July 29th 2010
OMG....Am I a Prospective Angry Black Woman?
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by SingleDame on October 12, 2009, 1:50 am in Broken Hearts
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8 comments |
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (defined by The Single Dame): "An
African American woman who is at least 25 years of age who has become
emotionally consumed with pure Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, &
Disappointment that has derived from a life filled with compounding heartache,
let downs, struggle, pain, burdens, lies, and/or fear. So much so that, such a
woman has lost (or never found) her natural ability to successfully address and
remedy such ills; and/or she has lost her ability or desire to go on hiding the
pain beneath her beautiful brown skin.
Hence her new found ability to project these negative emotions in the form of an overbearing attitude (often subconsciously disguised as simply being an Independent woman) that results in the pushing away of people in her life (especially men), preventing her the ability to receive the Love and Enjoyment life truly has to offer her--all of which she honestly deserves". --The Single Dame
OKAY, after I just created this definition, my fear of becoming an Angry Black Woman (ABW), has increased! I FEAR undergoing the transformation of becoming an ABW, yet I must admit, if I don't change things about me and the life I live, my actions will most definitely cause for me to join the Angry Black Woman Sorority, Inc. (ABW) and that's a membership I care NOT to have.
When I sat down and attempted to analyze myself and my life, I realized a lot of shit and the list below is just SOME of the the things I realized. I 'm sharing this because perhaps some of you out there may be able to relate to some it and REALIZE that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. That's a funny thing about women, or rather about humans in general, we have this funny thing where we ACTUALLY BELIEVE WE ARE ALONE IN THE MANY ORDEALS WE GO THROUGH, when the truth of the matter is, we are probably more alike than different.
The day you begin to identify the similarities you share with your peers more so than focus on how much better and/or different you are, that's the day your life will begin to change a little bit and from there you will continue to grow....or at least that's how I, The Single Dame, feels about the situation.
ANYWHO, here's my list of things I realized/reflected upon today:
1. FIRST AND FOREMOST I realize, a sista could sure use a couple therapy sessions to get some shit up off my chest. The myth is black folks don't need therapy and if we do get some we are looked down upon! THAT IS SOME OF THE MOST STUPID SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD.
2. I need to do some more forgiving. As much as I try to tell myself I forgive all the people who have caused me pain (family, men, ect...) I know that deep deep deep down inside I am still holding on to some shit I need to let go. I'm only hurting myself if I hold on to all these negative feelings about those who've hurt me. They can't feel what I feel, so what's the point? There's isn't one.
3. I need to further my education. School's not for everyone, hell I find school to be very boring at times, but I know the many positive benefits I can gain from just a couple more years of schoolin'. I'm simply being a bit lazy about the situation to be honest. If things don't go the way I plan for 2009, FOR SURE 2010 is the year I plan to enter Graduate School.
4. I need to add some new people to my social circle and maybe even join a few new social groups. I find that when I meet new people I ALWAYS learn something new about life. I like that.
5. I need to sit down and write out a 5 Year plan of my life. This plan will include all my GOALS! Professional goals, Financial goals, relationship goals, and.........
6. RELOCATION GOALS! I love my city. I REALLY REALLY DO, but I'm not sure if I want to settle down in Chicago and have babies here. I have a few places in mind. Only time will tell.
7. I need to learn how to love myself more. I love myself, but not as much as I could and I know this for a fact. I hold a very high bar for myself, which is fine, but sometimes I can be over critical. I've been told that I'm a pretty woman and I make sure I stay in shape, but even with all the hard work I put into my exterior & interior, I can still be CRITICAL! I HAVE TO STOP THIS SH IT!
8. I have to read more books! I be on the damn internet WAY TO MUCH!
9. I have to learn more about my HISTORY. Believe it or not, there's more to Black History than slavery and the civil rights movement. There are a lof of other significant people in our history who deserved to be recognized alongside the names of Dr. King, Rosa Parks, and Carter G Woodson.
10. I have to realize that It's okay if I don't achieve all of my goals. You see, I tend to get very pissed off if I don't follow through on a goal. Negative thoughts begin to enter my mind and I neglect the fact that I put forth so much effort that is in need of being congratulated. I RARELY GIVE MYSELF CONGRATULATIONS! I DESERVE A MUTHA FUCKIN' ROUND OF APPLAUSE! I WORK MY ASS OFF, and if sometimes things don't turn out like I wanted them to, OH WELL, and I'll brush myself and TRY TRY AGAIN! Or I'll accept the fact that I should perhaps pursue something different.
11. This list is getting too damn long! LOL! And I've written down MUCH MUCH MORE, I need a lot of HELP! And I'm determined to obtain it, but I dont' need to share it all! lol.
I WILL RECEIVE ALL OF THE GIFTS THAT I AM DESERVING OF IN THIS LIFETIME! I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT.....NOT EVEN ME!
I am denying my membership into Angry Black Woman Sorority, Inc. Yet, I hear them knocking on my door and I think I just saw a letter slipped beneath the threshold. I know I will make a wonderful member as long as I hold onto all of my baggage, BUT I'M BURNING THESE BAGS and DROPPING THE ASHES OFF INTO THE OCEAN....to dissolve and never to be seen again.
Forever Fabulous,
The Single Dame
Hence her new found ability to project these negative emotions in the form of an overbearing attitude (often subconsciously disguised as simply being an Independent woman) that results in the pushing away of people in her life (especially men), preventing her the ability to receive the Love and Enjoyment life truly has to offer her--all of which she honestly deserves". --The Single Dame
OKAY, after I just created this definition, my fear of becoming an Angry Black Woman (ABW), has increased! I FEAR undergoing the transformation of becoming an ABW, yet I must admit, if I don't change things about me and the life I live, my actions will most definitely cause for me to join the Angry Black Woman Sorority, Inc. (ABW) and that's a membership I care NOT to have.
When I sat down and attempted to analyze myself and my life, I realized a lot of shit and the list below is just SOME of the the things I realized. I 'm sharing this because perhaps some of you out there may be able to relate to some it and REALIZE that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. That's a funny thing about women, or rather about humans in general, we have this funny thing where we ACTUALLY BELIEVE WE ARE ALONE IN THE MANY ORDEALS WE GO THROUGH, when the truth of the matter is, we are probably more alike than different.
The day you begin to identify the similarities you share with your peers more so than focus on how much better and/or different you are, that's the day your life will begin to change a little bit and from there you will continue to grow....or at least that's how I, The Single Dame, feels about the situation.
ANYWHO, here's my list of things I realized/reflected upon today:
1. FIRST AND FOREMOST I realize, a sista could sure use a couple therapy sessions to get some shit up off my chest. The myth is black folks don't need therapy and if we do get some we are looked down upon! THAT IS SOME OF THE MOST STUPID SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD.
2. I need to do some more forgiving. As much as I try to tell myself I forgive all the people who have caused me pain (family, men, ect...) I know that deep deep deep down inside I am still holding on to some shit I need to let go. I'm only hurting myself if I hold on to all these negative feelings about those who've hurt me. They can't feel what I feel, so what's the point? There's isn't one.
3. I need to further my education. School's not for everyone, hell I find school to be very boring at times, but I know the many positive benefits I can gain from just a couple more years of schoolin'. I'm simply being a bit lazy about the situation to be honest. If things don't go the way I plan for 2009, FOR SURE 2010 is the year I plan to enter Graduate School.
4. I need to add some new people to my social circle and maybe even join a few new social groups. I find that when I meet new people I ALWAYS learn something new about life. I like that.
5. I need to sit down and write out a 5 Year plan of my life. This plan will include all my GOALS! Professional goals, Financial goals, relationship goals, and.........
6. RELOCATION GOALS! I love my city. I REALLY REALLY DO, but I'm not sure if I want to settle down in Chicago and have babies here. I have a few places in mind. Only time will tell.
7. I need to learn how to love myself more. I love myself, but not as much as I could and I know this for a fact. I hold a very high bar for myself, which is fine, but sometimes I can be over critical. I've been told that I'm a pretty woman and I make sure I stay in shape, but even with all the hard work I put into my exterior & interior, I can still be CRITICAL! I HAVE TO STOP THIS SH IT!
8. I have to read more books! I be on the damn internet WAY TO MUCH!
9. I have to learn more about my HISTORY. Believe it or not, there's more to Black History than slavery and the civil rights movement. There are a lof of other significant people in our history who deserved to be recognized alongside the names of Dr. King, Rosa Parks, and Carter G Woodson.
10. I have to realize that It's okay if I don't achieve all of my goals. You see, I tend to get very pissed off if I don't follow through on a goal. Negative thoughts begin to enter my mind and I neglect the fact that I put forth so much effort that is in need of being congratulated. I RARELY GIVE MYSELF CONGRATULATIONS! I DESERVE A MUTHA FUCKIN' ROUND OF APPLAUSE! I WORK MY ASS OFF, and if sometimes things don't turn out like I wanted them to, OH WELL, and I'll brush myself and TRY TRY AGAIN! Or I'll accept the fact that I should perhaps pursue something different.
11. This list is getting too damn long! LOL! And I've written down MUCH MUCH MORE, I need a lot of HELP! And I'm determined to obtain it, but I dont' need to share it all! lol.
I WILL RECEIVE ALL OF THE GIFTS THAT I AM DESERVING OF IN THIS LIFETIME! I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT.....NOT EVEN ME!
I am denying my membership into Angry Black Woman Sorority, Inc. Yet, I hear them knocking on my door and I think I just saw a letter slipped beneath the threshold. I know I will make a wonderful member as long as I hold onto all of my baggage, BUT I'M BURNING THESE BAGS and DROPPING THE ASHES OFF INTO THE OCEAN....to dissolve and never to be seen again.
Forever Fabulous,
The Single Dame
Join the conversation, add your comment8 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On October 12, 2009, 9:54 am Dashon says:
Single Dame: You go girl! Rebuke the forces that are trying to lure you into membership of a club in which we have way to many participants. I wish you the best on your journey. BTW, welcome to the Hill!
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On October 12, 2009, 10:43 am primarythoughts.net says:
Hey girl! - Glad to see you made it to the Hill. Welcome.
While I deal with women of the ABW all the time, some of my closest friends :-) , I think I fall on the other end of the spectrum. They're always telling me, I'm toooooo forgiving at times, toooo shoe on the other foot, toooo oh, they're just having a moment, let's see what happens next time... I think they are right in some regard. But other than that, the rest of the list is right on point. #8, #8, #8.... |
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On October 12, 2009, 2:06 pm SoulonArt says:
This is great news to hear. As much as men are responsible for creating the monster, it's refreshing to hear someone take responsibilty of not falling into the trap. You cannot always control the actions of others, but you can control how you respond to them.
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On October 12, 2009, 3:14 pm RickGeez says:
Very refreshing blog sister. Love the honesty, goals and the self reflection versus constanty hearing people (Brother and sisters) playing the victim role and how you maintain your own persnal accountability.
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On October 12, 2009, 6:22 pm travilly says:
love it! self-introspection is awesome and much needed. you're on the right path! good luck sister!
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On October 14, 2009, 11:54 pm TMurray says:
TheSingleDame and I go waaaaay back...to Twitta! LOL Welcome my friend. You know alot of this resonates with me. #4, #5 #7 #9 and #10 hit me the hardest.
LOL You are so right when you say "The myth is black folks don't need therapy and if we do get some we are looked down upon!" We need to get a grip. One of my sorority sisters say that many black folk are "mental health cases" LOL We could all chill on a couch somewhere and it would do us some good. |
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On October 15, 2009, 12:47 am SingleDame says:
Thanks for all of your comments!
@TMurray thank you Ma ever so sincerely for letting me know about this online family of writers and readers! I LOVE IT! LOVE IT LOVE IT! I hope to be able to spend more time on The Hill with my busy schedule. I'm determined to MAKE time. Forever Fabulous, The Single Dame www.TheSingleDame.blogspot.com |
I almost choked when I read it... you got it going on.