It was brought to my attention that many of the blogs that appear on FH are not about successful relationships, or dating experiences that leave us smiling and anticipating the next one.  It would be great to have a plethora of stories that detail the splendor of our love, however in order to write those types of stories….we must begin to experience them.

In order to experience them, we must begin to rebuild the foundation that sustained and nurtured the relationships of previous generations.  That foundation consists of a firm commitment to our community & the Black Family as a whole.   

My theory is that the Black family became an endangered species with the birth of integration.  I know that many people might disagree with this dogma; however the facts speak for themselves. 

When we were Niggers (e.g., slaves), despite a systemic plan by the master to strip us of our identity and familial relationships, we maintained a strong grip on our family structure.  It wasn’t uncommon for a male slave that had been freed, to find work and save enough money to buy the freedom of his spouse and children.  I wonder how many modern day dudes would do that…versus moving on and starting anew.

 When we were Colored & Negro, we had to depend on the strength, love and the assistance of one another.  Our relationships remained strong and stood the winds of time; two-parent households were not an anomaly, and men & women worked together as partners to provide for their family, while still pursuing a slice of the American Dream.

So okay, we became Black….Black & Proud (fist in the air)!  Here’s where the unraveling of our foundation began in earnest.  Civil Rights, our vehicle for achieving racial equality and a level playing field, met its mission (in some ways) with the birth of Title VII, Affirmative Action, and a surfeit of civil rights laws designed to give us our 40 acres & a mule (which some of us are still waiting on), and greater access to the American Dream.  So we bought it…hook, line & sinker and became African American.  It was at this point that we began the full assimilation. Seeking to become more like “them” in hopes of having more of what “they” had.

As we moved further into this era, it was the first time in our collective history – that our (respective) survival was no longer interdependent upon one another.  The need for our communities and our families was diminished...or so we thought.  Women were now in the workplace doing their thing, buying their own bling, and espousing their independence to anyone who would listen.  Men stopped stepping up – some due to lack of knowledge  & positive male role models to demo the way; and some because they were allowed to bring-it half-ass by the folks in their lives…but I digress.

As African Americans, we began to see & herald the first of many firsts in our history, and to dominate the upper middle-class; acquiring much more “stuff” than our ancestors could have ever imagined. 

Sadly, it was also at this time that we began to find fault with one another in small ways…small ways that later burgeoned into obstacles to loving one another.  Our attempts at loving one another became littered with fear, greed, distrust and infidelity.   

 As Niggers we fought, worked and even died to keep our families & communities tight in spite of less than human living conditions.  As Colored & Negro folk, we worked together, played together, but most importantly we built communities and raised families together.  As Blacks we certainly talked the talk, and many still walked it. 

As African Americans...we’re proficient in self-love…just can’t seem to get right on that loving each other thing.  

This is my theory….what’s yours?

(Reference: http://family.jrank.org/pages/58/African-American-Families-Historical-Cultural-Influences-on-African-American-Family-Life.html#ixzz0TOe1j3VE