I’m reading Hill Harper’s book, “The Conversation ~ How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships”.  Mr. Harper is an excellent writer – no doubt, and overall I’m enjoying the book.  It reminds me of our conversations on the Hill.  He references the importance of “being committed to the commitment” (a Dashon-ism); “getting unstuck” (a TMurray-ism); and a number of [his] comments reflect things that have been expressed by the Men of FH.  How Mass say it: “Let me find out Mr. Harper is a member of the Hill. (LOL)

He spoke on the historical and familial issues that have impacted our relationships, among other topics.   Some of the information gave me cause for pause, and stirred introspective thought; and while they were not new ideas or concepts, they resonated with me….

“To have completely, embarrassingly honest conversations takes courage…The etymology of the word is cor meaning “heart”.  Speaking from the heart means truly being able to speak about all things that are in you, and then in turn, living from your heart.  Most people have been taught to live from their heads, which is what people who have had to survive have learned how to do.  But at this point in our journey, if we stay in that place, we will bear witness to our own destruction – all the while playing it safe and blaming one another.”

Agreed Brother Hill…agreed.  So often we allow our heads to talk against, or talk us out of what our hearts feel.   We LOOK for reasons (aka excuses) to “manage our emotions” versus being courageous and allowing our hearts to live out loud. 

The Blame Game?  It’s so very played out.   It’s time for each of us to step up like the men and women we profess to be.  Stop playing the victim.  Stop pointing our fingers outward, while never even bothering to look at our own naked behinds in the mirror.  Stop blaming everything & everybody & every situation that has ever fucked with our heads or hearts for our mess, and our messiness.  If we don’t flip the script…we will continue to experience further devastation to the Black family, and our communities.

“We need more light about each other.  Light creates an understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity.” ~ Malcolm X

Hill tells the story of a friend of a (female) friend that he set-up with a couple of his boys.   (Still with me?) 

The young lady was described as carefree, personable, funny, and so on….but each of the guys Hill set her up with, reported that she was uptight, boring and basically a drain.  The total opposite of when she's with her girls or family.  I thought about the times when I've had my guard up so high that my naturally effervescent personality could not shine through.  Brother Malcolm was, and is correct….we need more light.

“Everybody likes to hear please and thank you; nobody likes to feel taken for granted.”

It’s ironic and sad at the same time, that we’ll extend common courtesy and demonstrate our home training to strangers in the street, before we’ll extend those same pleasantries to one another.  Common courtesy never goes out of style, it’s just not so common these days.  We’ve pimped the word friend….created so many derivative definitions of it, until some folks truly don’t know what a friend is.   No matter how we slice it up though–the official definition remains: an ally, or somebody who is not an enemy. 

As my friend Gayle used to say: “We’re focusing on the wrong thing.”  We’re so busy trying not to Get Got, that we’ve become leery of even extending natural expressions of courtesy and consideration; fearing that we’ll appear weak, or be taken advantage of.  Never realizing that being courteous is just like respect & trust.  In order to get it, you must give it.  It is my belief that showing consideration & acknowledging acts of kindness with genuine thanks, is the catalyst for building the level of respect & trust between the Black Man & Woman. 

Just my 2.5.

FH FAM:  Your Thoughts?