July 29th 2010

Scarred but Still Breathing...

You've heard that we all should hope for the best but be prepare for the worst. Does that always hold true when it comes to dating and relationships? People should feel optimistic, open and expect postive outcomes when they begin dating but I think so many people forget that love is a double edged sword. Sometimes we have to deal with the worst to really appreciate what is truly meant for you. I'm sure at times we get real anxious to get into a new situation but forget about the possible negative outcomes that may come along as well. They say high risk, high reward right?  As my past blogs suggested we all should look at a union from a team perspective, to compromise and eliminate our single ways in order to be emotionally available when bringing someone  new into your life. With the range of skepticism from both brothers and sisters I see a great deal of people approaching dating too indifferently while I see others immediately getting too caught up, too pressed or even over analytical when dealing with dating and relationships.  


I've  also seen a great share of too many people who have been scarred and wounded trying to find that one. Some have completely given up, beat down and just no where near of their true essence of who they really are as a person deep inside. Some feel they need to change or adapt to the conformity of the opposite gender to relate.  I've seen where people are afraid to look at pain directly in the eye. They avoid it rather than confront it head on. It's real and I see too many people smuggled by their own pain. However we do all have some level of accountability in every situation. It's about not letting that one person consume you 100% which is why it's hard for some people to handle break ups.  I often question when I see my people go through breakups if it's really about not being with that particular person or is it more about the fear of starting over... the fear of being alone?  

When the situation is good there shouldn't be a problem with two people working towards building and cultivating  a team, a partnership...a foundation. Everything should termed as "we" or "us"  but there is a thin line where we need to maintain our own individuality versus being selfless. It's a thin line between compromising and maintaining your own independence. It's a thin line between pessimism and optimism depending on the result of your last relationship. Haven't we all been caught up or wide open at one point with a significant other that we lost "ourselves" within a relationship? I've even seen people lose themselves because they never achieve the type of success from relationships that they feel they deserve to have. We've been anxious for a certain type of person or a certain relationship we feel we deserve to come along for awhile where it becomes such a false high priority it consumes us completely. How do you keep  your overall happiness, measurement of success, or your well being from being determined or dictated  by any current or past relationships?   

Seeing brothers and sisters allowing one person to cause them to give up on love, dating & relationships completely is a perfect example of allowing vulnerabilities and insecurities to take over. That's giving someone from a past failed relationship to have complete power over you. We've all been there before or even several times. We should never get to a point where we rely so much emotionally on another person that we shut down our willingness to open up to others. Two things that we should never allow people to take control of is our spirit and our soul. We all have scars and wounds from past relationships but it's how we handle it. Someone told me as long as you always have charisma, personality and the ability to relate, someone will always be attracted to you. Are you too busy living through your own rearview mirror? Have you lost your ability to show love that you fail to expose those attractive attributes about yourself?  It's all about learning a few lessons, rebuilding your confidence and keeping it moving. You might be scarred but you're still breathing. We should always think like that. Prior baggage is causing people to miss out moving forward or to miss out on connecting with good people. Keep your spirit healthy. When you meet that special one, definitely continue to live in the moment but you have to remember love is a double edged sword and we can't take it for granted or don't let it consume you completely. We tend to forget that something that makes you feel that good can also cause you to feel that much more pain. Only problem we never expect it and we never know how to prepare for it.   

Nothing is guaranteed. I do believe in soulmates but nobody should ever consume your soul.       


Flagler Hill: How do you maintain your own individuality while in a relationship?  Have you ever found yourself being too consumed with one individual or a relationship where you felt you lost your own identity?