I touched on procrastination a couple of weeks ago and yes, I’m touched. I’m my own version of nutty and I’m loved for it. My days have been just as busy, but I’ve forged the time to research procrastination to see if I can understand my delayed mode of operation a little better. My intent was to discuss it fully the last time, but I got distracted (LOL).

As I reflect on myself in an attempt to sort some of this out, it’s no surprise that when I searched my memory bank, I found belated book reports, last-minute biology labs, tardy term papers and comatose late night cram sessions. That covers my school years from elementary to college. I always made it happen – carried my A/B average throughout college with ease. Could have been a straight “A” student though… could have been.

Moving on to my corporate career, I was tagged with the phrase “make it happen”. I held that title with pride. Give me a problem, man-made or Mother Nature and I was the ad hoc queen. I could figure out how we got there, how to get through it and develop a solution to keep it from happening again. The company was sure to see an ample increase in revenue to recover the costs. I was like Mikey in the Life Cereal commercials with a slight twist, they would say, “I'm not gonna do it — you do it!... Let’s get Melanie!”

For the most part, this has worked for me. No harm, no foul. Well, not really…

On a more personal level, I carried this need for delayed dealings into my personal relationships. I was one of the many people that consider themselves “laidback”. What a hoax! I wasn’t laidback. In many situations I was spineless. I got along to get along until… I was fed up! Instead of setting healthy boundaries for myself and operating within my true comfort zone, I gave second, third and thirty-third chances; only to claim victim in the end. My delinquent dialog contributed to much hurt as I was too scared to say what I desired. And when I did attempt to voice my desires with my soft-spoken overtones they didn’t hear me. Speak boldly? How could they love me, if I was blunt? State what I want… what? They may reject me. I operated under the pretense that I loved them, so they should know how to love me. When they didn’t get it, I was pissed! I let them have it and then skillfully worked my magic to pick up the pieces. All under the guise of “make it happen”.

Now there is much more to my personal relationship story than that, but you can get your weekly dose of male bashing from some other writer.

Procrastinate [proh-kras-tuh-neyt] verb – to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

Till another time… I realized several years ago that I view the most valuable resource as time. I always feel like I would like to spend more quality time with my children. Have a few more deep conversations with my mom and dad. You know, just absorb and disperse love more effectively to those that are closest to me. So, I guess I value most what I cherish least?

Wow… this seems to going full circle. It appears that I have a love-hate relationship with time.

In my other blog I asked “Why is my self-worth just showing up?” Why did I ask that and what does it have to do with procrastination? Well, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and I need to understand my self-worth. I should strive to increase it to its fullest extent in order to make the most of the time that God has given me. So, if I’m wasting the time I’ve been given, not knowing how much I have left, then I must not be valuing myself as I should. It’s right here in the bible…

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going." Ecclesiastes 9:10

For me, there is something about understanding myself that gives me compassion for my situation. Once I have understanding it’s easier to recognize the details that got me to that point. It’s with this clearer vision that I am able to see those little red flags as they start to rear their ugly little heads. I can smile seeing it for what it is, forgive myself if I need to and push forward through the situation. As I’m totally aware of my nuttiness, I collect all the little nuts that God blessed me with along the way and thank Him for each one. You see, Life Cereal Is Not So Nutty.

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