July 29th 2010
What's Up Homegirl? Pt. 2
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by RickGeez on February 9, 2010, 4:55 pm in Dating
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4 comments |
Can I get my fresh start? Let me know when you're completely over your last man and ready to jump in two feet forward. See I no longer have the time to wait months from the point where we've met and expressed interest before you become emotionally available to move past your pain and fear. Those feelings need to be handled and unfortunately too many people feel the need to quickly move on and mask those feelings of hurt. Please handle that before moving forward with anyone new....me included. I can't operate in this gray area. I'm ready to invest all my time and energy into one sister but I can only put these emotions on hold for so long. But again I need to know if you're mentally open. How would you be sure? I need to know if your spirit and soul is healthy enough to even receive this blessing I'm waiting to give you. Am I being too intrusive asking all these questions? I find these questions appropriate in order for me to manage my expectations for someone new I just recently met. I would even consider not keeping any other options available until you're ready but I can't make any promises. You say I need to have trust but when things are uncertain..it's hard to even trust myself. Past experiences have taught me to quickly move on and other experiences proved I made the wrong decision by not being patient enough to stick around.
You know nothing in life is guaranteed. I can't even promise you that I won't have any resentment built up for being placed on hold for so long. See I need to see that mutual interest and I shouldn't be faded to the background until you get over the fact of how those last few brothers hurt you. I always say timing and circumstances need to be in order. Maybe it's just not our time to shine. Maybe we can try it again another time. You say you need more trust but isn't that something that's built over a period of time? Perhaps your current circumstances are too great for you at this moment to allow someone new into your life. On behalf of my brothers I apologize for all the pain they've caused you but I can't be accountable for all those mistakes and broken promises. In due time I will no doubt make my own mistakes with you that I'll have to be accountable for when and if we decide to move forward. Will you understand? Will our foundation be strong enough to overcome these mistakes? I just want to begin my fresh start. Tell me...am I acting too selfishly? I'll wait patiently until you're able to forgive all of them. But with me when does the compromising begin? Should I continue to date, should I remain patient or maybe we can start building a friendship that can last a lifetime even if we don't ever make it to an intimate relationship because remember nothing is guaranteed. Last time I waited months for a sister to become emotionally available then it was damn near impossible for her to ever even reach me emotionally because I was too disconnected from the situation. Interest and trust was lost. Would you be willing to make the effort and take a chance at rebuilding that connection we had at the start or would you become impatient when we're not moving at the pace you desire? Could you handle it if another sister came along and couldn't pass a good thing up? No worries..as you become my unconditional homegirl I'll tell you all about it.
They always say love is unconditional but why does that only apply under certain conditions? So what are your conditions? These are the things I need to know as we start moving forward. You say be gentle with your heart but if two people are loving unconditionally then there shouldn't be anything handled in a gentle and cautious manner when you're trying to grow together. I've always been told to love and play hard so if this is real I can't go half speed if I'm into you 100%. Would that be fair to you? Let me know because I'm always down to have another homegirl in my life but if you want more you can't place a willing and open man on hold. Emotions need to be nurtured and cultivated in order to grow. In real time I've learned you can't place peoples emotions in layaway. Everyone is looking for that right deal at the right time and most importantly when it matters. Time waits for no man and we shouldn't take anything or any situation..or any great deal.. for granted. Either way it's cool..being a homegirl is just as important but once we go there... we might not ever make it back.
Flagler are we asking the tough questions upfront? Have you ever met someone, the connection was there but they weren't emotionally available? Were you quick to move on? Were you patient? Was it worth it? Is it beneficial to discuss potential SO's (significant others) past relationships to better understand their current mindset about dating and where they stand emotionally?
You know nothing in life is guaranteed. I can't even promise you that I won't have any resentment built up for being placed on hold for so long. See I need to see that mutual interest and I shouldn't be faded to the background until you get over the fact of how those last few brothers hurt you. I always say timing and circumstances need to be in order. Maybe it's just not our time to shine. Maybe we can try it again another time. You say you need more trust but isn't that something that's built over a period of time? Perhaps your current circumstances are too great for you at this moment to allow someone new into your life. On behalf of my brothers I apologize for all the pain they've caused you but I can't be accountable for all those mistakes and broken promises. In due time I will no doubt make my own mistakes with you that I'll have to be accountable for when and if we decide to move forward. Will you understand? Will our foundation be strong enough to overcome these mistakes? I just want to begin my fresh start. Tell me...am I acting too selfishly? I'll wait patiently until you're able to forgive all of them. But with me when does the compromising begin? Should I continue to date, should I remain patient or maybe we can start building a friendship that can last a lifetime even if we don't ever make it to an intimate relationship because remember nothing is guaranteed. Last time I waited months for a sister to become emotionally available then it was damn near impossible for her to ever even reach me emotionally because I was too disconnected from the situation. Interest and trust was lost. Would you be willing to make the effort and take a chance at rebuilding that connection we had at the start or would you become impatient when we're not moving at the pace you desire? Could you handle it if another sister came along and couldn't pass a good thing up? No worries..as you become my unconditional homegirl I'll tell you all about it.
They always say love is unconditional but why does that only apply under certain conditions? So what are your conditions? These are the things I need to know as we start moving forward. You say be gentle with your heart but if two people are loving unconditionally then there shouldn't be anything handled in a gentle and cautious manner when you're trying to grow together. I've always been told to love and play hard so if this is real I can't go half speed if I'm into you 100%. Would that be fair to you? Let me know because I'm always down to have another homegirl in my life but if you want more you can't place a willing and open man on hold. Emotions need to be nurtured and cultivated in order to grow. In real time I've learned you can't place peoples emotions in layaway. Everyone is looking for that right deal at the right time and most importantly when it matters. Time waits for no man and we shouldn't take anything or any situation..or any great deal.. for granted. Either way it's cool..being a homegirl is just as important but once we go there... we might not ever make it back.
Flagler are we asking the tough questions upfront? Have you ever met someone, the connection was there but they weren't emotionally available? Were you quick to move on? Were you patient? Was it worth it? Is it beneficial to discuss potential SO's (significant others) past relationships to better understand their current mindset about dating and where they stand emotionally?
Join the conversation, add your comment4 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On February 9, 2010, 7:50 pm Wood says:
Flagler are we asking the tough questions upfront? Have you ever met someone, the connection was there but they weren't emotionally available- Were you quick to move on? Yeah, I'm quick...very quick. I try to simplify things as much as possible and I never try to dig deep as to why. Were you patient? Was it worth it? Is it beneficial to discuss potential SO's (significant others) past relationship to better understand their current mindset about dating and where they stood emotionally? If there are any emotional floundering around, ambiguities or what I perceives as being hung up on another man, I'm not digging into all that...it to the GF only file. Only when things are crystal clear and I interpret her behavior with me as being solid and consistant, will I even allow myself to be emotionally available.
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On February 9, 2010, 9:42 pm msbnmd says:
@Rick: I REALLY love this blog. I'm not able to wrap my mind around it just yet...but I felt it.....I just wanted to respond to passion that seeped through those letters and words. Gave me MUCH to think about!
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On February 10, 2010, 1:19 am loveless says:
@Rick nice blog. If you are really feeling the girl then you should ask the tough questions upfront. I can be honest with a guy and tell him I'm not ready to give or recieve love just yet and he's still willing to wait it out. Crazy right? well if he'll stop observing for a minute, he'll see I go places by myself because I want to be alone. He'll try to convince my friends to talk to me about being with him. Sure I take him along @ times but I'm not stringing him along. If I was honest and upfront with a man the conversation would go like this. Yeah I've been hurt, not ready to take that chance again. I will date you for a minute or two and then i'm gone. Please dont ever get too attached to me because that scares me. Its just too complicated to have that conversation in the early stages of dating but if someone asked tough questions I'll probaly be more receptive and open up a little more.
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On February 10, 2010, 6:52 pm Dashon says:
Preach Brother Rick...great blog!
Flagler are we asking the tough questions upfront? I find that most folks aren't. I've gotten better at doing that, and the results have been really eye-opening. For me the the best part of operating in this mode, has been that I don't waste time with guys that don't qualify as an SO, or are not interested in a committed relationship. Have you ever met someone, the connection was there but they weren't emotionally available? Yeap! Were you quick to move on? Were you patient? Was it worth it? Yes to quick to move on. Patience is hard for me, but I also lose interest when a guy runs hot & cold or is inconsistent. Several have come back later "ready"...only to find that not only are they no longer on my radar...their number is no longer saved on my phone. Is it beneficial to discuss potential SO's (significant others) past relationships to better understand their current mindset about dating and where they stand emotionally? Yes, the but the timing of this conversation is important. Have it too soon, you can abort something that may have had potential...have it too late and you'll be left holding an emotional bag. |
