July 29th 2010

Trapped Inside This Maze

No matter how you look at it, dating can  be parallel to being caught up in a maze. We have the choice of constantly looking backwards, keeping it moving or waste time analyzing any and everything to justify why we're still single.  Due to the complexity of this dating game, everyone is moving in different directions. We all have a variety of experiences and we're all looking for that type of connection we desire at the end of this maze. There's been plenty of situations where we've felt trapped and frustrated within this maze. They say no risk, no reward right? The challenge is that there aren't any guarantees for all the time, effort and energy you put in because this maze is really  a mental game to be played. Unfortunately some of us are stuck in the middle of this maze longer than others.



By entering this maze we try to internalize our own thoughts of old relationships, memories (good and bad), places, pictures or even songs that constantly remind us of people from our past. No matter how fast we try to make it through this maze to get to the next special person, we still try  to compartmentalize our past. We even try to take shortcuts  but often find ourselves back in the same entrance we came in without anythig to show for our time. In this maze we question if we should've went left when we probably should've made a right turn. Those are the times when we could have been less stubborn and more willing to compromise. So in addition to these failures, we're forced to walk through this maze with regrets as well. Even when you begin to see some light at the end of this maze and start to build some momentum, we begin always seem to "wonder". We start asking ourselves about all the "what ifs" or how things would've been and could've been different if we were a little more patient. Doubt and fear always enter the mindset. We begin to think it's always easier to start over rather than making a few tweaks and continue to finish what we started. We always feel it's brighter down certain pathways, when in fact we should've stayed the course. We wonder if we could've been a better partner instead of all the finger pointing and blaming others.



As I always say we need to be more accountable..equally, both brothers and sisters. We need to focus on finding the solutions to make things work rather than justify reasons why we're still single. No matter how you look at it we're all single by choice.   


But in this maze you can't start over. Dwelling on past failed relationships always seem to slow you down through this journey. At times you find your confidence fluctuating through this personal journey. I see too many people attempting to move forward by "hoping" something positive will happen versus having faith and being prepared for what each and every turn within this maze will lead us to.  As we move through this maze it seems as if we're all sporting shields and masks to protect our hearts from further disappointments. We're subconsciously jabbing our spears to prevent anyone from getting close to us. It feels safer so we think. Are we really expecting love, affection, commitment and display of emotion up front before we even reciprocate those same things in return? As we continue to move through this maze it becomes challenging. Our focus is more about spending too much time trying to gain a true understanding of all these dynamics and differences of how brothers and sisters handle dating, relationships or even peer pressure to find a mate instead of moving at a pace that's best for us as individuals. We've suddenly become too cautious about making new decisions in effort to avoid making the same mistakes twice or even three times for some.  Sometimes we need to take a step back and regroup before giving up so easily.  


They say in each situation there are lessons to be learned but they are only meaningful if we choose to apply these lessons. We're more inclined to try things entirely different by thinking we'll get..well, different results. As we move further into this maze it can feel as if we've made progress by thinking time heals everything... so they say. But again, everything begins to look familiar because we're not willing to make the proper changes because it's never our fault...right?.  We even find ourselves back in the same spot making the same mistakes because we try to do everything the opposite way thinking it would lead to different results we all strive to get. Some people even start getting hopeless, leadng you make bad choices based on desperation. Perhaps the first time was the right way but we refused to see a few situations all the way through; even through all the bad times. I call this hustling backwards. We stopped doing the little things we did before because we like to take things for granted. That one wrong turn seem to always cost us more time inside this maze. Our baggage, our disappointments or loss of faith weighs us down as we try to manuver through each phase.    


I'm sure plenty us have been dating for years. Some of us have been in a few long relationships that never worked out. Imagine presenting a protential mate a resume listing your entire dating history and had to explaining why you moved from one relationship to another. How would you explain those multiple short term relationships and why you didn't marry the one you were with for years? 

After  years of dating and after all the time, energy, dates, emails, text messages, phone calls, stress, blogs, ups/downs, disappointments and all the good and bad memories ...some us still can't understand why we're still single. Some reasons could be that it wasn't our time to shine,  too stuck in our single ways or we're just simply not putting in the required work to meet or maintain that special someone. Some of us are currently in relationships where you're simply not happy, too content or too comfortable to leave. But again, it's never our fault. Some us are still playing the blame game. 


Bottom line it's our choice how we  decide to navigate through this maze of what we call dating. Instead of looking at each past relationship as a failure, realize that our success in finding that right one will be based on a culmination of all the lessons learned from each past experience including all the hurt. It's our choice within this maze if we want to turn right or left, with or without our spears & shields and how we allow our baggage to slow us down.  

Flagler do you feel at times this dating game is just a never ending maze? if so, why? What lessons have you learned from past experiences that helped you maneuver through your own personal maze?