MSCBN, I've heard and felt myself that many sistas have long list of what they want the man to have, do, be, earn, etc, but comes up very short with how the man is suppose to benefit out of a union.

I will never forget really feeling and dating this one sista during my wanting to get married years, when upon getting ready to go out, I pulled out a shirt that I wanted to wear that didn't need ironing. When I looked at the shirt, I noticed it had a stained on the front, so I pulled out another shirt that did need ironing.  I asked her would she mind ironing the shirt for me while I jump in the shower to save some time.  She told me..."I don't like ironing".

I jumped in the shower and ironed the shirt when I got out.  I struggled to continue the date, because I wanted to end the relationship before spending my money for dinner, but I ended it the next morning though.   I'm in the shower and thinking like damn, this sista was doing all this talking about being serious, finding the right man, etc, and she can't even iron a damn shirt!... I was pissed, but I kept my thoughts to myself.  That next morning, I just told her that "the relationship isn't working out", and I got off the phone.

There has been quite a few relationships where as I felt that I was suppose to continue the relation or proceed to the next level for them, as in just taking one for the "team".

@MsB:  I think for some of us, we have dehumanized man.  Primarily as a result of being hurt or dissapointed numerous times, we put on our suit of armour (and dehumanization is a part of that) to help protect us from additional pain & dissapointment.  Is it right?  No, but it is a natural by-product that if gone unchecked will morph into a permenant way of thinking. 

I think the same can be said for men.  The whole I'm just gonna screw as many as I can and quit it attitude is generally a by-product of past pain & dissapointment.  Just my 2.5

you're definetly right. A lot of women i think move into relationships or try to without saying "I will give you..." in return for what they ask of a man. some of us out there don't realize how selfish we are, stepping over guys to fulfill our wants.

If I have dehumanized any man, its because of my pride. I realize now that I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anybody because of that. I also have issues from past relationships with certain men in my life - some who have impacted it deeply, and others who had little to no influence. If i had to pick the one reason for why I do it, I'd have to say its caused by my relationship with my father.

Your father is the first man you will ever know. He supposed to love your mother unconditionally and put his children first before everything (blood is thicker than water). Yet, I didn't have that. The things I witnessed and experienced in my family and with my family, have forever changed my perspective of what a man should be and what sort of man I want in my life.

@wood, in your case, I would have been the person to take the shirt and iron it for you without you even asking and usually that's half my story. When I wait for you to reciprocate the gesture and you don't, I think to myself "that's something my father would do to my mother" and I realize that's something I don't want - it's over.

i'm gonna stop, cuz I feel like I'm just rambling on

I personally think when a man and woman date or talk on the phone, expectations are discussed. I would not want to get serious with a man and 6 months later he discovers i hate cooking. Unless I missed something, he will know what I want and will know what he want in the very beginning. I would hate for a brother to think we are going to have kids when clearly this is not the case. I dont date brothers with kids. Yeah I have some butt they are older so why would I want to raise someone elses. These things must be discussed or someone is going to be very disappointed in the long run. Whatever I want or dont want it is out in the open.
@Wood Maybe ironing the shirt should have been discussed. I dont iron either and wouldnt expect a man to ask me to iron for him.

@Blackswan.  I feel you on that one.  Although, I'm perceptive of reciprocation in relationships, I'm not a "I did this for you, now it is your turn" type of guy.  I don't ask for much, but when I do, I need it.

@Loveless: Maybe ironing the shirt should have been discussed.  I don't think something like ironing a shirt in such a situation needs to be discussed...as a primary expectation in a relationship, yes, but one shirt under those situation, naaa.  I dont iron either and wouldnt expect a man to ask me to iron for him.  During my time during my early thirties, I've delibriately blocked off time frames of maybe three of four months about once a year of specifically dating to find a potential wife, ironically, those times where the worse dating moments of my life.  At that time, I was in one of those "moments", so I had to let her go to leave myself open to the next one.  There are alot of things in a relationship that folks don't "like" doing, but if ironing a shirt reaches the level of not doing something for another because you "don't like", you are of very little use to me. 

Now, normally when I come across sistas who don't do much in the relationship but provide good compainionship, I will give them a GF only title.  I've had plenty of GFs who really didn't do much outside of providing some good companionship, and I really don't have a problem with them not cooking a meal, or other things in the relationship.  My problem is with them having the nerve to want it to go to the next level... that is a problem.  You would not believe how many sistas who think they don't have to do sh.t for a man, but after a few years actually having the nerve to want something more than to be an eternal GF.  I'm like you gots to be kidding me.

Oh, a sista will have to come out of her pocket though...lol.

Note to members...this is a draft...I love the feedback but the sentiment was not fully expressed b/c of computer errors....I will be re-submitting later today in order to give the full blog!

Thanks for the feedback!!!!!!

I have heard women of all races say "I dont even need a man to make a bay let alone raise one" Hmmm... So where does that leave men?

I think with the breakdown of the family in so many ways has put men and women on the defensive to not get hurt, when we should be doing our part to be loved.

I need a woman YES I admit that but I will continue to be alone until I find a woman who can handle me being a man while she be the woman. Trsut me it's hard to find