a man to go about her business and do the things that she must do to conduct her life, but there is a strong and powerful desire for woman to want a man in her life in some social/sexual/emotional manner... that is how I see that statement.
What I see from the self proclaiming "I don't need no man" yapping sistas, as it pertains to the initual dating stages, are sistas trying to push upon a romantic interest that she isn't looking for this, don't need him for that, even to the point of sending him the message of "I don't care if you are in my life or not"... ya know, like the Beonce` song. |
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On April 13, 2010, 12:32 pm Dashon says:
"But people can choose not to WANT that desire at particular parts of their life"
@MsV: Agreed! When we're going through something or in transition -- that desire, want, need...whatever [for someone in our lives] may not be present; but that too shall pass as the situation that causes us to feel that way passes. The funny thing about attraction, love, and all that other emotional stuff is that while we attempt to control it and dictate when, where, who, etc., etc. as it pertains to that....we generally find that the desires of the heart will win out...even when the head is singing a different tune. |
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On April 13, 2010, 12:32 pm BEASTFRMVA says:
@Dashon...I hear you but I stand firm in my decision that my needs are different than my wants or desires!
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On April 13, 2010, 12:34 pm Dashon says:
Beast: I respect that. Like I said...its a semantics thing.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:35 pm loveless says:
Ms. Valley Please believe I dont need a man's money to survive, Maybe you missed when I said even if his money stop coming I can take care of myself. His money is not making or breaking me. Dashon you are right I want that from a man but I certainly do not NEED it. @Wood I guess thats it, it doesnt matter if he is in my life or not.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:38 pm Dashon says:
@Loveless: I respect your position too...like I said to Beast...based on the definition of the word...it really boils down to semantics, and how each person defines that word. No harm...no foul.
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On April 13, 2010, 12:41 pm Wood says:
I don't think our (BP) men do these things. Or do they? (I'm curious). I hope I have a misconception about whether or not our men are upto the challenge when it comes to things like this.
@ Perpetual: Brothas do things like just like any other race of men. Many times, what you see when you see some of these sistas having to go through all the child birth, appointment, etc, along, is because it was just a casual "hook-up" that went too far. In many cases, a woman got bit for whatever attributes, i,e, looks, perceived style, car, perceived social status, education, etc, that has nothing to do with him being a good father to his children. I'm not a woman and my eye for woman's style isn't the same as a woman, but I can only imagine many of these sistas spending all that money on some of the ugliest purses I have ever seen, would do so if the social perception/status wasn't there... that is how many choose their men. A whole lot of "shit" that means so much to them that does nobody any good. I can't imagine a whole bunch of green, read, yellow "LV" letters on a purse is really nice looking, or it is only because of it perceived social status. |
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On April 13, 2010, 12:44 pm MsValleyG says:
@Loveless: Understood... Like I said, perhaps I was addressing basic needs as opposed to desires. He may provide for you financially but you may not need him intrinsically (which you've made very clear: you don't need him).
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On April 13, 2010, 1:19 pm SidneyKane says:
What I think EVERYONE needs is companionship, being able to share things with a person outside of your family and friends that you have mutual love and respect for is incomparable to probably anything . There is No way anyone is going to tell me they don't NEED that. I definitely have no problem going to the movies alone, shopping alone or eating alone. I actually like it when I have those times when I am just with me, that is when I am the most creative but for sure no one always wants to go to a movie alone or eat alone. As a species I believe we have evolved to need companionship. I am sure being by one's self is fine for month 1 through 6 but I am guessing after 3 or 4 years of just dating, talking on the phone and hanging out with your friends that are all in relationships gets pretty boring and probably depressing. I agree with Dashon, I think it is semantics but I still feel that we as woman have been made to be so independent by social circumstances that we forget sometimes that it's okay to let people in and life can be happier when you share it with someone you love.
This is NOT to say you just run around acting like life is over is you don't have a man but we should all stay open to the fact that there is some person out there that will compliment you (not make you) and I believe we all NEED that... |
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On April 13, 2010, 3:23 pm MassAppeal says:
@LL
For the sake of good harmony here on FH we'll let you off the hook for your comment about your need to have a man tell you how good you look. @Sidney Kane Well said.. |
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On April 13, 2010, 3:26 pm loveless says:
Thank you Mass!
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On April 13, 2010, 5:14 pm primarythoughts.net says:
I haven't read all the comments, but wants, needs, desires are biblical. If I'm correct (not a bible scholar)... wants are about us, needs are met by God thru his grace, desires are like the icing on the cake when we walk with the Lord.
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On April 13, 2010, 6:09 pm IntroSpectiv says:
I don't know about y'all....but anytime I hear women use the phrase "I don't need a man" in conjunction with "to take care of me, give me money, and pay my bills and buy me a purse every now and then, etc.".......It leads me to think that's all women think men are good for.
Why else would they use those two nonrelated clauses in the same sentence? |
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On April 13, 2010, 7:44 pm loveless says:
@Intro what else are they good for? Just asking.
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On April 13, 2010, 8:53 pm SoulonArt says:
Aren't we ALL incomplete without the opposite sex?? I don't hear men say they don't need a women, because we know this would be a worthless journey without women. I'm a very independent man. I cook, clean, wash, and anything else that may be typically condsidered "woman's work", but there are so many intangibles a woman brings to my life. Why are women so bent on pushing away any kind of dependency on a man??We were put here for each other.
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On April 13, 2010, 9:16 pm loveless says:
@Soul im with you just wanted to get intro's perspective.
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On April 13, 2010, 9:28 pm Wood says:
LOL, you are correct on that Soulart. I have never heard a brotha proclaiming him not needing a woman as a mate. If any friends of mine start talking about not needing or how easy it is to go without a woman... fellas will step to the side and put some distance between him and us...lol.
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On April 13, 2010, 10:15 pm SoulonArt says:
I hear you that Wood...
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On April 13, 2010, 11:30 pm JustAThought says:
@ Soul:
men don't say that because women are more likely to fulfill the needs of a man. Women usually start saying they don't need men after men have failed to meet the needs (primarily emotional) that the women expected them to. Because women aren't socialized sexually the same way that men are, they are more likely to prioritize emotional connection above physical connection. |
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On April 14, 2010, 4:40 am IntroSpectiv says:
@ Loveless
Wow. I'm speechless, for once. Allow me to let what you asked sink in before I attempt a reply. |
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On April 14, 2010, 7:20 am wotubenmissn says:
Just
So I understand when Soul or whoever responds, are you saying because men don't put a whole bunch of expectations on their woman, that it therefore is easier for a woman to likely fulfill our needs? Or are you saying that a woman will likely fulfill our numerous needs, and we as men are just picking and choosing among the superbeings? :p |
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On April 14, 2010, 8:04 am JustAThought says:
@ wot:
Men are indeed super picky, and takers/manipulators of a woman's [foolish] need to nurture, and they offer poor return in emotional investment :-P Of course, not all men are physical/emotional/financial parasites [just most. I kid. I think...] |
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On April 14, 2010, 8:19 am MassAppeal says:
@JAT
That's such a negative, divisive generalization but I respect that might just be the type of men you're accustomed to dealing with. Some black women can be just as coniving but I love me some sisters because I know there's some real good ones out there. Those are the ones I just choose to place my focus and energy on when I think about black women. I wish more black women would talk and speak more positively about black men. That's why the media harp on those negative stories about us. |
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On April 14, 2010, 9:31 am MsValleyG says:
@Mass: I agree with your last statements. Very profound! Black women can do better in describing 'our' men and the 'good' attributes many of 'our' men have as opposed to continuing the viscious negative cycle. However, I feel some black men can do the same. It all bottles down to misconceptions and miscommunication (or non-communication) amongst 'our' people as a whole. Society has taught us to tear each other down and now many of us have negative views of each other. We 'SPEAK' those things as if they ARE who we are instead of positively respecting and uplifting each other. Terrible reality. WE as a people (BLACK PEOPLE) MUST do better.
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On April 14, 2010, 9:36 am loveless says:
Ok I love black men. I think they are the greatest thing since popcorn but when it comes to dating they do have the pick of the litter. They can choose from a variety of women. No matter race, financial situation, living conditions. A black man just shines no matter what. A sister have a hard time. Sure we can go to McDonalds or pick a brother up at the bus station too but its just not a good look for us. I guess I see more women have to be stronger to keep what we have, damn near fight for it because a man can be in our situation and walk out and grab the first thing smoking. If sisters find love the first time its cool but we just cant keep stepping out like a man and choose. Women damn near wait for you and your man to break up so she can step in, thats how desperate some of the women are, I dont see men being the desperate. I mean I hear men say they cant find a good woman to settle down with but they want to be with someone like myself thats saying im not ready, when clearly there's a better choice for you. They are not looking. I keep saying these desperate women and lonely men are bound to run into each other sooner or later.
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On April 14, 2010, 9:38 am MassAppeal says:
@MsValley
I totally agree that it's both our responsibilities about how we choose to view each other. I think if we choose to concentrate on the positive qualities about black men/women, we can better see how we compliment each other as individuals . It's a choice we have and it's a mindset. We're so caught up with looking out our own rearview mirrors we miss blessings that come our way each and everyday because our minds are so diluted with negative energy. That's far from being attractive to a potential significant other so the cycle will forever continue. |
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On April 14, 2010, 9:47 am MassAppeal says:
" Sure we can go to McDonalds or pick a brother up at the bus station too but its just not a good look for us"
What women don't understand is what i just parahrased ( so we won't get caught up with semantic and definitions today) that there are women with this type of mindset we could be dealing with. If we have the choice of the litter, how come it's not a good look to even to consider a hard working brother earning money at McDonalds or one that might be taking the bus to avoid traffic? I just don't understand the logic from some women at times. Women complain but you made those choices to be with those men who didn't step up to the plate. Any time things don't work out with a woman and myself, I reflect about how I could've handled things differently. Playing the victim role is what you should consider what's a good look for you or not. We're all responsible for own choices and selections. |
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On April 14, 2010, 9:55 am loveless says:
@Mass I know what you are saying and I completely agree. What im saying is Kobe found Vanessa working at McDonalds and married her. If siosters go and get a McDonalds guy we would be the laughing stock of America. Its just not the same. Men have the upper hand when it comes to dating.
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On April 14, 2010, 11:53 am MsValleyG says:
@Mass: Yes we are so caught up with look out our 'rearview mirrors' as opposed to looking at ourselve in the mirror and seeing how we can evoke positive change within ourselves... Which essentially will lead to positive actions, reflections and connections overall. **Look in the mirror at yourself people... It's not always everyone else. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies...***
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On April 14, 2010, 11:56 am MsValleyG says:
@Mass: There is no logic when it comes to some women and their choices in potential partners or current partners. For some women, it's all about 'status' and what tangible items they can acquire. They in turn like the "look" of being with someone seemingly doing well for themselves (by whatever definition they define success) instead of the actual 'state' of being, doing, loving... embracing the full depth of loving relationships. And a lot of women ARE VERY TRIVIAL in nature... can't see past a nice ride, fancy clothes, etc... They (many) place limitations on themselves based on skewed perceptions of prosperity and success as opposed to seeking true character & connection.
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On April 14, 2010, 11:58 am MsValleyG says:
@loveless: I'm not sure I agree with that logic of being the laughing stock of America. However, I do understand where you're coming from... on a 'status' point of view LOL! But in the end, it depends on the two individuals... if there's a connection, they shouldn't allow society to destroy that bond.
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On April 14, 2010, 6:10 pm Wood says:
Loveless, men just aren't as rigid when it comes to his attraction for a woman. My girl is very attractive, but according to a few ex Girlfriends, I could have done better... I'm like the hell if I could've. My girl likes to dress at time, but she isn't as "fashionable" or stylish as a few of my exs, but that doesn't matter to me...only to them.
Even my girl saw one of my ex and said to me... "she is pretty, what was wrong with her"... I said a whole damn lot!!! I had to take a moment and tell her that she has the ring, not them for a reason. @ MsV: I really agree with your comment regarding... They in turn like the "look" of being with someone seemingly doing well for themselves (by whatever definition they define success) instead of the actual 'state' of being, doing, loving... embracing the full depth of loving relationships. I'm sure that whenever you go out, you see the Brotha-hood out looking like that have made it well. Damn near all of them look like they got it going the hell on like a big-dog. From how we look when we park our nice shiney ride, dressed with fashionable clothing, fresh cut and shave, shiney expensive shoes and jewelry, while drinking high end brews and and drinks, etc... It is hard to believe how any sista can question the prosperity of the Brotha-hood. We look too damn well for the Sista-hood to have these sentiments regarding us. I heard this highly fashionably dressed sista state that any man has to "compliment" her in his manner of dress. Imagine, if he presents himself as such, he gets the first shot over a more solid brotha... |
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On April 14, 2010, 6:31 pm MassAppeal says:
@Loveless
" If sisters go and get a McDonalds guy we would be the laughing stock of America" Why would you be the laughing stock of America? Because he's working and making an honest living? You could be dating a man that works on Wall Street and still be the laughing stock of America if he's dogging you out and mistreating you so what's the difference? We need to stop worrying about other peoples perceptions and worry about how that brother is treating you behind closed doors. Laughing or not, "America" won't be the one keeping you warm at night regardless if he works at McDonlads or not. |
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On April 14, 2010, 6:44 pm JustAThought says:
@ Mass:
If I didn't leave a cantankerous comment, I wouldn't be me, now would I? :-P Anywho, never said I didn't perform due diligence in being introspective. I don't tolerate failure well, but I also don't write about it here often. |
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On April 14, 2010, 6:55 pm SoulonArt says:
JustAThought I just read your comment directed to me. I won't say I disagree with you, because women may fulfill a man's needs more than visa versa. Our needs are not that great though. We have low expectations for what we want out of a relationship, but women often expect the world. Is he the one, is he the one, is he the one? Then disappointment. Next thing you know, singing songs about how she don't need us. A man just does not feel the need to ward off women just because our
feelings get hurt.
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On April 14, 2010, 6:59 pm MassAppeal says:
@Soul
" Is he the one, is he the one, is he the one? Then disappointment. Next thing you know, singing songs about how she don't need us. " Classic!! |
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On April 14, 2010, 7:00 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ Loveless
"Its just not the same. Men have the upper hand when it comes to dating." Maybe you should come join the military for a day or 553....then you'd see how false that statement is. |
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On April 15, 2010, 3:53 am MasterAtWork says:
@pinkribbngal, everybody has different opinions of what they want and need. If you feel that you don't need a man, then you don't need a man. Although I do feel that everyone needs someome special, everyone feels differently about that. I, myself, am taking the time to be complete without a significant other, would also love to be with someone special one day. But Nicole, if you don't need a man, that's your choice.
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On April 15, 2010, 7:17 am JustAThought says:
@ Soul: I don't think men's needs are lesser, just different. With the constant ego boosting, cooking, being supportive, learning how to stand your ground/speak your mind in a way that does not appear 'unfeminine', etc. is a lot. Especially for someone, like myself, who has to do a complete 180 from the way I have to operate at work. Not saying that this 180 is a burden, but I'm not inclined to do it when a man thinks all he has to do is bring his schlong and I should be overjoyed. And frankly, I am very unimpressed by the men I meet who think that being male, straight, and doing the bare minimum that they are SUPPOSED to do (be employed, not break the law, be a decent person) is going to get them the sun, moon, and stars. |
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On April 16, 2010, 2:17 am crucial63 says:
I will say this my lady at this point in your life maybe you dont need a man.
In time you will need a man and thats not to down play your importance as a woman. A person who is interested in a heterosexual relationship desires the person not need them!!!!!!!!!!!! I think people have focused on the term need more than your overall point. I'm a single male who can do all things for himself in every respect but I do desire a woman for all things good and bad they bring so YES I agree I do not need a woman I desire 1 woman for me. |
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On April 16, 2010, 5:40 am odia10 says:
@pink,from all that you have said i must say that you are a very strong person.Your ex as far as am concerned is the one that lost out.As regards this whole man/woman issues we all go thru every day and have so much different opinions abt,i feel it takes the grace of God to find the right person for one's self.
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On April 18, 2010, 7:23 pm femmeamoured says:
Heal. Heal is what I think when you say that, especially with the story that you served you need to heal. Kuddo's for not wanting the God approach. You've affirmed it to yourself and confirmed it with yourself. You don't need a man. You can do it by yourself, but it is so much better with one, no matter what you went through with the last one. But now you know during those times when one is not around you don't need one but are ever keeping yourself ready for when one does appear. Now what do you say about needing a man? You do need one because your soul works best with one, that is why you wanted him going through chemo with you. He just wasn't the one that knew how to do it. Find out if you are the talent or the gift in a relationship. HEAL: be at peace with and in your thoughts. Let those things that made you angry make you smile, let those things that made you bitter give you joy. Let those things that hurt you be your weakness. Submit to heal.
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On April 19, 2010, 5:43 pm rK-8....The Bad Guy says:
I think they are full of sh*t. Usually women [and I mean the ones I've encountered] that say that have been burned in some way by some guy. In a way to show that they are good, they put up this macho front like ain't sh*t bothering them. Reality is, whatever that person did to you hurt, and instead of trying to act tough....embrace that hurt and learn from it. If I hear her say at anytime, "I don't need a man." she goes on mute to me.
Now after really reading your situation, you always had family support for your situation. So you never really NEEDED that support from your ex. That type of support is like an added bonus. You didn't need him to be there. You wanted him to be there for you. He wasn't and it hurt. Learn from it and move on. There are plenty of men out there that would have supported you. He didn't, so I'm glad you recognized that he wasn't the one for you. It's more of the way you use the word that can throw people off. Iit's all semantics as stated earlier. |
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On April 20, 2010, 5:35 pm SidneyKane says:
Lovin rK-8's statement... well said!
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On April 23, 2010, 6:40 pm tnp327 says:
I know that I NEED a man in my life, however I dont' need him constantly...more like sporadically. :- )
On a similar topic...I'm not sure if this is true or if there is any empirical data that proves this or not.... but just by observation of men/women, it seems as though men seem to 'need' women so much more then women 'need' men. It seems as though men require the strong feminine (nurturing) nature of a woman to keep them going and validate them more then the woman needs the male to validate them. I'm not making a statement, just an observation that I have noticed. It may or may not be true. When a man gets divorced, why does it seem like his world falls apart (not all men of course)? I have 3 brothers and have seen it. I'm not saying that the womans world doesn't fall apart...but it seems the man's world falls apart worse...ESPECIALLY until another woman comes and saves him. Why do we see more women just moving on with the children and not getting re-married? It's as if they are saying...I don't really need him anymore. It seems as though when a man says he has a woman, it is a gold of medal/honor for him and I have noticed that many men tell employers, friends etc...that they have a woman and/or engaged just so people can look at them with favor with honor. I have a co-worker who lied during an interview and said he moved to Atlanta to be with his fiance and he doesn't even have a girlfriend. When I asked him why he said that, he said it just sounds better when trying to gain employment (men having a significant other). I hear men say similar things like this alot and am wondering what is the deal here. I think it's very interesting .... You don't hear many women making up stories about having a man or using him as a badge of honor. I wonder why..... Or maybe my observation is way off. Help me out.. |
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On April 27, 2010, 10:24 pm Queenie says:
I think what you mean is that you don't need a man to do what you have been doing for yourself. You want a man to complement you and not supplement you. I had one guy tell me I needed to lower my expectations and I finally met a man who met my expectations without trying. Men show they care by spending money on you. However when they meet that women who don't need their money, they start questioning themselves: what does she need me for? Let me tell you....
I need you to be my sidekick, my partner. Do things for me that does not require you to spend money, make yourself emotionally available, encourage me. As we get older, men and women get set in their ways and so finding someone who will accept you for who you are is hard. I believe man have to be told about our standards and if they cannot meet them, ladies, we have to let them go. If you tolerate, time goes by and we're 45, with no ring and no children. |
In either case, it depends on whether she is lying to herself or not. I definitely don't deal with women that hate men, and in my generation, a lot of women seem to have that issue right now. Not the ideal woman that I am seeing myself just hours, days, weeks, months from meeting.