As an invited member of the media, I attended the taping of ABC’s Nightline segment on the topic of “Why Can’t Successful Black Women Find a Man?”   I was surprised to learn that Hill Harper & Sherri Shepard had a history.

The story goes….that prior to the rise of their respective careers; Hill went into a Taco Bell where he met Sheri.  He put his game down, and asked her to go out with him, but she declined.  Her rationale was that she was marriage-minded at that time, and felt that with them both relying on the bus for transportation, she didn’t think it was wise to get involved with a guy that didn’t own a car.  He used that moment to state that he didn’t have a car, but he had Potential.

The idea of dating someone for their potential is a not a new one, however I have to wonder how many of us really do that?  Or are we looking for someone who is already beautifully wrapped and topped off with the proverbial red bow? 

I think that dating with potential in mind, is more effectual for younger folks who are still figuring out who they are, and laying the groundwork for their future.  When you’re younger, the perception of a person’s potential is a more viable consideration, because most people don’t really come into their own until their late twenties to mid-thirties.  Prior to that time the foundation is still somewhat wet, and pliable. 

Once an individual has reached a certain phase in life, dating based on potential becomes a less plausible option.  The older a person gets the more set in their ways they become, and the more likely it is that what you see -- is exactly what you’re going to get.  Not to say, that people don’t change or experience major growth (be it personal or professional) once they reach a certain age, but the likelihood of that happening [in a significant way] decreases with time.

As a seasoned woman, I’m open to compromising, and stepping out of my comfort zone for my man’s benefit; but I really don’t want to be that gray hair woman that’s working two jobs  because I’m still waiting on my man’s potential to bear some fruit.  I’ve accepted the fact that I may have to change an adult diaper or two, but I draw the line at using the benefits I get via my AARP membership to help make ends meet, while I wait for his potential to take flight. 

As we mature, having a mate that’s also mature, a mate that’s sure of who they are, and that has already somewhat settled in their life, becomes a bigger factor in the dating game than whether or not they have the “potential” to one day be those things.  Hell, I may not even be around to see that potential come to pass.  So with all due respect to Mr. Harper, dating “potential” is for the young folks.

FH: What are your thoughts on the topic?  What does dating potential look like?   Is it a practical dating strategy even after you get to a certain age?