July 29th 2010
Is Your Perfect Mate a Gender Stereotype?
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by msbnmd on October 16, 2009, 6:14 pm in General
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1 comments |
We all know that stereotypes are harmful exagerations of what a person, group, or culture are like. We dismiss stereotypes because they are gross generalizations about people that are not 100% accurate. Where some people within a group may subscribe to certain behavior patterns it is never fair to assume that all people within that group are the same. So why is it that we catergorize the genders about what they should or should not be able to do in relationships, regardless of whether or not it is true for that person?
Women and men alike are guilty of statements like: "A man is supposed to...." and "A good woman is....". These statements although traditionally acceptable, leave a narrow window for mutual respect between the sexes. Often when single many of us take on behaviors commonly associated with the opposite gender. For example, many single men cook their own meals, wash their own dishes, and make their own beds. Additionally, many women today can change a flat tire, negotiate the best price for an item, or work an intensive 60 hour work week without breaking a sweat. These behaviors are celebrated when we are single; our friends and families admire our "independence". Then, we couple, and something shifts.
It's as if many of us are comfortable with "holding it down" as an independent person but are all too ready to shift a number of "gender specific" duties onto our partners once we get involved. Why do you think we do this? Are our gender stereotypes so ingrained in our pysche that we have come to expect that a "man" do this and a "woman" do that?
Suppose a woman in a relationship is not as emotionally nurturing as women are traditionally expected through stereotypes. What shall we say of that woman? What if she receives personal satisfaction from conquering obstacles and challenges within her field of work and isn't into hearing about her man's day, doesn't want to make dinner, or prefers that the needs of her mate and family not rest on her shoulders. Is she no longer a "good woman"?
What if we have a man who is emotionally nurturing and not interested in providing for the family based on traditional expecatations? What if we meet fall in love, and decide to permenately decide to partner with someone who is interested in raising children, nurturing relationships with members of the community and cooking? Would we consider him "less of a man"?
Culturally, Black People in America have always had "non-traditional" roles within the home. I don't know if this is the result of choice or survival. Nevertheless, we have had to be flexible about what defined our spouses or partners. However, today, we see a new kind of demand for tradition that was not previously present. Has the modern relationship reverted back to old stereotypes of genders in the new age? When we are creating our lists for what the perfect mate for us would be, are we open to that person being an individual and not an embodiment of gender stereotypes.
Of course we all have this desire to meet, marry, and partner with someone who will supplement all of our deficiencies. However, what if you are deficient in what your gender is "supposed" to be able to do? Are you any less of a woman or man? Would you, FH Fam, be willing to break away from gender stereotypes in order to break into love? How bogged down by the expectations of gender stereotypes are you in this modern world?
Let's talk....
ms.b
Women and men alike are guilty of statements like: "A man is supposed to...." and "A good woman is....". These statements although traditionally acceptable, leave a narrow window for mutual respect between the sexes. Often when single many of us take on behaviors commonly associated with the opposite gender. For example, many single men cook their own meals, wash their own dishes, and make their own beds. Additionally, many women today can change a flat tire, negotiate the best price for an item, or work an intensive 60 hour work week without breaking a sweat. These behaviors are celebrated when we are single; our friends and families admire our "independence". Then, we couple, and something shifts.
It's as if many of us are comfortable with "holding it down" as an independent person but are all too ready to shift a number of "gender specific" duties onto our partners once we get involved. Why do you think we do this? Are our gender stereotypes so ingrained in our pysche that we have come to expect that a "man" do this and a "woman" do that?
Suppose a woman in a relationship is not as emotionally nurturing as women are traditionally expected through stereotypes. What shall we say of that woman? What if she receives personal satisfaction from conquering obstacles and challenges within her field of work and isn't into hearing about her man's day, doesn't want to make dinner, or prefers that the needs of her mate and family not rest on her shoulders. Is she no longer a "good woman"?
What if we have a man who is emotionally nurturing and not interested in providing for the family based on traditional expecatations? What if we meet fall in love, and decide to permenately decide to partner with someone who is interested in raising children, nurturing relationships with members of the community and cooking? Would we consider him "less of a man"?
Culturally, Black People in America have always had "non-traditional" roles within the home. I don't know if this is the result of choice or survival. Nevertheless, we have had to be flexible about what defined our spouses or partners. However, today, we see a new kind of demand for tradition that was not previously present. Has the modern relationship reverted back to old stereotypes of genders in the new age? When we are creating our lists for what the perfect mate for us would be, are we open to that person being an individual and not an embodiment of gender stereotypes.
Of course we all have this desire to meet, marry, and partner with someone who will supplement all of our deficiencies. However, what if you are deficient in what your gender is "supposed" to be able to do? Are you any less of a woman or man? Would you, FH Fam, be willing to break away from gender stereotypes in order to break into love? How bogged down by the expectations of gender stereotypes are you in this modern world?
Let's talk....
ms.b
Join the conversation, add your comment
Things like the man's pride, or outside influences affecting how both of them see an arrangement that may be unconventional, but that works for them. The woman will have folks in her ear...questioning her man's manhood, and his friends will jone-ing him about his woman wearing the proverbial pants. Is it right? NO...does it happen? Absolutely. And if both, or one of them are not secure with their (individual) identities, or become overly concerned with what folks think...it can have a negative impact on the relationship.
Personally, I don't want to cut grass, do home repairs, keep the cars in mint condition, etc., etc. I would rather stick with cooking & cleaning, and being a contributing partner (financially) to the relationship. Not because I'm committed to the "gender stereotypes" as you call them, just because that other stuff is so not my thang.