Can't be mad at this blog demanding brothers to respect themselves and how we should evaluate the type of attention we receive from certain sisters as we pursue relationships. I would be real interested to see what other brothers from FH would have to say about this piece or even sisters to see if they would add to the points already made. Well written blog Melanie.  

Thanks Rick! This blog is a follow-up to the last marketing blogs for the females - got to share the love. I always feel a little out of place giving this type of opinion on the male psyche, but it's interesting trying to put my female feet in male shoes...

Nice piece Melanie, and I think this position is worth discussing. I will agree that many of us will sit back, check and sit around waiting for a sista to make the first move, but I don't think it is out of laziness or lack of confidences, for the most part.  I do think that a man's motivation for a given outcome determines his desires to sit back or approach, and the enviroment in which he frequents or come across a sista could also play a role in whether he approach or sits. 
If you don’t approach, there is an underlying interpretation that you are cowardly. Most women are smart enough to know that if a man can’t stand the direct rejection of a woman, it’s probable that he will crumble when he faces the rejection of the world. How are you going to lead a household… one in which you receive respect, support and love? 
This is a very interesting thought Melanie, one in which I've never heard before in regards to men.  I can only speak for myself, in that I'm not an agressive person when it comes to approaching women, but I will approach a woman if I want to.  To me, it may be something as simple as to the frequency in which I typically meet women in various environments.  I can also say that I could never pick up a difference of whether I may be compatible or relationship outcome with a sista who approaches me, or whether I do the approaching.  I have received enough approaches by women who I find attractive and enjoyed being with, just as much as when I've approached.

There have been times when I just didn't want to give a certain sista an option or to be in a position to turn me down; even when I found her to be attractive and had thought of wanting to meet her.  I can't agree with your assertion that there is or may be a correlation of a man not approaching and his being fragile wh facing the troubles of the world. 

Hey Sistah Melanie!
I feel you on many of the points you've made.  It is about choices, and alignment of one's words & actions. 

I believe that in order for a woman to submit (in the biblical sense), its necessary for the man to lead as Christ lead.  Not suggesting that he be able spit the word chapter & verse, or that he be a man with limited faults & indescretions (although that's definitely a plus), but without respect for his leadership abilities...its very difficult for a woman to love, let alone submit to him.

When guys ask me what am I looking for in a man, a part of my answer always includes: "a man who can take the lead & whose lead is worthy of following". 

I'm in a leadership role in every aspect of my life, and I don't want to lead with a man.  I like being a woman, and luxuriating in my femininity....just which I had the chance to experience it more often. (Sighs).  Blessings in route!

Merry Christmas Sis!

@Shon... Gurl! - I've missed you. (I know it's me, not you that's been MIA of late.) Anywho... I read Wood's response and took a deep breath because it's hard for some to understand that as "forward" thinking as we claim to be there are still roles in relationships. And some of those traditional archaic roles work as a basic foundation. *not saying that Wood wouldn't get it, just that I wasn't wanting to be the one to articulate it*

@Wood check out Dashon's answer above *golden*, other than that you would have to go back to some of my OLD posts. "He is", "To Women Who are Seeking..." or "Keep in Mind". They would give you an understanding of my pov and where my statement generates from.

@Mel:  LOL, I feel ya!  Miss talking with you too....I've been kinda hit & miss on FH.

(If you don’t approach, there is an underlying interpretation that you are cowardly. )

I have never been one to even be termed as shy so the approach has never been a problem and

(For those who actually approach women, do you really know what you want beyond your preferences for certain physical attributes?)

yes I know what I want. Truth of the matter is that in most instances physical attributes are all you have to go on from the onset. None of the rest even matters until after the 1st encounter...that is unless she is a mess from the onset!

@Shon - "I'm in a leadership role in every aspect of my life, and I don't want to lead with a man.  I like being a woman, and luxuriating in my femininity....just which I had the chance to experience it more often." I love this. Didn't say it before, but in the world of the STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN - can I get a pass? 

@Beast - I agree physical and emotional energy/vibes play into the 1st impression, 1st attraction. That's a given. So you're not looking to be Captain-Save-A-... *eh-hem* Mess?

I must say that I agree with this blog, but since I have no desire to be in a committed relationship, it doesn't apply to me. However, when a man is looking for one woman, the RIGHT woman, these is a great guide of both examination of the women you choose to deal with, and yourself. Nicely written.

Wood said:   "I have received enough approaches by women who I find attractive and enjoyed being with, just as much as when I've approached.

@FH Fam:  Considering Wood's statement above, has anyone considered that women of high quality DO approach certain men but may secretly resent them for making them move out of their feminine role.

@ Melanie

Good blog, although a large part of it doesn't apply to me.

I always wondered why it is so difficult for a man that is doing everything the right way and the way it seems most women desire that things be done can have SO LITTLE SUCCESS with women?

@undressingHER - Good, glad I was on point. I don't usually write to the men, so this was a stretch for me. 

@phoenix - It depends on the interaction after the approach for me. I can't say that I resent them, but if I approach I quickly step back to observe you and see how you proceed. Beyond that I don't think much about it. 

@IntroSpectiv - I've read a lot of your writing and being frank... I think once you let go of the "I'm doing everything right" mentality things will start flowing better for you. No one does everything right and all the desires of a woman will never be met. Desires are like relationships, they are dynamic organisms. Once a man's actions adopt a little bit of "If you don't like it move on," instead of "See, I can give you all of this perfection" then he gains power in his relationships. Think of power as the root and everything else as desirable by-products. To an extent a man that exudes power fosters feelings of wisdom, financial stability, and protective strength in the women that are around him. The feeling may not be warranted, but women struggle to separate fact from perception.

@Intro


Melanie is correct by saying we can't assume we're doing everything "right" when dealing with sisters when it's more about "relating". What may be "right"  or "relative" to one sister could be something completely different to the next. As men we just need to make sure our personality has the depthness needed to relate to a variety of sisters. It's never a one approach fits type all deal when we're first approaching sisters.  

@Melanie

There might be one reason a man won't approach a woman that has nothing to do with rejection or physical attributes.  Maybe women don't present themselves as approachable; I'll explain.

A woman could be looking straight at me but if she doesn't smile, for me that's a turn off.  There's nothing more inviting to me as a black man than a warm smile from a beautiful black woman!  A counter-argument to this is that a woman is not smiling at the man because the man is not smiling at her, which is understandable so I would say to both men and women if you see someone you like, smile.  That may sound corny to some, but hey that's what I like.

Also, a woman you're interested in may be with her friends, or their "circle" and I've been told by some women that if you see that, it usually means that they don't want to be approached.  Now I guess I can still take the leap forward and approach anyway in that situation, but it doesn't confuses things a little about how and when to approach.

phoenix said: ...but it doesn't confuses things a little about how and when to approach.

I meant to say ...it DOES confuses things a little about how and when to approach.