July 29th 2010
If I were a Boy
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by loveless on March 13, 2010, 12:43 pm in Dating
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30 comments |
We all heard Beyonce's song If I were A boy. She said she would know what it would feel like to turn off the phone and ignore the woman. If I was a boy or man or however you want to define it, I would treat women with the utmost respect. When I join church I would join a organization that help women. If I went to a club I would personally greet and smile at every woman. I would ask lots of women to dance with me, not just the one I have my eye on. This will get ppl to notice, especially the one thats not getting any attention. I would buy random women drinks although I dont drink myself. I would ask random women to shoot pool with me and show them better techniques to get the balls in the hole. Instead of playing mind games I would teach a woman more skillful games such as chess and poker. I would use this opportunity to discuss life skills and how to beat your opponents and stay ahead of the game. I would never invite a woman over to my house until we have dated more than three or four times. I would get to know her by taking her on long walks. I would go to the park where children play and observe her. I would take this opportunity to see how uptight she is or can she get in touch with her inner child. On the holidays or during that time I would sign us up to work at a local shelter serving food to the homeless. If she decline or make excuses I know Im with a selfish woman. I would take my nieces or nephews to the zoo and have her to accompany us to see how she interact with children. After several dates I would allow her to meet several of my friends and bring a girl placebo along to see how she respond to my friends. I would never ask a woman to do anything with me. It would be her call. I would want her to be so into me that she is asking why havent we made love yet. I want her to be a spokesperson and a living testimony as to how good men are to women. I would let her know that my options are open for marriage and that she is in the running. I would be upfront about how many women I am seeing and why she cant be the only one. I would let her pick anyday of the week and that will be our special day. She would not have to worry about the others because they will have their day as well.
If you were a boy or a girl how would your scenerio play out.
If you were a boy or a girl how would your scenerio play out.
Join the conversation, add your comment30 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On March 13, 2010, 3:16 pm MassAppeal says:
Interesting list loveless.
If I was a girl: *I would go dutch until I decide to be that person *I would date one dude at a time *I would't string any man along *I would only go out on a date with a man only if the interest is at a certain level and not just for a free meal. *I would appreciate the race of black man rather than allowing a few bad apples distort my view * I would never cross over and date someone from another race out of anger because a few black men caused me to become bitter. I can go on but that's good enough |
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On March 13, 2010, 3:52 pm loveless says:
@Wood Im talking about how I would run my program. Im pretty sure you would do things differently but hey thats why women pick and choose whom they date. I would be honest and straight up with the fact my girl is not the only one. I would let them know if they are in the running for wifey and its up to them to keep doing what they are doing to get to that #1 spot. But I am not going to lie about seeing other women. That is if I were a boy.
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On March 13, 2010, 4:03 pm loveless says:
@Mass good answers. See its no right or wrong answer. We know in reality we cant change, Some try to but you know what I mean. It would be cool though if we could swap for the day.
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On March 13, 2010, 8:12 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ loveless
I was just about to say.....I'm already a man and I do most of those things for women and don't get shit for it. Long walks...Getting to know a woman....COURTSHIP? *amazed* Wow! Where are the women that enjoy those simple things in life? Or as the young kids say...."Where they do that at?" Nice blog, though. At least in doing some of the things you described, you'd get a taste of what it's like to be invisible to women. |
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On March 14, 2010, 10:42 am loveless says:
@Intro seeing that women give you a hard time or whatever the problem seem to be, What would you do if you were a girl. How would your approach be different? Would you date just one guy or a date a slew of them? How would you counteract with the opposite sex if you were a girl? You know what you want, you expressed your frustrations so if you were a woman how would you like for the man to respond to you?
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On March 14, 2010, 12:02 pm Wood says:
@Wood Im talking about how I would run my program. I know what you are talking about. Im pretty sure you would do things differently but hey thats why women pick and choose whom they date. I would let them know if they are in the running for wifey and its up to them to keep doing what they are doing to get to that #1 spot. I heard you, and that is why I responded the way I did. No "sista" will let a brotha get off without a good cussing out if they were in such a serious relationship to be at a point of her being "in the running" to even comptemplate marriage with the fact there are are other women. Maybe the "Beckys" of the world, but not your typical "Regina Lanea Brown"...lol. But I am not going to lie about seeing other women. Brothas don't date like that, with several sistas on the "keeper" level and him "finalizing" his decision of which one is going to get a ring. You may have keeper and non keepers with non keepers being his side "freak", ie, FB on the side, but rarily several "keepers" at the same time.
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On March 14, 2010, 12:59 pm loveless says:
@Wood all I can say is everyone doesnt fit into the neat little category you speak of. See When I met my man I knew he was seeing someone else. When I date im upfront about seeing other people. If we havent DEFINED where we are and not exclusive im damn sure not going to be with just one person hoping he is the one. I run my program like this if we are not sexing I can see you on mon or tues. If I feel you have potential you may get a fri or sat. I never give up my Sundays but if I do he is a SURE thing. Maybe I was meant to be a guy but either way im going to run the same program, I date a lot. Dont sex alot. Havent met anyone I wanted to be with sexually in like 2 years but I date damn near 3 times a week.
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On March 14, 2010, 2:22 pm Wood says:
I hear you Loveless, and I do understand you... believe me I do. The thing with my little "categories" is that their are quite a few and I respond to each one in a different manner. I run my program like this if we are not sexing I can see you on mon or tues. If I feel you have potential you may get a fri or sat. I feel you. The flip side of that is, I run my program like this. I will give you maybe three to four weeks before I casually ask you whether or not you want to date exclusively... you might say "no, I need to get to know you better". As we contine to date and we really you start to really feel me and I really starting to like you alot in what is now a very easy and smooth GF/BF relationship. Two- three years later of smooth sailing, like many sistas, you might starting having "thoughts" of "us", and we, and where is "this" heading. As long as things stay right where it is... BF/GF, we are cool, but the moment you start putting pressure of moving past that point, I'm moving on...
that is how I run mines. Its a small one-way window for love. You get one shot for a very brief moment to go down that path, and there are no "re-takes". I have determined over the years that in order to keep from getting play, to stay ahead and on top of the "game", you have to run it that tight. |
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On March 14, 2010, 2:23 pm Wood says:
damn, all those typos... I didn't do it...lol.
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On March 14, 2010, 6:46 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ loveless
It's kind of hard to exactly say how I'd do things if I were a woman.....Most of what I'm going to say is more how I think women SHOULD do things, but what do I know? It's not like my opinion matters to most Black women. I'd pretty much carry myself the same way as I do now.....I only deal with one woman at a time. We're in a recession....trying to date multiple women is not only cost-ineffective, but it takes away from my deisre and my ability to give 100 percent toward ONE woman if I'm spreading myself thin over 5 or 6 women at one time. I wouldn't lead people on....I noticed women have this nasty habit of not being up front with their intentions. Instead of telling a less-than-desirable man "No, I'm not interested" and cutting it off from there, women will continue to entertain that guy for weeks, months, YEARS on end....and then women have an excellent way of pushing good men aside in favor of the aforementioned jerks. And we wonder why good men like myself are so bitter and angry most of the time. |
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On March 14, 2010, 7:55 pm loveless says:
@Intro first of all dont let anyone steal your joy or happiness. Both men and women have hidden agendas and if one is not careful they can become the key character to a nasty plot. Im speaking from experience here. Secondly the key to any relationship is to find someone who wants what you want. If you are into a certain thing like bowling, find a bowling partner. Loneliness doesnt last always.
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On March 14, 2010, 9:00 pm JustAThought says:
@ mass:
Don't believe the hype, with the few articles and books that have been publicized lately. Black women are a third as likely as black men to date outside their race. And every bitter black woman you meet is using that vitriol to hide that fact that she desperately, desperately wants some chocolate prince charming to come, sweep her off her feet, and prove all her perceptions wrong.@ introspectiv:You need a hug! I hope you find some better companions so you don't get discouraged permanently. But really, maybe you should just chill about actually wanting a relationship, and play it cool for a bit. Just my two cents.@ wood:so a woman only gets the first three weeks to qualify for potential wifey status? sheesh! |
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On March 14, 2010, 10:49 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ loveless
I just came off ALMOST being involved in a nasty plot....and yes, it seems like women are just built to find new and creative ways to take good men to the cleaners, whether it be mentally, financially, or otherwise. The trouble I have with women isn't finding one with whom I have something in common....nowadays the problem could range anywhere between running into nothing but lesbians (thanks to me being in the Army) to the bitter, I-fucked-up-and-chose-the-wrong-man-and-now-I'll-never-trust-men-again types to the stupid, can't appreciate a good man when he comes along types. And of course, here in the military, some women are combinations of those things, whcih makes it even worse. I don't know how women do it....If I were a woman, ain't no way ONE knucklehead negro gonna change my WHOLE SEXUALITY to the point where I go the lesbian route. @ JAT Yes, it's BAD out here for guys like me. I need something to keep my spirits up. Don't know what it is yet, though. I'm not even necessarily looking for a woman to marry at this time....I mean, hell.....Can I find a woman I could ask on a date? A woman that, if approached, isn't holding me to some standard that NO man can reach because her last boyfriend failed her so badly? A woman that isn't materialistic? A woman that actually...........likes men? Am I asking for too much here? Sometimes I wonder if being a decent man will never be good enough for Black women. Especially with the way y'all have treated me for the first 25 and a half years of my life. |
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On March 15, 2010, 8:18 am loveless says:
@Intro I know you are angry and upset but dont throw all black women in the same category. There are some good black women still out there waiting on you. I know it dont feel like it but its the truth. Women put up with bull all the time but they just take it as a loss and charge it to the game. I will never give up on my black brothers. I dont care how many try to play me, I just learned to stay ahead of the game. See im a mother with sons. If I start dogging the black man and saying aint none of them sh** im disgracing my children. When you generalize black women, think about your mother and the sacrifices she made for you. If she wasnt a good role model think of our ancestors and the struggles they went through so you could have a better life. I dont date outside my race and it just a preference but if you harbor all these negative feelings for a sister, try something new. Date outside your race. Im just saying,
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On March 15, 2010, 8:28 am IntroSpectiv says:
@ loveless
I know I have a lot of anger toward the things that have happened to me in the past, but it's never gotten to the point where I felt compelled to date anyone else but Black women. Y'all have been and still are my preference, even though I swear y'all think and treat me like I'm not shit most of the time. And yes, my mother was a good role model, but she didn't and still cannot help me in my current situation....I really learned nothing from either of my parents regarding women and relationships even though my mother's been married to my stepfather for 17 years now. |
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On March 15, 2010, 2:06 pm Wood says:
Sometimes I wonder if being a decent man will never be good enough for Black women. Especially with the way y'all have treated me for the first 25 and a half years of my life.
LOL, man, you are having it rough over there. You might have to do some brainstorming and come up with fix to your problem... your package have to be appealing and attractive to the sistas, or white woman...lol. |
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On March 15, 2010, 2:18 pm loveless says:
@Wood give him some of your pointers that have worked so well for you. you always making references to your program. Well help a brotha out will you. I can give him all my techniques but it would be from a woman's perspective.
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On March 15, 2010, 2:39 pm Wood says:
LOL, some brothas will have to ride the tides of a shallow romantic wave until sistas reaches a point of dropping all those particulars and requirements that most end up dropping or lowering anyway after more than a few heartache and pain...
his time will come. Personally, I think his biggest issue he potentially has, is one he may be walking blindly into. He may try to "keep" around the first fairly attractive sista who give him some steady ass, talking and coming across with some good sounding BS. He seems ripe for some easy picking from some Busy Body looking for a secured "headquarters". |
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On March 15, 2010, 4:10 pm Dashon says:
@Loveless: Creative Blog...nice piece!
"I don't know how women do it....If I were a woman, ain't no way ONE knucklehead negro gonna change my WHOLE SEXUALITY to the point where I go the lesbian route." @Intro: Please be clear that sexuality is an orientation...nobody can MAKE another person change their POV on who they get it in with. Just my 2.5 @Mass: Nice list...sounds a lil like how U would want your potential girl to conduct her dating life...true? "And every bitter black woman you meet is using that vitriol to hide that fact that she desperately, desperately wants some chocolate prince charming to come, sweep her off her feet, and prove all her perceptions wrong" @JAT: Maybe not Every...but most definitely some. Given the choice, most sistas (if honest) will say there is nothing more intoxicating to their soul & heart than the love of a Black man. Time goes on & it doesn't manifest; those of us who don't want to limit our options for love will open that door and take in the view outside of our community. But you're right...its rarely our FIRST choice. @Wood: One thing I can say about you...you are consistent. LOL! |
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On March 15, 2010, 4:33 pm Dashon says:
If I were a boy....
I'd respect my pipe...which means not laying it to every Betty, Sue & Jean just because I could. I would take the time to assess a woman's maturity level -- paying close attention to how she handles conflict, before I open Pandora's box. I'd settle my azz down before I got too old...too stuck in my ways, and less open to compromise. I would respect the power of my words and tell my truth...good, bad or indifferent. I would take accountability for my shyt and the shyt it gets me into. Failure to do so is a form of bytchassness...and a bytch I would never be. If a women brought drama to my door... I would ask her to leave. (figuratively & literarily). I wouldn't be with a woman that I have to argue with, or one has the ability to push my buttons to a boiling point. I would respect ALL women...not just my mama and my own. The only condition of bestowing that respect...is that she respect herself. I would bring it each and every time I took a woman to bed. I wouldn't be selfish, lazy or indifferrent. If I thought enough of her to share my precious jewels...then the least I can do it make it worthwhile. If I were a boy that is.... |
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On March 15, 2010, 5:39 pm Blaze says:
@Dashon
Nice list especially learning how one deals with conflict because everyone deals with problems differently. That's one of the first few question I like to ask once a meet someone with potential. |
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On March 15, 2010, 5:39 pm loveless says:
@Dashon great comments.
@JustAthought You came on my blog and commented on everyone elses comments except my blog. To me thats like coming into someone house and speaking to everyone except the homeowner. I respect your blogs and I read them and most of the time I dont respond because they are so deep. I find you to be a very beautiful intelligent person but somehow reluctant to show affection to some of the bloggers. I mean I dont know you and all but from what I have read you have a Gift from God. If I had your writing abilities I would share them with everyone and not be so critical, I mean im intelligent too but I misspell words and dont come across as a really confident person. I look at you and read your blogs and see all the confidence in the world. Thats a true gift. Sometimes you are so deep that I actually go and read where you made a reference at. I know you will probaly never write on my blog after this but just know I respect your opinion. You dare to be different and thats rare. Im so uncomfortable in my own skin I dont open myself up to love, I want wear my own hair or natural hair color. I go with the flow, you stay true to yourself and like I said thats a rare quality. Well I just wanted to say something. I hope this doesnt offend you in anyway because thats not what it was intended to do. I just want to learn from such a beautiful black intelligent woman. You can share with me, Thanks. |
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On March 15, 2010, 6:48 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ loveless and Wood
I don't know what the solution is. Been trying to play it cool and relax over here, but that's still not getting me anywhere I want to be. I feel like while I'm getting older and more mature, my situation is getting worse....At first I was having a hard time finding women that could appreciate a man the way he is....Now I'm having a hard time finding women that even like men at all....I feel like I'm going from Blu-Ray to DVD to VHS......and I'm slipping back toward 8-tracks, now. @ Dashon Not the way some of these Sisters are explaining it. Some of them might have been leaning toward lesbianism, but their poor choices in men (or in a few cases, perhaps a bad event from their childhood) probably pushed her over the line. In any case, the amount of positive attention I get from Black women these days is frighteningly scarce.....and I am very fed up with it. |
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On March 15, 2010, 7:59 pm Wood says:
At first I was having a hard time finding women that could appreciate a man the way he is....Now I'm having a hard time finding women that even like men at all....I feel like I'm going from Blu-Ray to DVD to VHS......and I'm slipping back toward 8-tracks, now.
Man, I'm fallling out on the floor on that one... Hey, are you goofy or something Intro?... I mean, damn, is it that bad...lol. |
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On March 15, 2010, 8:11 pm loveless says:
@Wood leave him alone. I hear this complaint all the time. women are out ther getting with other women by the truck loads. With him being in the military its probaly even more so. I can understand his dilemma. Where I live there is a shortage of men. Not because there isnt any but they are either married, gay, or too old.
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On March 15, 2010, 9:30 pm JustAThought says:
@ loveless:
No offense. And girl, I went natural because I chopped my hair off in defiance after a bad breakup and just happened to like it. Honestly, I didn't grow up with a perm, so it was not my habit to go back to the creamy crack. Going natural is a personal decision - while it is one that I recommend, it is one that should be serious considered. Confidence is not performance, so you don't need to convince anyone but yourself. Half the time people come up to you with accolades and whatnot, they are not coming from a place of sincerity or pure motives. Do you, however it is done. As for commenting on the blog, my first reaction was to type something totally and utterly misanthropic (ie "if I were a boy I'd be a heartless f@cker and only look to gratify my selfish needs"). BUT... I didn't want to go that route. So I pretty much didn't say anything because I'm personally trying not to believe the negative evidence that men have presented thus far. |
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On March 15, 2010, 10:37 pm IntroSpectiv says:
@ Wood
Yes, it is that bad. I haven't met a quality woman (one that was at least straight and single) in well over two and a half years. No, I'm not goofy. I'm pretty much a straightforward tell-it-like-it-is guy. Some people say I'm a bit on the serious side. (Which I am.) |
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On March 15, 2010, 11:58 pm loveless says:
@JustAthought thanks for responding.
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On April 15, 2010, 2:24 pm Optimistic says:
@Loveless... very interesting blog. This is my first time on the board so I'm looking forward to learning and reading more.
@IntroSpectiv ... You sound like you're going through so much of what I went through in my 20's. Sounds like you're doing everything you "think" or have been "led to believe" that women seek in a man. However, you're missing one crucial element. The key to the puzzle that puts it all together. Trust me, don't give up and don't give in. It's not as hard as it seems. There are plenty of good women looking for good men. |
I would let her know that my options are open for marriage and that she is in the running. LOL, Loveless, you ain't even sounding like a sista with that comment. Hell, you would be cussing your own male self out if your "male" side were to say that to you. I can hear you now... in the running, nugga, what the hell does that mean, in the running!!!! Is there another bitch who isn't!!!!...lol.