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March 14th 2010 05:10 AM

Touch It Baby

by JustAThought
Category Sex
Posted February 2, 2010, 10:24 pm

Hey baby. Gimme your hand. Put it right there. Slowly. Move it back and forth, back and forth. Grip it. Feel that? You like it? Put your fingers in it. Feel it, all around. Two hands. Grip it. Pull me close to you. Yeah.....

At least that is what I want to say. Give instructions to a man, so he can finally give me what I've been wanting for so long. For him to touch my hair.

Yeah, I said it. I'm a black woman, and I want a man to touch my hair. My unprocessed, natural, kinky-wavy-curly-nappy hair.

You can push my puff out of my face (or yours) when we are cuddled on the couch watching the tv. Tuck a piece behind my ear in a tender moment. Grab a section and watch it spring back when you give it a gentle tug. And during sex... well, you saw what I wrote above.

There is this big taboo about touching a black woman's hair. You will hear scores of black women admonish all fingers and hands to stay away from their hair. I know, from my days with a relaxer, about not disturbing or ruining a very expensive hairdo. Or the shame of your man pulling away a hand shellacked with Blue Magic or some such concoction. Or worse, having a man recoil from your hair because it grows from your scalp in tight kinks and curls instead of straight and silky strands.

However, I meet an alarming number of men - black men - who are unwilling to explore black hair. If it ain't permed or weaved, then they don't know what to do. Especially if it is not contained into some "neat" pattern that they are familiar with (locs, twists, braids). A full-out fro? You might as well ask him to go up to a NYC police officer and slap him.

I want my hair touched. I want you, if we are intimate, to have full access to me, and me to have full access to you. I want you to look at and touch every part of me, and to find it beautiful. Acceptable. How can you do that if you won't even touch it?

I say all this because I find it quite disturbing the lack of appreciation for "Black" hair in the black community. For past boyfriends to only delight in my hair post pressing comb or flat iron. For them to be surprised that my afro is surprisingly soft in its nappiest state. That I don't go nuclear on them post-congress because touching my hair has rendered it into a less than flattering disordered mass.

I'm limiting this discussion to intimate discussions of hair, but that does not mean that men are the only ones scared of the fro. You have no idea how many hair stylists' eyes have gone wide as saucers when I walk in with my fro. When I refuse a perm or hard press. And when I have to walk them through how to handle nappy hair.

I'm sure all of you have seen "Good Hair" (I hate this movie, for too many reasons), and read the countless articles about struggles young girls and mothers had in styling black hair. Or maybe you have more personal experiences, having had to go through less than pleasant hair-stories. Whatever your knowledge of some - and it is only some - of black women's hairstory, there is an even bigger part that often gets ignored. Black women are WOMEN first - we have the needs of every other woman. THe need to be cherished. To be loved. To feel that the men in our lives find each part of us attractive. And while a lot of us will willingly forgo having men touch our hair, there are more women than you think who are just waiting for their man's fingers to get lost in their hair.

So, ladies and gents, be brave. Let down your guard. Let the hair pulling commence.

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10 MEMBER COMMENT(S)


		On February 3, 2010, 8:11 am loveless says: I love to get my hair pulled. I dont care what style I'm wearing for the day. The thing is, he cant touch it when it first get done. lol. If I have a hair appointment the next day, pull on. My man didnt like braids. He said he didnt like the smell. O.K so he had a bad experience with someone else, not me. He complained that I do too much to my hair and he didnt know when he could touch it. This is true too because I go from braids to relaxer and red, blond, or brown on any given day. To go natural sounds wonderful then he wouldnt have to guess if he should or shouldnt. Hmmm just not ready for that one just yet. I think i'll have to keep interrupting sex to say dont pull my tracks out! lol


		On February 3, 2010, 8:12 am IntroSpectiv says: I actually prefer women with their natural/real hair over any kind of weave/fake hair. As long as it's kept relatively well, almost any natural style is good in my book.


		On February 3, 2010, 9:41 am MassAppeal says: @JustAThought Excuse me for my mind being stuck in the gutter this morning as I thought this blog was headed in a totally different direction. Great use of metaphorical phrases. In response to your blog and I agree with Intro, I don't mind various type of hairstyles as long as they are well kept. If you get a weave, get a good weave. Not the type that breaks off easily and all over my bed. Wigs are a complete turn off especially if you're trying to fool someone. Usually in most cases black women do like to wear head peices and wraps to bed.


		On February 3, 2010, 6:11 pm JustAThought says: @ Introspectiv: By well kept, do you mean well kept in a certain style? My hair is well kept, but straight and "neat" it is not. My hair is not going to fit into the euro hair standard, but it is healthy. @ Mass: LOL, that was the point. I wanted to draw more people in to read this blog. As for wearing scarves, wraps, etc to bed, that is actually to protect our hair. Even natural sisters usually tie their hair up (or invest in a satin pillowcase). I've always wondered about men that mention it is upsetting when a woman is trying to "fool" somebody. But really, often this type of comment is only directed to black women. The same dude that has a problem with a black chick wearing a wig or a weave will swear up and down that white/asian/latina/mixed race women (especially celebrities never ever EVER wear hair extensions. And really, the mainstream beauty standard being what it is, I would think that men are hypocritical for finding long straight hair sexy but being more demanding that the hair has to grow out of your scalp.


		On February 3, 2010, 9:52 pm Dashon says: @JustA: You hit home with this one...I've spoken about my experience with wearing my hair natural and then giving in to the pressure to return to a relaxer. Just to avoid ignorant conversations about my hair with folks that looked like me. My goal is to be back in my natural hair by this summer. I don't know how the fellas felt about running their hands through it, but I loved it! It was so soft, free of hair products and very liberating. Freedom is what it symbolized for me, and as I lmove towards claiming a more peaceful and low-maintenance lifestyle...natural hair is a big part of that plan. Rock on with 'cho bad self!


		On February 3, 2010, 10:47 pm IntroSpectiv says: @ JAT No, it doesn't have to be straight or in a certain style....but don't show up looking like you stuck your head in the lint trap of the dryer, either. LOL


		On February 3, 2010, 11:36 pm Wood says: 8=====D~ Where is it...lol. I haven't read anything yet, but I'm ready...lol.


		On February 4, 2010, 4:35 am JustAThought says: @ Dashon: Girl, ^5 for going back to natural. I'm trying to be an example for a lot of women so they will at least consider it. As for men, there are some very ignorant ones, but I feel that my hair gives me an opportunity to see what they really are and how they think before I waste my time. And I could care less how a man feels about touching my hair. I have to touch him, and his body hair (gross), so the least he can do is love my afro.@ Wood:LOL, really? You are nothing if not consistent! Go back and read the blog. I'd like your comments, although I think you are firmly on the "Please Perm It, Baby" team. Just my two cents.


		On February 6, 2010, 2:20 am loveless says: @Just my sister started wearing locks last year. She started a new job with the Arkansas Prison system. They constantly talked with her about her hair style, saying it wasnt appropriate for the type of job she had. She worked on death row. wth. She got so frustrated she quit. Is hair really that serious? She felt she stood her ground, she followed the rules and they did hire her in with that hair style. The person that interviewed her did say the person in charge of her unit may have a problem with it. When he told her to change it, she asked him to show her something in writing where she could not wear her hair like that. Basically it was none but he made her job very hard for her. I was thinking a lawsuit but same thing happened to a girl I know from my church. She was a cashier @ the mall. Her hair was too high. When do you decide ok maybe I should change my hair? job, man, ....


		On February 6, 2010, 7:03 pm Dashon says: Loveless: It's illegal to discriminate based on someone's hairstyle. The landmark case that set the precedent [for this] involved a young lady who worked for the Marriott hotel chain and was terminated for wearing braids. She won her case and a nice amount of $$$. The only way a company can get around this, is to have a dress code where they specifically state that certain hairstyles or type of dress is a violation of the policy. However even when such a policy exists it cannot be applied if the hair must be worn a certain way because of religious observations. (Ex: Facial hair for a muslim, or hair covering for a muslim woman)

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