July 29th 2010

You Just Have to Be a Man

His name was Julian.  He was a loner who worked at a restaurant in the area of Nassau known as Fish Fry.  Me and my homegirl met him while having lunch and our first “I’m on vacation” cocktail.  He drove an old beat up car that had no air conditioning, no music, required some tinkering under the hood before starting, and he carried an extra battery in the trunk -- just in case.

He became our unofficial tour guide for a night out on the town.  He gave us a ride back to our hotel after taking us to a spot that was part horse stables & part liquor store before going back to finish his shift at work.  We were chuckling about the setup of the “liquor depot” but were pleasantly surprised that we were able to get a pint of premium vodka for $4.50.

That evening he picked us up around midnight, and away we went.  He needed to change clothes, so our first stop was the place he called home. A stucco building that resembled a small apartment complex.  His home was a room that was smaller than some walk in closets, and a communal bathroom that was shared with the other residents of the building.  I immediately noticed that although the room boasted only a bed, and an entertainment center complete with a stereo & and an older model television, (ya know a brother is going to have his toys) it was very neat & clean.  Two plastic paint tubs that were turned over served as our seats. 

He cleaned up, and we hit our first spot, a little neighborhood bar where several games of pool and dominoes were being played, and a DJ that had no clue was spinning music that would have made my grandma say "What the hell?!?"  

We chilled there for a while before moving on to the next spot, an upscale club that was known for throwing hot parties.  Please believe that it lived up to its reputation!  Folks were dancing to those Caribbean beats, and moving in a way that would make a video dancer blush. Men were dancing by themselves, and there were women freaking one another on the dance floor.  We watched “the show” for a while and then decided to get a bite to eat.  We hit a local restaurant and munched on conch fritters, before calling it a night.

As Julian was taking us back to our hotel, I got to thinking….here’s this guy whose lifestyle suggests that he is one of the working poor, yet he gave so willingly of himself and his time.  We offered gas money and drinks –both of which he declined.  Throughout the night he looked after us and treated us like queens; opening doors, pulling out chairs, and taking periodic "reality checks" to make sure we were comfortable in those environments.  He never asked for anything, or inferred any expectations of recieving something in return. 

I got to thinking about the men I know that have more resources and and are financially better off than Julian, and the contrasts in (some of) their behavior.  Many of them are selfish -- stingy with their time & benevolence, yet want a woman to give freely of  herself & resources nevertheless. 

So often a woman’s description of a good man includes him being a man of financial means.  Julian confirmed for me that you don’t have to be Bill Gates, Warren Buffett or Will Smith to show a woman a good time, or for her to be happy spending time with you.

You just have to be…well…a man.

FH FAM:  I don’t have any questions, but I am interested in hearing your comments on my observation about Character vs. Means.