This weekend, while hanging out with some friends, I noticed something that previously I’d never really paid much attention to.

In Atlanta, where the male/female ratio is overwhelmingly in favor of the men – there are a lot of Aging Playa’s (AP) still standing around or holding up bar stools;  rocking  an older version of a younger style, buying drinks, and hoping to find someone for a night or a lifetime.

As I watched the AP’s do what they do, I thought about how the number of conversations between men & women focus on the Seasoned Woman’s plight in the dating world, however there’s not much said about the plight of the AP’s who are now searching for love in the wake of their twilight years.

I spotted a guy I'd met when I was in my twenties.  Back in the day, we were both regular fixtures at Mr. V’s On Peachtree for the Friday night happy hour. With the exception of less hair, and a few pounds, seeing him perched up at the bar, was like déjà vu’. 

As we chatted, I discovered that he had been married briefly, and from the tone of his comments -- he’s now one of the walking wounded; another angry & bitter black man who’s out here looking for someone to share all that misery with.

I asked if he was single by choice or by chance.  Initially he gave me a PC response: “I like my freedom, and I don’t want to invite unnecessary drama into my life.”  As our conversation advanced, it became evident that he (just like many single women), is challenged with finding someone who fits his criteria; much of which in my humble opinion was superficial.

Here was a guy that wanted a loving and committed relationship, but had a “list” that almost ensured he’d retain his single status.  Although he no longer can boast youth & stamina as competencies on his dating resume, he wants that in his woman. 

He wants the ability to retain many of his single ways, but desires a woman who is willing to throw hers out the window.  He wants a woman who has herself together, yet he still has some unresolved issues that make him a less than ideal mate.  He wants a woman who has the face of Halle Berry and the body of Beyonce, yet he himself doesn’t possess the physical attributes or swag of Denzel, the accomplishments of Barack Obama, or a body like Fifty-Cents.

This chance meeting with an aging playa, convinced me that having a fun-house mirror image of one’s market-value is not restricted to women.  Perhaps it’s these skewed images of self and the superficial criteria many of us hold fast to, that make single status more chance….than choice….even when we should be old enough to know better.