July 29th 2010
Be as wise as serpents...
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by JustAThought on November 18, 2009, 4:13 am in Dating
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6 comments |
In our culturally Christian nation, you will hear a lot of Biblical references, scripture, and mention of God tossed into everyday conversations. Sometimes Scripture has been appropriated so much that it becomes cliche without anyone ever knowing the source.
Anywho, the title of this post comes from a Scripture. "Be wise as serpents". Handy dating advice, especially in today's dating scene. Everyone, and I think especially women, need to keep their guard up, their ears open, and their discernment sharp to avoid the most serious of pitfalls when it comes to dealing with the Y-chromosome carriers.
However, I would be remiss to talk about the one half of the scripture without the other. "Be wise as serpents" is only the first half. The other, "and be as innocent as doves" is the other. It is equally - if not more - important. Because it connotes how to behave even when you are putting potential partners through careful examination.
Being as innocent as a dove, or as another translation, means being as harmless as a dove, means not dishing out a bunch of hurt all willy nilly. It's hard, and it goes against every fiber of your being if you've been hurt by a slew of remorseless jokers. But it is the only way to stay relatively sane and free from pervasive bitterness and anger.
It also means knowing enough about yourself and your "mess" so that you don't go spreading your particular brand of unhappiness to other people. Telling your friend once that you don't think their SO is a good fit is fine. Telling them that men ain't isht and why don't they drop that loser every time you see them - Not Ok. Telling a woman upfront that you aren't looking for a serious relationship is fine. Stringing her along to get the panties - definitely not OK. Being hurt because of what someone did to you - ok, just take some time to get that out of your system. But if you decide to develop a severe hatred of the opposite sex because you were hurt, and you decide to denigrate and punish everyone of said gender, you deserve to be tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and shot. And then set on fire and your ashes buried deep in the earth.
No one wants to be hurt. No one wants to keep on suffereing without hope for alleviating their pain. However, we owe it to ourselves to stop the cycle of paying it forward when it comes to lying, hurt, cheating, and the like. Furthermore, we need to find balance in between being constantly on guard, and being foolish with our affection so that we can avoid some of the bigger blunders without sacrificing all connection.
FH: Has there been a time where you failed to live up to the "wise as serpents/innocent as doves" standard? Share.
Anywho, the title of this post comes from a Scripture. "Be wise as serpents". Handy dating advice, especially in today's dating scene. Everyone, and I think especially women, need to keep their guard up, their ears open, and their discernment sharp to avoid the most serious of pitfalls when it comes to dealing with the Y-chromosome carriers.
However, I would be remiss to talk about the one half of the scripture without the other. "Be wise as serpents" is only the first half. The other, "and be as innocent as doves" is the other. It is equally - if not more - important. Because it connotes how to behave even when you are putting potential partners through careful examination.
Being as innocent as a dove, or as another translation, means being as harmless as a dove, means not dishing out a bunch of hurt all willy nilly. It's hard, and it goes against every fiber of your being if you've been hurt by a slew of remorseless jokers. But it is the only way to stay relatively sane and free from pervasive bitterness and anger.
It also means knowing enough about yourself and your "mess" so that you don't go spreading your particular brand of unhappiness to other people. Telling your friend once that you don't think their SO is a good fit is fine. Telling them that men ain't isht and why don't they drop that loser every time you see them - Not Ok. Telling a woman upfront that you aren't looking for a serious relationship is fine. Stringing her along to get the panties - definitely not OK. Being hurt because of what someone did to you - ok, just take some time to get that out of your system. But if you decide to develop a severe hatred of the opposite sex because you were hurt, and you decide to denigrate and punish everyone of said gender, you deserve to be tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and shot. And then set on fire and your ashes buried deep in the earth.
No one wants to be hurt. No one wants to keep on suffereing without hope for alleviating their pain. However, we owe it to ourselves to stop the cycle of paying it forward when it comes to lying, hurt, cheating, and the like. Furthermore, we need to find balance in between being constantly on guard, and being foolish with our affection so that we can avoid some of the bigger blunders without sacrificing all connection.
FH: Has there been a time where you failed to live up to the "wise as serpents/innocent as doves" standard? Share.
Join the conversation, add your comment6 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On November 18, 2009, 12:21 pm Reina says:
Just, I love this.
I wish I could say I lived up to this Scripture, but I'm certain I've gotten close. I've allowed my desire to not be single override my wisdom when it comes to choosing a mate. Saw the warning signs but still ignored them. The relationship failed, but I consider it a teaching experience. |
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On November 19, 2009, 2:51 pm MassAppeal says:
@JustAThought
Good blog. This really simplifies how we should view dating and relationships. It's all about being grown and doing what's right. Also if more people believed in karma that would also clean up a lot of nonsense. |
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On November 19, 2009, 5:27 pm Dashon says:
"However, we owe it to ourselves to stop the cycle of paying it forward when it comes to lying, hurt, cheating, and the like. Furthermore, we need to find balance in between being constantly on guard, and being foolish with our affection so that we can avoid some of the bigger blunders without sacrificing all connection."
@JustA: Well said! Yes, I've had my share of times when I've failed to to be wise as a serpent, and I've taken both the lumps & the lessons, while (attempting) to leave the baggage behind. Nowadays, I do much better with it...it certainly makes for more peace in one's life. Great Blog! |
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On November 21, 2009, 4:32 am BlackSwan says:
I didn't grow up with a perfect example of what a loving relationship should look like between a man and woman, being mother and father. That negativity transended from my mother to me, and the abuse that she endured (that I knew was there but never witnessed) was exacted on me. I became the punching bag. I lost respect for my father and for the image of man. I'm learning now to let that negativity go but, forgiving the man who put my spirit in its debilitated space is difficult to do everyday. He doesn't deserve my respect or my forgiveness (because he doesn't care) but, I know that if I don't do it for myself I'll be 21 more years older and alone.
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On November 24, 2009, 6:11 pm JustAThought says:
@ Everyone:
Thanks for your response. I too have fallen short in being as wise as a serpent, but I've learned that I have to forgive myself for my own mistakes, and to forgive others for my own sanity. It's easier said than done, but I believe that you can choose how to be (like Intro, at one time I chose to be a little more mean, but hey, lol, no one is perfect). @ CCMartin: I empathize with that. I had a visceral hatred of my stepfather for things that occured during his relationship with my mother, and I didn't really forgive him until after he was dead a year or so. And, I had deep gut-gripping hatred for people who used me, hurt me, and betrayed me in the most callous of ways. To put it simply, they didn't (and don't) deserve my forgiveness nor my respect. I'm not saying that you have to give the person respect, but you do have to give yourself the freedom of choosing to discard all that bitterness, anger and hatred. There will never be anything that person can do, go through, or give you to make up for what happened. So, you can work to be free from those emotions (it really is a choice, because NOTHING on this green Earth will make you feel like forgiving them), or chose to stay in those negative emotions. It takes time, and a conscious decision, but end the end you have to do it for you. Nothings is worse than going through something horrible than reliving that horrible thing over and over again because of unforgiveness. |
I am almost TOO wise for my own dating good in the sense that I analyze stuf and break it down to the point where people think I'm being picky.
I'm also quite the militant guy when it comes to women and my opinions on some of the stupis things they do in their dating lives. Don't get me wrong...I'm still a decent, thoughtful man, but I'm not nearly the verbal gentleman I used to be. I'm what I like to term a gentleMEAN.....lol