I recently ran across an article when I was wasting away some downtime at work.  Reading it, I was struck by a complex mix of emotions.  Anger, rage, sadness, disappointment.  Most of all, I was struck with the feeling that the issues I saw in this story (http://nymag.com/news/media/63660/) affect so many black relationships - but they never get discussed in any meaningful way.  These issues are:

1. Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence is a serious problem in the black community.  Black women are disproportionally represented as victims of domestic violence - even more so as victims of domestic violence homicides.  Culturally speaking, black women are not viewed sympathetically as victims of domestic violence, and are accused - even in their own communities - as either deserving/provoking the violence or failing "handle it" because "real black women don't get beat."

Men can also be victims of domestic violence (not indicated in the article). Black men also disproportionately represented as victims of domestic violence, although not to the degree of black women.  And if you think that black women are not viewed sympathetically, it's worse for black men.  They suffer the double stigma of being a man, and thus should not have been beaten - and being a black man, who is subject to the stereotype of hypermasculinity.

2. Sexual Abuse

Sexual Abuse is another verboten topic in the black community.  No one talks about it, yet it is one of the most under-reported crimes that afflict black people.  Black women and black children suffer in silence, or get "slut-shamed" if they do come forward.  Coupled with the fact that black people are less likely to seek counseling and mental health services, this scourge on our community damages people while leaving them little or no recourse for healing.

3. Lack of Respect

I use this subheading to deal with several things that stood out to me.  The lack of respect that led Mr. Carter to abuse his wife, cheat on her, and assume that the woman that helped mold his career was jealous of him.  The lack of respect that Mrs. Carter showed when not respecting her husband's wishes to cease all contact with his abusive mother. Whatever the factors that led them to fail to connect with their partners to form a cohesive union, I believe that they were responsible to overcome those factors to truly become one flesh.  Lack of respect was the result of them failing to do so.

4.  Black Male Privilege

Jewel Woods and R. L’Heureux Lewis (both black men) have published compelling texts and video presentations on black male privilege, so I will point you to their work for an exhaustive definition of this phenomenon.  Shortly put, it describes how black men, an oppressed minority group themselves, oppress those they consider weaker, less important, less worthy - black women (and black children).  Clearly, Dominic Carter was a selfish person who exerted Black Male privilege in the actions described in the article.  Unfortunately, he is not alone is exerting this misguided type of thinking.

5. Mammification of Black Women

Most stereotypes about black women fall into three large umbrellas: Mammy, Jezebel, and Sapphire.  Loosely defined, we are selfless mothers, unrepentant whores, or angry bitter women.  However, I think the stereotype that gets challenged least is that of Mammy.  Even the allegedly positive trope of the "strong black woman" is a dressed up version of the mammy - a woman who has no needs, but is ever-ready to meet the needs of others. She has it together, needs no help, bounces back from anything, and can take on everything.  This trope damages black women.  It gives them no room to be vulnerable, to put their needs first, to rebel against people and pressures that harm them.  It also absolves black men of the responsibility they have to their women and their communities because the Mammy/S.B.W. can handle it all.

6. Disparities in Mental Health Services for Black Americans

The fields of psychiatry and psychology have a blemished track record with the black community.  Black people have been disserved by practitioners in this field - labeled as crazy for opposing harsh, abusive, and violent practices/systems (i.e. slavery and Jim Crow), either prevented from receiving treatment or given harsh (and often medically unnecessary) treatments for mild conditions, and stigmatized within the mental health community.

In addition, even with a caring competent mental health professional that's earnest about helping a black client, there often exists a lack of cross-cultural understanding that will assist in them tailoring their knowledge and training to best help their black client.  The result is a black client not receiving sufficient help in navigating their mental distresses.

Worse, however, is the fact that blacks are less likely to seek help in the first place.  As imperfect as the mental health system is, it can provide treatment and/or relief to those suffering from mental health ailments.  Yet, too many black people will not even seek out the treatment because of the negative perception that mental health issues and treatment have in our community.  We falsely hold the perception that black people are sooo strong, and that mental health issues are white people's issues, leaving too many of us to suffer in silence without the help we need to get better.

FH family:  What do you have to say about these conditions?  Have you experienced any of these in your lives?  What is your take on the article, and the points I pulled out?