September 8th 2010
As GOD Created You!
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by msbnmd on April 14, 2010, 7:57 pm in Dating
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36 comments |
God made me black, brown skin, 5'7", full figured (I helped with that....lol), with brown eyes, shoulder length hair, that I wear natural at times, with great legs, and dimples! I am so glad that I am who I am; I would not exchange my physique for anything in the world. I try my best to be healthy, excercise, and keep myself looking good. I love wonderful perfumes, enjoy the pleasures of make-up to accenuate my natural beauty and to adorn myself with jewelery. I am a woman. What you see is what you get!
But that is not the case for many women.
There was a time when cosmetics were limited to AVON ladies and perms. African American women have seen our image expand to include a variety of shapes, colors, and appearances. But what about all the "gunk" today's African American woman is wearing to "appear" to be something she is not?
Hair weaves, extensions, acrylic nails, and the list goes on and on. In the last 10-15 years we've seen seemingly "average" women transform into "model-like" women all with the swipe of a credit card! Huh?
Now don't get me wrong, I totally support the way in which women can celebrate their beauty. It happens to be one of my favorite past times. But I have had enough with women who would have formerly resigned themselves to being "average" out here pretending to be something that they are not!
If she has kinky hair, and she doesn't like it, she gets a perm. If she has hair that doesn't grow beyond her ears than she gets a weave. In order to "appear" like she has long healthy nails she settles for acrylic! Is this really a celebration of beauty or a good ole' way to bamboozle others?
I mean really, how many of the women out here if forced to remove the weave, stop getting the perm, or take of the fake nails off would actually be a part of the 'social norm' of beauty they are trying to present? This may raise some hairs or hair weaves, but I gotta say, it isn't fair to the natural ladies who are rocking what God made them and instead being ignored for the lady who purchased her beauty!Let's keep it real: some of these women out here would look jacked up and busted if they weren't at the beauty supply store every week buying their weaves. The asian community would not be out-performing us economically as a community if they couldn't rely on sistahs lining up every day of the week for a 'fill-in' at the nail salon.
So what does any of this have to do with dating?
Well as I see it, there is too much celebration of superficial, fake appearances and not enough people 'keeping it real'. Why should a man believe that you are who you say you are and you are not even rocking your own hair? And don't you think it is a little unfair that the natural woman is overlooked for the sistah who has fake hair, fake nails, a pound of make-up on, and even fake eye lashes and eye color! How are we really celebrating beauty when so many of the women in our community are not presenting their true selves? Give me a break.
I realize that this may seem harsh and a large number of women in our community subscribe to the played out belief that "if you buy it, then it's yours" but truly, are you serious?I think that many men would not be making a b-line for that sistah with the "long straight hair" if he knew what it really looked like under those corn-rows or glue! Let's face it: as black women we have totally bought into the idea that the more white we look, the more beautiful we are! Sad.
Once upon a time there was a black man and a black woman, living in the projects raising three kids. struggling like most families do, to keep the household together. He was constantly angry and she was always the peace keeper. Their children, were each different in their own way. One thing was for sure though, he loved his woman, Florida Evans.
Have we gotten so "white washed" as a black community that there isn't any room left for women who naturally look like Florida Evans? Is it true that if you don't look like or create the look of a "video hoe" than men are going to over look you? How many sistahs, who are rocking exactly what God made them often feel like they are competing in the dating world with women who are clearly "adding" to their beauty? Do you think, if all women were required to present themselves just as God made them that the dating pool would be so competitive?
Let's Talk......
-ms.b
But that is not the case for many women.
There was a time when cosmetics were limited to AVON ladies and perms. African American women have seen our image expand to include a variety of shapes, colors, and appearances. But what about all the "gunk" today's African American woman is wearing to "appear" to be something she is not?
Hair weaves, extensions, acrylic nails, and the list goes on and on. In the last 10-15 years we've seen seemingly "average" women transform into "model-like" women all with the swipe of a credit card! Huh?
Now don't get me wrong, I totally support the way in which women can celebrate their beauty. It happens to be one of my favorite past times. But I have had enough with women who would have formerly resigned themselves to being "average" out here pretending to be something that they are not!
If she has kinky hair, and she doesn't like it, she gets a perm. If she has hair that doesn't grow beyond her ears than she gets a weave. In order to "appear" like she has long healthy nails she settles for acrylic! Is this really a celebration of beauty or a good ole' way to bamboozle others?
I mean really, how many of the women out here if forced to remove the weave, stop getting the perm, or take of the fake nails off would actually be a part of the 'social norm' of beauty they are trying to present? This may raise some hairs or hair weaves, but I gotta say, it isn't fair to the natural ladies who are rocking what God made them and instead being ignored for the lady who purchased her beauty!Let's keep it real: some of these women out here would look jacked up and busted if they weren't at the beauty supply store every week buying their weaves. The asian community would not be out-performing us economically as a community if they couldn't rely on sistahs lining up every day of the week for a 'fill-in' at the nail salon.
So what does any of this have to do with dating?
Well as I see it, there is too much celebration of superficial, fake appearances and not enough people 'keeping it real'. Why should a man believe that you are who you say you are and you are not even rocking your own hair? And don't you think it is a little unfair that the natural woman is overlooked for the sistah who has fake hair, fake nails, a pound of make-up on, and even fake eye lashes and eye color! How are we really celebrating beauty when so many of the women in our community are not presenting their true selves? Give me a break.
I realize that this may seem harsh and a large number of women in our community subscribe to the played out belief that "if you buy it, then it's yours" but truly, are you serious?I think that many men would not be making a b-line for that sistah with the "long straight hair" if he knew what it really looked like under those corn-rows or glue! Let's face it: as black women we have totally bought into the idea that the more white we look, the more beautiful we are! Sad.
Once upon a time there was a black man and a black woman, living in the projects raising three kids. struggling like most families do, to keep the household together. He was constantly angry and she was always the peace keeper. Their children, were each different in their own way. One thing was for sure though, he loved his woman, Florida Evans.
Have we gotten so "white washed" as a black community that there isn't any room left for women who naturally look like Florida Evans? Is it true that if you don't look like or create the look of a "video hoe" than men are going to over look you? How many sistahs, who are rocking exactly what God made them often feel like they are competing in the dating world with women who are clearly "adding" to their beauty? Do you think, if all women were required to present themselves just as God made them that the dating pool would be so competitive?
Let's Talk......
-ms.b
Join the conversation, add your comment36 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On April 14, 2010, 9:51 pm msbnmd says:
@Mass: Okay, okay, I feel your point: there is only competition if you view it as such, and men aren't as superficial as it may seem (not sure about that) but okay, I got it.
The thing that I want to re-direct you to is the fact that many women are getting attention for their false appearances and not for the "content of the character"......I mean, what would happen to men if they could suddenly grow hair instead of rocking the bald head when their hair falls out? Or what if a man could enhance his d*-k size, or get taller, or whatever? The point I'm trying to make is that whether a man or woman is secure or not, when you have folks of the same sex competing for the "one" and they are getting "ahead" of others as a result of pretending to have and be something they are not? What say you? To your point regarding superficiality of men, I don't agree. We've all agreed that attraction gets the man's attention. Folks can't "see" intelligence or "see" a good person. What they see is hair, nails, body, and so on..... |
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On April 14, 2010, 10:38 pm MassAppeal says:
@MsB
All I'm saying that there isn't a universal standard for beauty. For men certain looks and styles may grab our attention initially but it wouldn't hold it for long. Both men and women are superficial no doubt but we also have a variety of preferences from sizes, shades, shapes, styles and the type of characteristics that we like about a certain person. Just because a person has a weave or enhanced features shouldn't automatically take away from the content of their character. Just like if a person is a certain shade or size. I was looking for you to balance your blog out by saying more about character but it wasn't metioned one time throughout. It was based only on exterior features. |
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On April 14, 2010, 11:03 pm wotubenmissn says:
A person's looks are their resume' so-to-speak, whatever that look may be. I've seen women rockin' baldy's still getting mad play. Your look will get you in the door of the gentleman that is diggin it.
Why else would dudes rock toupee's? Wear boots? Purchase male enhancement pumps that only seem to work if you take the pill BEFORE meals AND drink 8 glasses of water, monitor your salt intake, and utilize it with a very specific 7 pump count (not that I know anything about that stuff). A woman could be doing all that and come across a dude that is VERY turned off by fakeness. So these methods that folks use to enhance their look should be simply internally motivated. |
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On April 15, 2010, 7:41 am JustAThought says:
@ MsBnMd:
While I get where you are trying to go, I kinda take issue with demonizing women as opposed to the society as well. Yes, people should celebrate the way that God made them. But society, and especially marginalized members of society, only holds up one standard of beauty. And minority people suffer for not meeting this standard. And they punish members of their own communities who don't meet them. A lot of the nasty comments that I've heard about dark skin and nappy hair have come from black people, mostly black men who POSSESSED nappy hair and dark skin. I've had brothers say "I want a woman that's natural, that looks good without all that stuff" but then turn down women who don't have the acrylic nails, who don't wear their hair a certain way (long and straight), etc. It's not just men, because as a natural sister, I've had other black women throw shade at my hair for not being permed (among other things). If our community doesn't value the way that our members naturally look, then how can we affect change in the wider community? And what good does it do to criticize women, when these women are responding to wider societal pressures? I mean, I've had the experience of men telling me to straighten my hair, of ignoring me everyday for weeks until I had a sew-in down my back, of getting additional compliments from SOs when I wore acrylic nails instead of my practical, but very short, natural nails. |
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On April 15, 2010, 8:45 am MsValleyG says:
Great blog Msb! I often question this myself. Natural beauty is not glorified much anymore. Instead as you indicated, many have resorted to "adding' to thier beauty or practically "creating' beauty. Like you said, take off some of the make-up and the weave, what lies beneath all of that added "beauty"...
In the end, to each his own. It just amazes me how much MONEY black women spend on 'beautifying" themselves according to society's definition or portrayal of beauty. We fund the Chinese so much by buying hair and getting fake nails (which only ruins natural nails). The BIGGER issue is what are we teaching our children and children's children about loving their 'blackness' and the richness of our culture... Black is beautiful... @Justathought: So true. Black women are depicted so negatively in society and black women hate on each other and pull each other down too much. How is that helping with how we are perceived, if we can't love one another irrespective of how we look, what we may wear (hair or nails or whatever) and who we are intrisically? We're only adding to the problem... |
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On April 15, 2010, 8:47 am MsValleyG says:
@Mass: Very true... We can't only focus on the external things that make a person (in this case black women). Character and personality play a larger role in WHO the person is...
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On April 15, 2010, 8:53 am MsValleyG says:
@Msb: So what if women are getting attention based on false appearances... Actually I don't even feel these appearances are false. If a woman chooses to ENHANCE her beauty with hair & nails, that's her perogative. Men are very visual so her beauty or appearance may draw him initially but I certainly don't believe it will keep his attention if she has no character or personality. All men aren't shallow & superficial and just looking for 'eye candy' or someone to wear on their shoulders as a trophy girl. Some men (well many) when it comes to settling down are looking for character and personality... an intrinsic character... which cannot be outweighed by 'superficial' qualities or just based on looks.
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On April 15, 2010, 9:30 am RickGeez says:
MsVG
Sister Black is still beautiful and it starts from within ourselves. Media, other ethnic groups and societal "standards" are determining what is to be considered what's beatiful or not. With that said, who's determining and measuring what we should consider as competition in relation to gaining respect and attention from brothers? If that's the case we have competition between tall and short brothers, light and dark skin, white vs. black. So if that's the case we may need to broaden this conversation and open it u to all our differences that we deem as competition if that's the case. I love a natural, eccletic sister but without any susbstance inside that's where the converstion ends. Even though a sister may engage in wearing extensive make up, extensions or any other enhancements we can't discredit the beauty she may possess inside and how she treats and respect other individuals. We all have a desire to look and feel a certain way. |
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On April 15, 2010, 9:41 am msbnmd says:
@JAT: Hey! Thanks for chiming in!
"A lot of the nasty comments that I've heard about dark skin and nappy hair have come from black people, mostly black men who POSSESSED nappy hair and dark skin. I've had brothers say "I want a woman that's natural, that looks good without all that stuff" but then turn down women who don't have the acrylic nails, who don't wear their hair a certain way (long and straight), etc." This sentiment is exactly what I was referring to. Specifically the part about "I want a woman who is natural...". I take issue more than just because I think society is demoralizing the black woman...the BLACK MAN is often just a guilty. I concur, also, that black women do it with one another. But the larger point I want to address is that there has to be a measure of beauty that is based on nature! I find it problematic if a woman is assessed on her beauty and much of it is not natural to her. Why? You might ask. Because I think the very participation in getting fake nails, hair, and so on is supporting the myth of "the whiter the better" and how can we truly say we are celebrating our differences as a community of people if all we tend to do is try to "look" the same? Where is the diversity? Do you think ladies who look like Florida Evans are getting the same kind of play as women who look like Beyonce? |
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On April 15, 2010, 9:43 am Perpetual says:
@msbnmd: mmmm...I like this post. I've worn weave before and I will never wear it again. I like touching my hair. Most if not all of the men I've dated like real hair and they love my clean crisp natural nails. I get what you're saying about not getting enough credit for being your natural self. I think we feel that way bc of the media. The more European a women looks, the more beautiful she is to the majority. A lot of men love what they see on TV...and women do too.
I feel like women are trying to become Kim Kardasian, Beyonce,Tara Banks, or Jessica White. These women are always made up, all wear hair weaves, and some have had some things slightly altered (noses). But if these women were not made up, you'd see the rings around their eyes, acne,the crooked teeth (no veneers), coffee stains, pale flesh, etc. BUT I don't think the men are ignoring the Erykah Badu's, Alicia Keys, Halle Berry's, or Rudy's. We are usually what they get in real life. I think I could honestly snag a Reggie Bush/TO/J and I'm not rocking a weave, makeup or acrylics. All of the women I've mentioned in this article are gorgeous, but I refuse to compare myself to what the media shed's light on. I think we all need to stop comparing and feeling a need to compete with what we see on TV. Start loving ourselves for who we really are and stop craving the men whom are with women in the spot light. And I'm not just speaking to others, I'm talking to myself on this one as well. We all are unique, we all have attributes that are unique to us, we have to appreciate what we have and enhance our natural beauty. Some of the most beautiful people I see are rocking their natural hair, no relaxer, no make-up...just beautiful. There are times I wish my mother would've never relaxed my hair at age 5. We should compliment it and keep it movin. |
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On April 15, 2010, 9:46 am RickGeez says:
@MsBnMD
Define "natural" beauty please? |
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On April 15, 2010, 9:48 am MsValleyG says:
@Wo: I think a person's looks is more of a 'cover letter' than a 'resume' for looks are deceiving sometimes and looks alone can't tell you who a person really is on the inside. A person's resume is WHO they really are: character/personality/etc...
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On April 15, 2010, 9:51 am MsValleyG says:
@Rick: Natural beauty varies amongst races, ethnicities... etc... Is there even an accurate definition of 'natural' beauty or do you think it's more of an individual concept which develops overtime as one grows and learns their own likes/dislikes?
@MsB: I'm with Rick. Define "natural" beauty please? |
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On April 15, 2010, 9:52 am msbnmd says:
@WTBM: I agree that our appearance is our "dating resume" and that just like in business everyone isn't going to like your "credentials". But what if you hired a person who stated that they had a degree on their resume only for you to find out that they had never attended a day of college?! It's decitful and prevents the "real" candidates that would have better suited job to have lost an opportunity that someone else got under false pretenses....you feel my point?
@MsValley: I feel your point: @Msb: So what if women are getting attention based on false appearances... But consider this: I just figure that everyone should be given a fair chance: if your hair is nappy (a word I don't use) than you should wear it like that. According to others on this stream there is really someone for everyone and there would be a brother out there that would like that. That's my point: too many women are faking like they have it going on - and I'm sure they actually believe this - and in fact under all that "purchased" beauty is a different woman, with a different look. Have you ever seen Beyonce without the weave? She looks like a regular ole' country girl from Houston and THAT'S my point! Sure, she's an entertainer, but what is the deal wit the regular, average woman, presenting an image of an entertainer? What do you think? |
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On April 15, 2010, 9:57 am msbnmd says:
@Rick/MsValley: For me, Natural Beauty is what the woman looks like without dramatic enhancements. I qualify hair, nails, or body parts that what you were born with to be unatural. If you came in the world - hence the title of the blog - then I think it is natural.
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On April 15, 2010, 9:58 am RickGeez says:
@MsBnd
The question really to be askig is if Florida Evans would even want the same type of "play" that Beyonce receives? Would this discredit the time and effort that Beyonce puts into the gym to look toned and fit where as Florida is satisfied with her stature and was still able to finder her one man she deserved? Is this more about the attention women receive from brothers ( since you metioned the competition factor) or is it questioning the substance and character of sisters who prefer to add more to their personal look? |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:05 am msbnmd says:
@Perpetual: Gurrrrrrllll THANK YOU!!! You definitely understand where I am coming from. I love, love, love this:
"I feel like women are trying to become Kim Kardasian, Beyonce,Tara Banks, or Jessica White. These women are always made up, all wear hair weaves, and some have had some things slightly altered (noses). But if these women were not made up, you'd see the rings around their eyes, acne,the crooked teeth (no veneers), coffee stains, pale flesh, etc." This is precisely MY POINT!!! Sure, we could debate what beauty is...but I think every intelligent person knows what I am saying....Preference is one thing. But encouraging the social norm that we are all to look like the media's decisions on beauty is alienating to many black women. @All: For the record, I am not a jaded woman...I get mine. The challenge to the reader, hell, to this site is that we have to be more discerning about what we will do to attract the opposite sex! If we start fake, we have to remain that way...and who knows...one day, when it is all not worth doing any more, how would you know if your man wouldn't leave you or cheat for a woman who is still interested in "keeping appearances". I'm challenging the women here because if we don't make a change to this brothers will continue to do what some do: objectify the woman as a representation or extension of himself and his accomplishments and NOT as a person...I'm just sayin......... |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:07 am RickGeez says:
MsVG/MsbnMD
If we're defining the term natural by what we came into the world as and we should wear our hair nappy as grown am I wrong for taking time to trim and tone my figure up in the gym and keep a nice well groomed cut with a little Murrays hair grease to keep some shine to my look, does that mean I'm not into my original natural form? Should we also consider the type of clothing we wear that may add to the perception of what is considered "beautiful" or "attractive" to compliment our features? |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:12 am msbnmd says:
@Rick: The question really to be askig is if Florida Evans would even want the same type of "play" that Beyonce receives?
In my opinion, there is a difference between getting the attention and something becoming a standard. If it were today, I think that Florida would want to feel like there was a place for her in the dating world and that she didn't have to conform to the "Beyonce" look in order to be noticed. I would hope that the "type" of attention wouldn't be the way in which the conversation shifts but rather that the "standard" for beauty is challenged. In all fairness, yes, I mention competition and the general "pool" of daters. I want to simply draw attention to how narrow some can be in their view of what a "good catch" is. You feel what I'm sayin? Is this more about the attention women receive from brothers ( since you metioned the competition factor) or is it questioning the substance and character of sisters who prefer to add more to their personal look? To be honest, it is a bit of both. First, I think we should as a group of singles think about whether or not we have even created a community of dating where people don't feel the pressure of having to look a certain way in order to be deemed a "good" catch. Second, yes, I am challenging the character of the woman who is so invested in appearances that she is willing to spend money investing on promoting a lie! There. I. Said. It. LOL : 0 |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:17 am RickGeez says:
Msbmnd
So we're only considered intelligent if we get what you're saying sister? "Sure, we could debate what beauty is...but I think every intelligent person knows what I am saying" If that's the case, let's dumb down the conversation and talk about the 98% of the sisters who aren't in the media and don't go to the extreme as a Kardashian or a Beyonce but still prefer to add details to their looks. I don't think it's because of the encouragement or the norm of society but it's more about gaining the attention of men. We can't deny everytime we step out of the house we're trying to look good for the opposite gender. Our clothing, our stlye, our preferences. |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:27 am RickGeez says:
@MsbMnd
You don't think for a second that Flordia had those same challenges in the 70's? She had to compete with women like Pam Grier, Dianna Ross or even Wilona or Thelma for that matter. If that's the case then I would think society has deemed Idris, Shemar or Boris as the standard for good looks for men but 99% of the women would never get to those guys so I'm still good with my nappy beard and cargo pants. Do you know how diverse America is to be worrying about what you're not and what you will never look like? |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:57 am MsValleyG says:
@Msb: But why do you think they are promoting "a lie'... Perhaps that's their idea of beauty. Everyone has the right to display themselves as they wish... There's nothing wrong with these woman. They just like enhancing their beauty with the tools that are out there for anyone who chooses to partake.
I for one am pretty plain myself. I wear very little or no make up. I don't do weaves. I don't do acrylics. Last year, I started stretching my perms 3 mos but I still get it blown out by the dominicans... And I feel I get just as much attention as a woman all dalled up b/c men love my smile & my complexion. Doesn't make me better than anyone else... I'm just saying... I still get attention. |
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On April 15, 2010, 10:59 am MsValleyG says:
@Rick: I here you... I agree if 'natural' is to be defined based on how we came into the world... then no additives LOL! But if 'natural beauty' is being described on a more individual basis then it's whatever style that particular individual likes/dislikes.
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On April 15, 2010, 11:04 am MsValleyG says:
@Msb: All men aren't with women strictly based on appearances and all men don't stay with women they were intitially attracted to based on appearances. Yes physical attraction plays a major role in finding initial interest but it's not the end all be all. All men are NOT shallow... In most cases, people meet representative initially anyhow... As you get to know someone, then you meet the 'inside' person.
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On April 15, 2010, 3:09 pm wotubenmissn says:
Hmmm, MSV, I'll have to kick around the idea of it being a cover letter as opposed to resume'. I like resume' because that's the thing that decides whether a person will be brought in for the interview.
MSB You're skipping right past the interview stage. The resume' will grant a person the interview not the job itself. There are some thirsty companies that will hire on the basis of a resume' alone, but not most. If that person had fake info on their resume', it will usually get exposed in the interview process. If they were slick enough to get past the interview and get the job, AND was performing every bit as well as a "qualified" candidate, I'd have to make a decision. Do I let the deceit to get the job outweigh the performance? Maybe most people would fire them, but I'm sure there are folks that would keep their job. |
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On April 15, 2010, 3:23 pm MsValleyG says:
@Wo: But the 'cover letter' (what your EYE sees & what you HEAR on first contact) gives you a taste of what to look forward to on the actual resume (the true layout of the person)... Teeeheeee... But I like your perception too... And I agree: The resume' will grant a person the interview not the job itself. Well said!!!
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On April 15, 2010, 6:39 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ MsB
"But consider this: I just figure that everyone should be given a fair chance: if your hair is nappy (a word I don't use) than you should wear it like that. According to others on this stream there is really someone for everyone and there would be a brother out there that would like that." I was never the superficial type, and I love women that go the 'natural' route, as you described earlier in this blog. Weave, fake nails, fake eyebrows....all that crap is just covering up real beauty IMO. |
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On April 15, 2010, 8:51 pm sunnyislands says:
I so want to applaud you msbnmd! Fantastic blog.
I do believe that black women are expected to conform to the white woman's standard of beauty. You see that everywhere ( in movies, print ads, even in novels). I also believe that the dating pool is more limited when you choose to deviate from the "norm" particularly among those in their 20s and 30s. Older men seem to not be as hung up on the "norm". I prefer my natural look. I don't feel myself otherwise. I have to be happy in my skin. I am not a heavy makeup wearer only choosing to wear mascara and lip gloss usually. I will put on lipstick once in a very blue moon. I am currently transitioning from relaxed to natural hair and I can't wait until all of the perm is gone. Sisters are born with the most natural beauty there is. Our hair is versatile beyond any other race. Our skin colors come in all hues. Our figures are glorious. We are female in the purest form. I wish the world could see that. Still I won't knock the sisters that choose the weaves, etc. To each their own. Beauty comes in many forms and we all have our preferences. Beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. I just feel a woman's beauty needs to be appreciated individually and not be compared to some air brushed image. |
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On April 16, 2010, 12:20 am Dashon says:
@MsB: I understand what you're trying to say with this blog.
Our society does have a certain "brand of beauty" that the majority feel is THE standard; and women (and men) make modifications to themselves in an effort to fit into that lil box. Natural beauty as you've described it, is not always "rewarded" in our society. However, beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, and there are some men who not only appreciate but seek out "natural beauty." As a dark-skinned woman of medium build, I am very aware of THE standard, and the fact that I don't fit into it, however I can honestly say that when it stopped being an issue for me (early 30's -- yes, it took that long), it stopped being an issue for everyone else. Have I been out with one of my light-skinned friends with the long weave, fake-booty panties on, and hazel contact lenses and experienced that "Ghost Behind the Door" mentality [toward me] from guys? Sure, but I'm cool with that....because I'm cool with me. I love my chocolate skin, I love my full breasts, my beautiful smile and my warm personality....and please believe that the fellas like it too. (LOL) If I decide to rock a funky hairstyle complete with hair spiked with gel, put on some lipstick, & wear a sexy sundress to enhance my natural beauty...I think its okay, and it doesn't change who I am @ my core. If a dude doesn't like what he sees when the lipstick & dress comes off, and my hair is all over my head like a bird's nest....then it wasn't really about ME to begin with. Just my 2.5 |
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On April 16, 2010, 6:30 am JustAThought says:
@ MsB:
While I can see your larger point, I still have a problem with attacking women and saying they are the ones that primarily need to change, without assigning responsibility to ANYONE else. I rock a fro, and I believe that black women shouldn't feel as if they HAVE to use heat or chemicals to MAKE their hair beautiful. While I won't knock a sister who wears her hair a certain way because of personal/professional desires, I WILL debate her until I'm blue in the face to make sure her mindset is not one of only straight hair is beautiful/good/nice/etc. And frankly, even if we stripped all the nails, and hair extensions, and whatnot from everyone, there would still be people who naturally had something that we didn't. In the end, you still have to love who you are, and realize that not EVERYONE is going to love it. But I would much rather the superficial dudes pass right on by me than waste my time. Save me time, peace of mind, disappointment and drama. |
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On April 16, 2010, 8:00 am MassAppeal says:
@Just
As rare as I may say this I agree with your last comment. I also agree with Dashon by sayng it's wrong to call someone a lie just over a preference of wearing straight hair and nails. That's like saying someone that goes to church is more righetous than someone outside the church. Perhaps blacks could stop comparing and stop being so divisive. I always say classicism is just as counterproductive and by saying any black woman that wears her hair in a certain is any less than a woman who rocks a natural is just as superficial. |
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On April 16, 2010, 9:48 am MsValleyG says:
@Mass: Your last statement was very profound & lends to what I was expressing earlier under the comments section. **@Msb: But why do you think they are promoting "a lie'... Perhaps that's their idea of beauty. Everyone has the right to display themselves as they wish... There's nothing wrong with these woman. They just like enhancing their beauty with the tools that are out there for anyone who chooses to partake.**
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On April 16, 2010, 9:57 am msbnmd says:
@All: Great conversation! Clearly we are on many pages with this issue. I am not the authority on this topic, still not claiming to be. I do have an opinion, and for me, I do see the presentation of having certain attributes that are not natural to you, a farse. That's where I stand.
To me, the dating pool is competitive and that has nothing to do with self-love or personal acceptance, it has more to do with preferences and numbers. Having said that, I would much rather see the women who are authentic to their own presentation to be honored or sought after as much as the women who are not. Clearly, there are some that disagree and I am okay with that. There isn't much I think that can be challenged if we were all to agree. Yet, my point still remains the same: would the women who are attracting the attention of some men solely based on their false appearances really be considered dime pieces if it takes all that to make them cute? Or if those appearances were to not be available to them any longer? My thought is that the same "Beyonce" look alike would be considered just another average girl. In this way the standards of beauty would naturally change. Just some food for thought. |
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On April 16, 2010, 10:21 am MassAppeal says:
MsB
Clearly there are many opinion but there's also no reasoning to say that women who are authentic aren't being honored and/or considered. I've seen many women of all flavor get theirs so it's a matter of how you move the crowd, natural or permed. And as Dashon mentioned there isn't one definition that defines a dime and if you think it's all about the exterior and it takes all that to be cute, it may sound like some hating is going on..No matter how you size it up give me a broke Beyonce and a naturally cut up fake erykah Badu look a like and I'm still taking them all day and everyday. I even love me some Indie Arie look a likes for real.. |
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On April 16, 2010, 10:33 am odia10 says:
@all beauty is in the eye of the beholder...as for me the beauty inwards counts first b4 the outside..but am a strong believer that women shuld try as much as they can to look as natural as possible...
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Good blog..I see where you're coming from. Today I've been playing devils advocate so I'll do the same with. Not sure if you read my blog "How Can I Move the Crowd" but it would be nice to get some feedback from you but I addressed few of these issues from a male persepective. I really don't think men are as caught up with looks as you might think we are. There so many other factors that are involved because you can be a natural beauty and still come off socially ackward. Being pretty, natural or enhanced, won't automatically give you a free pass to a man. Might grab our attention initially but doesn't mean you can hold it if you come off as if you're superior.
I also think this relates more to how women view and compete with each other as well. I see too many women competing or trying to out do each other. Some women are too cute for their own good and it defeats their own purpose..whatever that might be. Plus I don't think real women even dare to compare themselves to others because if they're that secure in themselves why does it even matter or even look at it as a competition...to each is own.