During a conversation with some friends who have been married for a number of years, the topic of ways to avoid sex with your spouse came up.  Although I’m now single, I could relate to what they were saying.

Married couples tend to get into a sexual routine.  From the way in which they have sex, to the day of the week & times they have it.  The routine is usually established early on in the marriage, and generally is an unconscious thing.  In other words, you don’t notice that it’s a routine….until it is one.

The problem with a sexual routine is two-fold.   For one, the sex is not as fulfilling as it was in the beginning because you know exactly how it’s going to go down.  Gone are the little surprises that once delighted you and gave you something to reminisce about later; in its place is the familiarity of a routine.

You could write a playbook on your man’s moves, and he could do the same for yours.  Kiss, kiss, suck, suck, stroke, stroke…the end.  The routine itself is not what makes a woman feel as though sex with her husband is an obligation.  That feeling materializes when her husband reacts in a negative way on those (hopefully) rare occasions when she’s not in the mood for the routine. 

Some guys react by shutting down, or getting angry at what they perceive to be a rejection of them versus understanding that she’s just not feeling it at that moment, even though it’s Saturday morning, and you ALWAYS do it on Saturday morning before beginning your day. 

This type of reaction only serves to make the woman less willing to participate in the routine and find ways to avoid it.  If she goes through with the act physically, often mentally she'll disconnect and pray for a quick ending to the coupling, or will do things to ensure that it ends quickly.  Things like faking an orgasm so he’ll go ahead and wrap it up, or becoming more sexually aggressive in an attempt to get him off quickly. 

Each time she gives in to sex that she is not in the mood for, her sexual desire for her mate diminishes.  Under these circumstances, sex no longer feels like an expression of her love for him, but an obligation.  Something that she feels she MUST do to avoid having her man sulk for an entire day, or worst -- make accusations of infidelity because she’s not in the mood to do the horizontal hustle at their regularly scheduled time.

Guys often complain that after marriage, the amount of sex they get dwindles.   In some cases it could be because the sex has become routine.  He’s gone from a creative & spontaneous lover, to a one-round wonder that’s programmed to believe that sex on certain days and at certain times is his right as her husband.

Ladies, if your man has you feeling like sex is an obligation, talk with him about your feelings.  Don’t shut down the communication, or shut off the sex in an attempt to show him how you feel.  That will only make the situation, and your feelings about it worse. 

Fellas, if you recognize yourself in this blog, then it’s time to flip the script, and perhaps in doing so, you just may increase the quantity and quality of the sex you get from your mate.  Just my 2.5