July 29th 2010
Still not happy
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by Blu-CNB on March 30, 2009, 9:42 pm in Divorce
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4 comments |
This is one that I just needed to get off of my chest before I went to sleep. As I sit here and sip on a brew, I can't help but think where I am 4 years after the fact and how dramatic both of our lives have changed. I advanced in my career, traveled to a different part of the world and seemed as if things were beginning to be ok. But the reality is that I gave up the closeness to my children, lost a good friend and had to go through lifes struggles, ie finances, court hearings and other things that have taken more of an emotional toll than the divorce itself.
See, I prayed for the person that I was married with, but that was all that I did. I didn't pray for the answers on how to keep her.What I thought was love by never being abusive physically, being a provider, and taking care of my responsibilities as a father was completely overshadow by what I didn't consider, the frame of mind. It's hard to be with someone that thinks nothing is wrong with them, but desires you to change and be a person you've never been. It's also amazing to see when that same person goes completely against the things they said would never do but continues to get upset and past judgment. I still love her. Being the mother of my children and a person that I gave a large portion of my life to, is hard to relinquish, yet I am findin my way. It also taught me to pray differently about what I want and how I want it.
Now I see that she is going through the same struggles that I did and it saddens me to know we didn't have to end up like this. I guess it is now being shown that I wasn't that bad of a guy after all and that we can still be the best of friends. I never wanted the divorce because I was in it for better or worst. Can't influence everyone.
See, I prayed for the person that I was married with, but that was all that I did. I didn't pray for the answers on how to keep her.What I thought was love by never being abusive physically, being a provider, and taking care of my responsibilities as a father was completely overshadow by what I didn't consider, the frame of mind. It's hard to be with someone that thinks nothing is wrong with them, but desires you to change and be a person you've never been. It's also amazing to see when that same person goes completely against the things they said would never do but continues to get upset and past judgment. I still love her. Being the mother of my children and a person that I gave a large portion of my life to, is hard to relinquish, yet I am findin my way. It also taught me to pray differently about what I want and how I want it.
Now I see that she is going through the same struggles that I did and it saddens me to know we didn't have to end up like this. I guess it is now being shown that I wasn't that bad of a guy after all and that we can still be the best of friends. I never wanted the divorce because I was in it for better or worst. Can't influence everyone.
Join the conversation, add your comment4 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On March 30, 2009, 10:34 pm BEASTFRMVA says:
Aint that the story of life...But it is a good thing that you can keep the relationship positive...because so many people have so much trouble doing that when in the relationships much less out of them!
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On March 31, 2009, 7:53 am MsMatt says:
Trust me, no one wants divorce. It's a horrible thing to have to endure. All we can do is continue to push our way through and be comforted by the fact that we will emerge better people.
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On March 31, 2009, 8:27 am Dashon says:
Amen to MsMatt's comments...take the lessons & leave the baggage.
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On April 1, 2009, 1:40 pm girlygirl33 says:
Amen to everyone's comments. Divorce is hard (no matter what side you are on) but the baggage will keep you from truly enjoying your life (be it single or otherwise....).
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