July 29th 2010
Happily Single
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by msbnmd on October 17, 2009, 9:17 am in Dating
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5 comments |
Last night I stayed out at my sister's crib until one in the morning, having cocktails, and laughing until my side hurt. I came home, read until I was too drowsy to understand the words on the page, then went to sleep.
I woke up this morning to silence in my lil' one bedroom apartment and made some coffee. I am enjoying the sound of the rain through cracked windows. I have a huge sweatshirt on with stretched out sweat pants. My hair is a mess. I haven't brushed my teeth. And there is laundry piled up in my bedroom. The dishes in my sink, well, they can sit there until I feel like washing them. I slept in the nude. And just because of all these things: I am happily single!
I didn't always have this type of contentment. I used to agonize over the lonliness of single living. I compared my life to those around me and envied them. I wanted badly to boast of the successful husband, the adorable infant, and the beautiful home we built together. These images and fantasies ruled my existence. I lived in constant worry that something was wrong with me. I pleaded with God to bring the right people into my life so I could finally rest in happiness.
Then I realized, happiness is a choice. I realized, no matter whether or not I find the man of my dreams, have the children I desire to have, or if I never live in the beautiful Victorian with the white picket fence; happines is always my responsibility and choice. Be happy. Be happy. Be happy. I started to desire happiness above all those things. Suprisingly, that's when I began to feel happy. When my focus shifted from what I wanted, to what I have, and who I am, happiness flooded my heart.
Last week was particularly stressful for me. Work, like always, dominated my thoughts. I was pushed to my limit by people, circumstances, and fatigued beyond belief. When I arrived home at the end of a particularly stressful day all I could do was undress, turn off all the lights, and lay in bed decompressing. To some, this may sound sad. For me, it was the exact antidote for the situations I found myself in during the day. While I was relaxing, listening to my thoughts and the sound of cars rushing about outside the window it hit me: If I had a husband, a family, and greater personal responsibilities, that moment, filled with peace, and serenity after long hours of stress, would not have been possible.
I exchanged my frequent fantasies for a loving husband with the grattitude that where I was, doing exactly nothing, was where I wanted to be. I spent the next several minutes being grateful that there wasn't any dinner to prepare, or clothes to fold. I relished in the reality that my life is ALL MINE! I could lay there in bed, in solitude, for as long as I pleased. I didn't have to explain my feelings, or the day that exhausted me. I was truly able to leave it all behind, and re-charge my battery.
Whether or not my current situation is a permanent one, I don't know. What I do know is I have never been this happy! I am joyfully writing this blog, in the silence of my home. I am content making supper for one. I am thrilled that that towel, over there, hanging on the banister, is mine. I know where I left the coffee filters, and I don't have to worry about who is doing what when. THIS is freedom to me!
I have not closed myself off from a relationship; I will welcome a loving partner with open arms. However, my life is good. Fabulous. Mine. Completely crazy and as simple as I want it to be. When I do become a part of a pair, I will look back on this time as a happy time. I do not wish to be anywhere else, doing anything else, than what I'm doing now. I am so grateful for this time of learning myself, enjoying myself, and living with myself. There is nothing lonely about personal satisfaction. There is nothing lonely about self-reliance. There is nothing lonely about peace. This is the good stuff life is all about! I am happy: Happily Single!
FH: Whether you are in a relationship or not, does your life represent happiness? Have you removed the habit of projecting into the future and become joyful about the present? What elements of your life today, as a single person would you miss if they weren't available to you once you get intimately involved with someone?
ms.b
I woke up this morning to silence in my lil' one bedroom apartment and made some coffee. I am enjoying the sound of the rain through cracked windows. I have a huge sweatshirt on with stretched out sweat pants. My hair is a mess. I haven't brushed my teeth. And there is laundry piled up in my bedroom. The dishes in my sink, well, they can sit there until I feel like washing them. I slept in the nude. And just because of all these things: I am happily single!
I didn't always have this type of contentment. I used to agonize over the lonliness of single living. I compared my life to those around me and envied them. I wanted badly to boast of the successful husband, the adorable infant, and the beautiful home we built together. These images and fantasies ruled my existence. I lived in constant worry that something was wrong with me. I pleaded with God to bring the right people into my life so I could finally rest in happiness.
Then I realized, happiness is a choice. I realized, no matter whether or not I find the man of my dreams, have the children I desire to have, or if I never live in the beautiful Victorian with the white picket fence; happines is always my responsibility and choice. Be happy. Be happy. Be happy. I started to desire happiness above all those things. Suprisingly, that's when I began to feel happy. When my focus shifted from what I wanted, to what I have, and who I am, happiness flooded my heart.
Last week was particularly stressful for me. Work, like always, dominated my thoughts. I was pushed to my limit by people, circumstances, and fatigued beyond belief. When I arrived home at the end of a particularly stressful day all I could do was undress, turn off all the lights, and lay in bed decompressing. To some, this may sound sad. For me, it was the exact antidote for the situations I found myself in during the day. While I was relaxing, listening to my thoughts and the sound of cars rushing about outside the window it hit me: If I had a husband, a family, and greater personal responsibilities, that moment, filled with peace, and serenity after long hours of stress, would not have been possible.
I exchanged my frequent fantasies for a loving husband with the grattitude that where I was, doing exactly nothing, was where I wanted to be. I spent the next several minutes being grateful that there wasn't any dinner to prepare, or clothes to fold. I relished in the reality that my life is ALL MINE! I could lay there in bed, in solitude, for as long as I pleased. I didn't have to explain my feelings, or the day that exhausted me. I was truly able to leave it all behind, and re-charge my battery.
Whether or not my current situation is a permanent one, I don't know. What I do know is I have never been this happy! I am joyfully writing this blog, in the silence of my home. I am content making supper for one. I am thrilled that that towel, over there, hanging on the banister, is mine. I know where I left the coffee filters, and I don't have to worry about who is doing what when. THIS is freedom to me!
I have not closed myself off from a relationship; I will welcome a loving partner with open arms. However, my life is good. Fabulous. Mine. Completely crazy and as simple as I want it to be. When I do become a part of a pair, I will look back on this time as a happy time. I do not wish to be anywhere else, doing anything else, than what I'm doing now. I am so grateful for this time of learning myself, enjoying myself, and living with myself. There is nothing lonely about personal satisfaction. There is nothing lonely about self-reliance. There is nothing lonely about peace. This is the good stuff life is all about! I am happy: Happily Single!
FH: Whether you are in a relationship or not, does your life represent happiness? Have you removed the habit of projecting into the future and become joyful about the present? What elements of your life today, as a single person would you miss if they weren't available to you once you get intimately involved with someone?
ms.b
Join the conversation, add your comment5 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On March 29, 2010, 12:14 am Tikit says:
Hi Ms. B,
I'm totally enjoying your blogs. You are a great writer. I just read two of your blogs and was surprised to find the commonalities in our feelings. I'm an only child, so I've lived the majority of my life doing things alone. So by circumstances I've learned to be comfortable and happy doing things by myself. So only recently have being single been one of the things I wanted to change about my life. I realized that even though I enjoy my home being intact, the peacefulness of my comfortable surroundings, and no required check-in...I do know that I've experienced much happiness having someone to share my life with. So, I've quieted the future projections and realized I have to get out of my comfort zone to be more available for the next phase in my life. I'm afraid that I will get content and not be open to accepting someone in if I allow my singleness to be the leading factor. I'm living like this is just a temporary state. It's the one thing I don't mind giving up if the cards lay in my favor. So until I become part of a pair, I will continue to go to the movies, go to dinner, go to Europe, etc. all by myself. I will miss traveling. I know I will continue to do this, but definitely not to the extent of my travels now. I will also miss the security of knowing it will get done. I will definitely have to learn how to trust that he will do what he says he will do. I'm a control freak by default. That will take some getting use to, but once it's flowing...it will be a blessing for sure. |
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On March 29, 2010, 9:56 am msbnmd says:
Hi Tikit! Thanks for reading my blogs and for your generous appraisal of my writing...lol....I'm glad that we share the same thinking!
So, I've quieted the future projections and realized I have to get out of my comfort zone to be more available for the next phase in my life. I'm afraid that I will get content and not be open to accepting someone in if I allow my singleness to be the leading factor. I'm living like this is just a temporary state. I can totally relate to these sentiments! I struggle a LOT with being willing to step outside of my comfort zone! In RickGeez's question: What Single Habits Would be Hard for You to Give Up? I found myself having this extremely long list of things I would begrudingly give up if/when I find myself partnered. Although I find myself asserting : "I'm ready for love!" Often I have to reflect on whether I'm ready to share, be honest, forgiving, tolerant, and so on with a man. Singleness is for some a temporary state, and for others permanent. Do you think that we consciously or unconsciously choose this? Or is it a matter of fate? Just wondering what your thoughts are...... -ms.b |
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On March 29, 2010, 10:06 am MassAppeal says:
MsB
If I can jump in, I think we unconsciously choose to be in the singleness state of mind. It is a choice but some people are more comfortable than we think we are being single and more people have become less willing to put in work to make a relationship work. I have a blog coming soon called "It All Falls Down", would like to read some feedback from you. |
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On March 29, 2010, 10:45 am msbnmd says:
@Mass: Great point! I'll look forward to that blog...and the concept of when "It All Falls Down"....sounds like some food for thought......
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Some days I do better than others with it....still a work in progress for me.
What elements of your life today, as a single person would you miss if they weren't available to you once you get intimately involved with someone?
The freedom to come and go as I please without having to be accountable for my whereabouts, and also I love being able to go back and find something exactly where and how I left it.