July 29th 2010
What a Girl Wants, Is What a Woman Needs!
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by msbnmd on February 11, 2010, 6:57 pm in Dating
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11 comments |
In the interest of finding my voice through a tough time with my lover I have been doing some research on what it is that is so called "common" among women that I do, and what about me is down right crazy! I was relieved to realize that much of what I thought was "insecure, crazy, or needy" is really part of what makes many women feel loved, safe, and cared for in a relationship.
So after all my research the jury is in:
MEN HAVE TO TELL A WOMAN HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT HER IN ORDER FOR HER TO FEEL SECURE.
I've combed several websites and the consistency of this message is undeniable. The main cause for this need is rooted in the fact that women use language and expression to manifest their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and concerns. When we are involved in any of our relationships be it work related, within the context of family, we express our perceptions, thoughts, and feelings both verbally and non-verbally.
When we're in a group of friends, rarely do we sit and watch a show, go out for an activity, or even occupy ourselves with something other than the group. We sit (and often in some form of circle) and talk. Why? Because it is a release. We need to give life to some of those whacky things we're feeling and thinking in order for them to do die. The longer the thought, feeling, or perception goes un-expressed, the stronger it gets. And if women know anything, some of those thoughts, feelings, and perceptions can't get that strong or they will ruin something in our lives.
Having said that. I think one major mis-communication between men and women is what it is we want you to say to us! Everyone knows that most of the things expressed by women are just that - expressions. If you're wondering when it is you should take a woman seriously - pay attention to what she repeats over and over and over and over. At that point she isn't just talking......she's warning!
Here are a few common phrases I found that women respond to the most in order to feel secure. If you're wondering or wanting a woman to feel loved, respected, and desired by you, check these out:
1. I think you're beautiful.
2. You can tell me, I'm listening.
3. It's going to be alright.
4. What can I do to help?
5. I love you.
Contrary to what many men think are the things women want to hear, these simple five phrases will make a woman gush with love and feel totally secure that you are into her. For many, it doesn't take flowers on the job once a month (although flowers are ALWAYS nice to receive), or an expensive vacation, or jewelry. Each of these things are nice to receive on occasion but as women we understand that they are not the norm. What I believe each woman is looking for from the man she is involved with are the sentiments that expressed in these statements. Let me break them down for you, in the same order presented above:
1. "Ok good, so he's satisfied with me and desires me, I don't have to worry that he'll be unfaithful! *sigh of relief*"
2. "He wants to know what I am thinking or feeling right now. Thank God! I was getting ready to burst and he has saved the day!"
3. "I'm scared shitless...but I won't cowar, after all, my man has my back!"
4. "My man understands how difficult life can be for me sometimes, when he just asked me if he could help, even though I may not take him up on it, he just showed me that I'm not out here alone"
5. "Love is more superior than any other thing in this world - it's what fuels me, now that he has told me he loves me, I feel stronger than I ever have because I know with his love I can do anything!"
So you see fellas, it isn't that we want you to quote Shakespeare or write us love songs...we can see that those sentiments are as contrived as you can. It's what you're saying to us when the spotlight isn't on, in those quiet moments that we give to you, that make us feel secure. Hopefully, by now you know, a secure woman will go out, conquer the world, and bring them back to you to enjoy the spoils! After all, what do you think Eve was doing wandering in the garden in the first place?
So after all my research the jury is in:
MEN HAVE TO TELL A WOMAN HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT HER IN ORDER FOR HER TO FEEL SECURE.
I've combed several websites and the consistency of this message is undeniable. The main cause for this need is rooted in the fact that women use language and expression to manifest their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and concerns. When we are involved in any of our relationships be it work related, within the context of family, we express our perceptions, thoughts, and feelings both verbally and non-verbally.
When we're in a group of friends, rarely do we sit and watch a show, go out for an activity, or even occupy ourselves with something other than the group. We sit (and often in some form of circle) and talk. Why? Because it is a release. We need to give life to some of those whacky things we're feeling and thinking in order for them to do die. The longer the thought, feeling, or perception goes un-expressed, the stronger it gets. And if women know anything, some of those thoughts, feelings, and perceptions can't get that strong or they will ruin something in our lives.
Having said that. I think one major mis-communication between men and women is what it is we want you to say to us! Everyone knows that most of the things expressed by women are just that - expressions. If you're wondering when it is you should take a woman seriously - pay attention to what she repeats over and over and over and over. At that point she isn't just talking......she's warning!
Here are a few common phrases I found that women respond to the most in order to feel secure. If you're wondering or wanting a woman to feel loved, respected, and desired by you, check these out:
1. I think you're beautiful.
2. You can tell me, I'm listening.
3. It's going to be alright.
4. What can I do to help?
5. I love you.
Contrary to what many men think are the things women want to hear, these simple five phrases will make a woman gush with love and feel totally secure that you are into her. For many, it doesn't take flowers on the job once a month (although flowers are ALWAYS nice to receive), or an expensive vacation, or jewelry. Each of these things are nice to receive on occasion but as women we understand that they are not the norm. What I believe each woman is looking for from the man she is involved with are the sentiments that expressed in these statements. Let me break them down for you, in the same order presented above:
1. "Ok good, so he's satisfied with me and desires me, I don't have to worry that he'll be unfaithful! *sigh of relief*"
2. "He wants to know what I am thinking or feeling right now. Thank God! I was getting ready to burst and he has saved the day!"
3. "I'm scared shitless...but I won't cowar, after all, my man has my back!"
4. "My man understands how difficult life can be for me sometimes, when he just asked me if he could help, even though I may not take him up on it, he just showed me that I'm not out here alone"
5. "Love is more superior than any other thing in this world - it's what fuels me, now that he has told me he loves me, I feel stronger than I ever have because I know with his love I can do anything!"
So you see fellas, it isn't that we want you to quote Shakespeare or write us love songs...we can see that those sentiments are as contrived as you can. It's what you're saying to us when the spotlight isn't on, in those quiet moments that we give to you, that make us feel secure. Hopefully, by now you know, a secure woman will go out, conquer the world, and bring them back to you to enjoy the spoils! After all, what do you think Eve was doing wandering in the garden in the first place?
Join the conversation, add your comment11 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On February 12, 2010, 12:16 pm TMurray says:
Nice post msb. I agree. Women and our needs don't have to be as complex as they are made out to be. Your list of 5 things may vary slightly from woman to woman, but I would think that 2-3 of them are universal. I would like to see a version of this list for men too....
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On February 12, 2010, 1:01 pm Wood says:
That is true MSCBS, those things happens when a man is "in love" with his woman, but what happens when he is absolutely crazy about his woman, would do anything for her, stand by her side, confort her, she met his family, he listens to her, etc... but doesn't love her like "that", or is in love with her. One thing about relationships, is that many of us brothas can see ourselves being happy and content on one level of the relationship, but not on the other level.
MSABC, you keep refering to your man as your "lover", not even as your BF as the one where you are having these emotional conflict with. Before you do anything, first find out whether this man is in love with you. You mentioned how you stuck by this man, supported him in his career, etc... that man should be in love with you before you take another emotional step in clarifying anything. You could be be wasting you time. Ask this brotha whether or not he is love with, then maybe things will clear up for you. I don't think you can ask or expect too much from a "lover". |
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On February 12, 2010, 1:41 pm Reina says:
I like this, Ms. B, and I agree. #3 is probably the most important to me. I just need to know someone has faith that things will turn out right when my world crumbles around me.
Good post. |
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On February 12, 2010, 1:42 pm Reina says:
I like this, Ms. B, and I agree. #3 is probably the most important to me. I just need to know someone has faith that things will turn out right when my world crumbles around me.
Good post. |
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On February 12, 2010, 2:12 pm MassAppeal says:
@MsB
Any man can tell you anything, any phrase and/or sell you any type of love story including your list 1-5 but it still won't mean anything if his actions don't add up. That's why women get so caught up because you all need words, phrases and titles to validate your postion with a man versus looking at the intagible assets a man is providing to you on the regular. |
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On February 12, 2010, 5:31 pm Dashon says:
MsB: Hate to say it, but I agree with Mass. I feel where you're coming from and on many levels agree with your summary of a woman's needs....but I like Missouri....SHOW ME.
Some guys tell us all kind of stuff, some of the things on your list and whatever else they feel will get them what they want, but to Mass' point with actions that say those for them....and consistently done...it means Nada. Just 2.5 |
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On February 12, 2010, 5:43 pm Dashon says:
MsB: Hate to say it, but I agree with Mass. I feel where you're coming from and on many levels agree with your summary of a woman's needs....but I like Missouri....SHOW ME.
Some guys will tell us all kind of stuff, some of the things on your list and whatever else they feel will get them what they want, but to Mass' point without actions that say those things for them....and consistently...it means Nada. Just 2.5 |
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On February 13, 2010, 4:43 pm primarythoughts.net says:
@MsB - I have to co-sign with Mass & Dashon. A man can say whatever. The feelings that you attach to his words can be blinding - women struggle to separate fact from perception.
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On February 15, 2010, 8:48 pm msbnmd says:
@All: I feel the need to clarify that these are specific to relationship behaviors that I was addressing. Sure in the dating game, we all have to be discerning but once a man and a woman decide to be together...I think we should also talk about what we do when we "get what we're looking for". I feel the whole idea behind watching how a man treats you...but ladies, are you saying you don't need to be told any of these things once the relationship has been established?
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On February 16, 2010, 9:44 pm Dashon says:
"I feel the whole idea behind watching how a man treats you...but ladies, are you saying you don't need to be told any of these things once the relationship has been established?"
@MsB: No, not saying that I don't like receiving verbal affirmation of a man's feelings for me; my point was that what they say (or don't say) matters less to me than how they treat me. Hearing those phrases of endearment do something for our hearts....no doubt, but they have to be coupled with actions that say the same thing for them to really mean something to me. |
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On February 17, 2010, 8:20 am Wood says:
MSCBS, I must have missed it, but what is the actual status of your relationship with ole brotha man? I thought I read "lover" serveral times, but I'm reading more than that in your words, if you get my drift.
Or maybe I'm just getting old and maybe the word "lover" has evolved into something that I missed over the years...lol. Back in my day, the term "lover" was what we now call FBs or BC. Hell, back in my day, the term "swaggar" meant a boisterous ass hole... there was nothing cool or smooth about it. |
