In a recent blog entitled Are Pimpin’ and Dating the Same? I asked the question of whether or not we’re all just a bunch of pimps and hoes in this game we call “dating”. I promised to explore the characteristics of a pimp in order for us to begin to fairly examine whether or not the parallels between the pimpin’ game and the dating game are actually real.

How many of us have heard the old adage: “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game”? Well, in most cases, the game is nothing more than a more sophisticated form of pimpin and hoeing.  Just like everyone isn’t going to be the next president or fortune five hundred company CEO, everyone isn’t made out to be a pimp. Also, it must be noted, right off the top, that in today’s world or in the world of the game, being a pimp is not a gender specific role; just the same, being a hoe isn’t gender specific either. Pimpin is an attitude, a world view, an approach to life. Are you wondering if you’re a pimp? Maybe you are sitting there reading this, wondering if you’re the hoe. Maybe my short analysis will answer your question, but chances are you already know.

Do You Attempt to Exert Your Will Over Others?
At the basis of pimpin’ is the core belief that what you want and how you get it is a “job” or a responsibility of another person; you simply have to convince the person of this truth.  As a pimp, you realize that your desires and comforts cannot just be met by your efforts. So in order to supplement the areas in which you cannot provide for yourself you begin to assign “jobs” or “roles” to those who are enticed by you. Pimps are extremely seductive about this truth.  In their reality, their need for others is not emotional, nor psychological; it’s technical, logical, more like a business decision. Life, from this perspective is about having your way. In contemporary society we encounter these people as “secure, sure footed, stubborn, or selfish”. But no matter what way you look at it, these people are more concerned with being identified by what they gain, and who they know, or rather, what others think of them. Instead of establishing a life where they are the sole creator of their destiny, these people seductively “employ” others to help them materialize what they want to experience.  In being able to do so, these people are constantly on the lookout for the next ‘good hoe’ that will live and die (not literally, but in some cases I guess it could be literal) to meet their needs – by any means necessary.

Do You Consider Your Love a Commodity?
Pimps aren’t just the violent depiction we see in the movies. Often the very thing that they are selling to their potential hoes is an idea or ideal of family. Pimps are business people first – which means they are constantly assessing income versus output – so for them, the sale of a happily ever after is nothing more than output.  As a result, the income they expect is based on what the other person is able to provide. Let me explain – there are those who live to love, and those who are counting their acts of love as though it is some form of currency. As we all know, love cannot be given, nor taken away. But the pimp doesn’t see things this way. In fact, the very nature of the pimp’s role in a hoe’s life is to fulfill the needs that the hoe either cannot or will not fulfill for themselves. As a result, even if it’s an illusion, or a desire, the pimp will present it to the other as a point of sale. The pimp, it should be noted, will just as likely produce as they expect others to produce, however, a pimp knows their limits and sets them, while a hoe has no limit to what they will do for their pimp. No questions asked, no arguments made, no discomfort established. Since they are receiving the illusion they are after, they must deliver the goods their pimp is after.

What’s the First Thing You Notice in a Person, Their Strengths or Their Weaknesses?
Pimps are notorious for being extremely selective about the hoes they choose. The relationship between a pimp and a hoe cannot flourish if there isn’t a sort of yin and yang type of chemistry. Pimps aren’t looking for hoes that are just like them - people who see relationships as a business not a mutual exchange or an opportunity to relate. Nor are they looking for “spirited” people who want to challenge their perspective and world view. A pimp is looking to remain exactly as they are and to be seen by a hoe as some form of “savior” [usually called a “God Complex”]. The only way this can happen is if the pimp commits themselves to a specific behavior: analyzing the weaknesses of others. A pimp isn’t going to try and pimp just anyone out. Noooooo, a pimp is looking for a particular type of person in order to garner the trust and respect they need to exert their will over the other. But more specifically, a pimp is looking for a specific type of weakness: a person with a fragile personal constitution. If a man or woman is approached by a pimp and they are successful in exerting their will over the other, and convincing the other that they are able to exchange “goods” [the pimp wants their gains, the hoe wants their illusions] then the psychological game begins. It’s interesting how many people are unaware of the fact that the “type” they so frequently refer to is sometimes nothing more than a personality that will effectively yield to their “standards, demands, and expectations”.

Pimps are obsessed, almost consumed with control. In the eyes of a pimp, they need to own or be in control of all of their interactions with others. Many psychologists call this a “God Complex”.  Rather than being invested in mutual growth, exploration, and intimacy the pimp wants to control. What makes a pimp different from say, a drug dealer, or a thief? Well the pimp is selling the illusion of love, friendship, protection, care, and security. While many people do generally want these things, the pimp is in search of that person who needs these illusions in order to feel at peace. Interesting huh? Ever met a guy or girl who portrayed this illusion, only to wind up trying to control when, how, and in what way you express your love for them? Hmmmm…..

But of course, without one, there cannot be the other; if you're not the pimp, then surely you're the hoe.So in the next round, we’ll look at the Psychology of a Hoe. I think it’s worth investigating. Do you think one role is more preferential than the other? How about the way we see each other? Is it possible that there is a pimp and a hoe in all of us? Maybe, if you find yourself feeling like there isn’t any hoe in you; you have just been able to pimp and vice versa. Is it possible, in this world of dating, that we are all just acting out the roles of the game whether we know we’re playing or not?

-ms.b