July 29th 2010
When it Mattered
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by RickGeez on November 23, 2009, 1:59 pm in Dating
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10 comments |
For a second I would like for us to step away from our gender differences for the time being to reflect and think back to that one. Think back to that one special person from the past. The one that was a former boyfriend/girlfriend, a childhood swettheart or even an ex husband or ex wife because things do fall a part. The one that changed your life in that instant moment. The one that came along at a time when you thought it was "me against the world". The one you never saw coming.The one you were instantly attracted to. The one you saw a future with. The one you formed a team with. The one you had quirky habits with. The one who you made it through the stormy weather with. The one you saw yourself with for a lifetime. The one you made it with through these crazy dynamics of this dating "game" . The one that said "yes", when you asked "Can you stand the rain?".
The one who you thought you waited your entire lifetime to meet. The one who made it through and captured your heart. The one who couldn't compare. The one you claimed so long that got away. The one you trusted. The one you ashamedly wanted back. The one you still disired for even after a bad and hurtful breakup. The one that eventually failed you. The one that gave you that unavoidable, unexpected and unfortunate heartbreak, The one that took years for you to get over. The one that caused you the most pain. The one that consumed you emotionally. The one that carried a large piece of your heart. The one to blame for your personal "baggage". The one that seemed to walk away too easily. The one you thought loved you forever and always. The one you believed. The one you thought was meant to be. The one that took years to get over.
The one who you thought you waited your entire lifetime to meet. The one who made it through and captured your heart. The one who couldn't compare. The one you claimed so long that got away. The one you trusted. The one you ashamedly wanted back. The one you still disired for even after a bad and hurtful breakup. The one that eventually failed you. The one that gave you that unavoidable, unexpected and unfortunate heartbreak, The one that took years for you to get over. The one that caused you the most pain. The one that consumed you emotionally. The one that carried a large piece of your heart. The one to blame for your personal "baggage". The one that seemed to walk away too easily. The one you thought loved you forever and always. The one you believed. The one you thought was meant to be. The one that took years to get over.
The one that you no longer compare anyone new with. The one you finally moved on from. The one who no longers have you emotionally. . The one that you can finally look directly their eyes, without any hurt. The one you finally moved on from. The one that could've had your entire world. The one who finally wanted to confess. The one who wanted you back emotionally. The one who knew they made the wrong decision. The one who thought could come back after so many years. The one that left you alone in this world so cold.
The one you waited to come back into your life for years when it mattered. The one that never came back when it mattered. The one who never took responsbility for any of the hurt they caused you when it mattered. The one that never took the time to reflect what you two had when it mattered. The one that never took a risk when it mattered. The one you finally chalked it up as their lost when it mattered. The one that never wanted to be accountable when it mattered. The one who was unwilling to work it out when it mattered. The one who said they will always be there for you but not when it mattered. The one who now claims they will love you always and forever but not when it mattered.
FH: How did you handle a person who came back into your life..a little too late and said the things you wanted to hear but not when it mattered?
Join the conversation, add your comment10 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On November 24, 2009, 9:37 am Visionary says:
How did you handle a person who came back into your life..a little too late and said the things you wanted to hear but not when it mattered?
WOW! Never thought I'd reflect back to this one.... I laughed honestly when my ex came back to me after all these years and talked about how he wanted things to work out and he should have never ended it. This relationship was crazy because I remember how I met him. LOL! Every little detail of our relationship which is crazy. We grew together which I guess is still why we are friends. OMG---there was so much hurt and craziness involved in that relationship as time went on but I was sooooo in love with him. Still have love FOR him but not in love with him anymore. People change over time and I felt like he changed for the worse. He wasn't someone I saw myself with now verses how I saw us together back in college. Of course there were many years we went back and forth after after college til it was draining. I think there were just parts of us that wanted to hold on to the good of the relationship when it was really over. You ever loved someone so much you can't stand them? LOL! That's him...that's my ex. He knows it, we're cordial if we meet on the train or in the area and we'll chat about life and what's going on with us but that's about it. I think the chapter of "US" is closed never to be relived again. It was fun when we were younger and a life lesson as well. |
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On November 24, 2009, 11:18 am catch22 says:
FH: How did you handle a person who came back into your life..a little too late and said the things you wanted to hear but not when it mattered?
People are exes for a reason...when my last relationship ended I was hurt and very confused and it took a while to get over that. By the time he came back with a change of heart...I had already healed my heart and was ready to move forward not backwards. But we were able to remain friends because by that time...I wasn't bitter anymore. He's married now but always tells me that my relationship with him taught him never to let a good thing go....you live and learn I guess. |
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On November 24, 2009, 11:26 am RickGeez says:
Thank you sisters for your reflective comments.
Question: What is the one regret you still have from from dealing what that one and what is the the one thing you would've done differently? |
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On November 24, 2009, 11:37 am LovelyMe says:
What is the one regret you still have from from dealing what that one and what is the the one thing you would've done differently?
Regret = wisdom/knowledge/experience He didn't do it to me I did it to myself is what I think when I look back. Everything I endured from being beaten to abortions to it all - he was wrong but what was I dumb/dead...no I could have walked away many a times and never looked back...I could have enjoyed my teenage years rather than spending my life inside because he scared me to the point I didn't want anyone else to see me and tell him....I could have had his ass toe-tagged...I could have been strong-minded rather than strong willed to love this boy/man who I have shared my heart with for several years...I could, should......would..... But I did none of that I spent several years with all of this and lied to my family and his family who worried...I protected him....I LEARNED that the feeling of love is powerful and you can be so in love that you loose yourself by its beauty but the feeling of wholeness feels so much better :) |
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On November 24, 2009, 12:31 pm Visionary says:
Question: What is the one regret you still have from from dealing what that one and what is the the one thing you would've done differently?
What I regret? I can't say I regretted anything in our relationship. We had our ups and downs like any other relationship. So...no regrets. The thing I would have done differently would have been that I wouldn't have lived with him. We lived together for a period of time in college and that's when our arguments began. Things probably would have worked out a little better if we would have maintained our personal time. Felt like we were in an "adult" relationship but we were clearly just kids in college. Our relationship was more serious than what it needed to be at the time. |
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On November 24, 2009, 2:30 pm catch22 says:
Question: What is the one regret you still have from from dealing what that one and what is the the one thing you would've done differently?
Honestly....in hindsight...I thought I was a great partner to him but after some reflection I have realized that I assumed that he was soooo strong when in fact, he really needed to be able "let that facade" go sometimes when it was just the two of us. I always assumed he could handle it all because that's how he always acted but he told me much later after the relationship ended that some days, he wished he could just lean on me sometimes instead of the other way around all the time. I learned that men need a place of "rest" emotionally and spiritually and for him...he needed that place of rest to be in my arms at times.... |
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On November 24, 2009, 3:35 pm Wood says:
I've had situations like that come up a time or two. I have what I call "windows for love", in that for any given woman, the window for love has only a three weeks or so opportunity to happen afer we meet, and forever reason why it doesn't, I have never felt like revisiting and experiencing a love affair with that particular sista.
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On November 24, 2009, 6:17 pm JustAThought says:
I never really had a recurrent (sp?) one. The one person I was in love with, that person was not someone to come back. We didn't stay friends so I doubt we will ever speak.
The only SO to come back and say something they should have said when it mattered, was my first BF from freshman year, and I just deleted the FB message and let it go. |
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On November 26, 2009, 1:45 am alexiscius says:
love this topic. You did a great job on the subject matter. I think everyone has had atleast half of it run through their minds. Everybody plays the fool at one time, but it makes us better.
I love how you defined the many levels and changes through out the realationships. Snap,Snap, snap my brother! The one I loved the most, taught me understanding, but I wouldn't take him back. So I can understand the title. |
Personally thinking back to the time we were together and hearing those same things I WANT TO HEAR rather than knowing what I want and seeing with my eyes the actions that were to follow brought me back to reality when the days and years passed then we saw each other again. He said the same things, smelled the same way and the bitter taste in my mouth returned.....don't feed me shit again then expect me to eat it again just because NOW you got a little heavier pocket and have been SAVED learning the errors of your ways....great for you, but you are not for me.
Casual cool and nonchalant is how I act......fool me once, fool me twice, nah mean