July 29th 2010

Is it Really Your Time To Shine?

Your style of fashion is always on point, career is in order, swagger is always on 10, hair is fly, crib is settled but you're still wondering why you're still single. You try to buy into these staggering statistics of why you're single but one by one all your people around you are slowly moving off the market. You can't help but to start taking it personally or even engage in finger pointing of why the last few relationships didn't work out. Two things I see people overlook or take for granted is timing and circumstances. I never hear people speak much about how these two factors play a vital role with the success or the demise of relationships. We could look at timing in two different ways. One could being looked at from a personal perspective with the other looked at from aligning what a potential significant other needs and desires which matches yours at the same time.  Circumstances have always been a major factor that's prohibited relationships from growing. Sadly there are times we don't address or even overlook these circumstances until we're in too deep and by then it's too late.    


When I speak about timing have you ever asked yourself the tough questions about rather or not if the current time is good for you to even be in a relationship? Have you ever asked yourself if you're really  emotionally available? Are you finished living your life through your rearview mirror? Is your life conducive enough  to even bring someone new into your life?   


What I mean by being emotionally available is considering all the factors that may limit you from being 100% emotionally available to another  such as fear, caution, hesitancy, always regretful or untrusting? People tend to overlook the importance of taking a full inventory of their own mental baggage. We're quick to move on to the next relationship without properly healing from the failure of past relationships or any unresolved issues. Some people thrive off new energy but remember my blog "when the newness wears off?"  It's like looking in the mirror at times...we struggle with being completely honest with ourselves and we dump past baggage unto to the next new person. Sometimes we need to know when to step back from dating and pursuing relationships. We tend to make it such a higher priority than it really is when we don't have the right mindset at that moment. Be honest..Its not always our time to shine. I do believe timing heals everything but some people would disagree.      


How many times you felt like you've met the right person but it just wasn't the right time? Asking to take a break to regroup to try again when the timing is better is usually never an option. Personally I tell my people perhaps taking a break can allow two people to focus on other aspects like preserving the friendship of a relationship which is still the most relevant part to the overall foundation. One sister said something very profound that I will never forget about taking a break from a relationship. She mentioned that most people are afraid to take breaks. They feel people should work things out together and by being apart would make matters worse. We're too busy trying to be the one to leave with the upper hand.  If one is genuinely interested in preserving or even  maintaining the possibility of rekindling the relationship in the future...then taking a break for a month or 6 months to even a year is just a drop in the bucket. If you even once ever invisioned yourself being with that someone forever, a break is just a  bump on the road. Most cases after some time you realize the positive times spent together outweighed the negatives. Sometimes we play some situations closer than we need to and we needed to take a step back. The dynamics of dating have become so complex and uncertain... people have become so conclusive....it's either all or nothing without having any type of foresight but whole lot of hindsight. You never know who just might find their way back into your life.  

It's a gamble you have to be willing to take..some have moved on while others found their way back.  


Flagler : Do you believe that timing is everything? Has timing ever worked in your favor? Have you ever asked someone you were interesting in dating if they were emotional available? Have you ever discovered that taking a break from a relationship to be beneficial or counter productive?