September 8th 2010
You Ever Wonder What Happened to Him/Her?
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by TMurray on June 1, 2010, 11:29 pm in The Breakup / The Ex
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16 comments |
Some will tell you, "There's no sense living in the past." Others will say "Let sleeping dogs lie." But sometimes, just sometimes you want to know what happened to a woman or a man from your past. Perhaps she was your girlfriend in high school or he was your elementary school crush. You drifted apart during the years and a decade or so later you find yourself typing their name into the Facebook search engine.
I tend to think there is nothing wrong with fond memories and dabbling in past acquaintances, but I would never advise dwelling there. Quench your thirst for curiosity and send that message or respond to the one you received from the flashback friend.
I did just that. Last week a guy I had the biggest crush on in elementary school sent a message to me and I decided to respond. It's been almost 15 years since we last saw each other. Life has gone on. Things have changed in our lives, but at the core we are still those two kids stealing a kiss in the backyard. As euphoric as these thoughts are I have no illusions and neither should you when reuniting with a blast from the past. Reconnecting doesn't mean you are about to get swept off your feet or have some romantic interlude. It may just mean you simply reopen a door that was closed.
Now I've heard of people who get divorced in their 40s and then get back with a teenage love or a lifelong friend. I don't think that this means that a mistake was made in choosing the first mate, but rather feel it's a matter of timing. Timing on where we are in our lives and who fits at that moment.
I'd say when dealing with someone special you haven't seen in years:
1. Take it slow. There's no need to rush. If it's been years, what's a few moments more to get to know each other at this stage?
2. Don't expect the person to be exactly as you left them. Their immaturity may have been shed and the high strung attitude might have shifted to drama free.
3. Be open, but not an open book. With old flames from our youth it's easy to fall back into a sense of security and find yourself sharing too much too fast. Catch up, but give a synopsis not a play by play on the last decade.
4. Be prepared for the flash in the pan. Sometimes just the novelty of "finding out what happened to him/her" is enough, and after that you are no longer enamored with the person.
As for me I am sticking to my own advice on this one. The excitement is there and I'm going with the flow. I might even entertain catching up in person, but curiosity won't kill this cat.
Have you ever wondered what happened to him/her?
Did you find out?
What was the outcome?
I tend to think there is nothing wrong with fond memories and dabbling in past acquaintances, but I would never advise dwelling there. Quench your thirst for curiosity and send that message or respond to the one you received from the flashback friend.
I did just that. Last week a guy I had the biggest crush on in elementary school sent a message to me and I decided to respond. It's been almost 15 years since we last saw each other. Life has gone on. Things have changed in our lives, but at the core we are still those two kids stealing a kiss in the backyard. As euphoric as these thoughts are I have no illusions and neither should you when reuniting with a blast from the past. Reconnecting doesn't mean you are about to get swept off your feet or have some romantic interlude. It may just mean you simply reopen a door that was closed.
Now I've heard of people who get divorced in their 40s and then get back with a teenage love or a lifelong friend. I don't think that this means that a mistake was made in choosing the first mate, but rather feel it's a matter of timing. Timing on where we are in our lives and who fits at that moment.
I'd say when dealing with someone special you haven't seen in years:
1. Take it slow. There's no need to rush. If it's been years, what's a few moments more to get to know each other at this stage?
2. Don't expect the person to be exactly as you left them. Their immaturity may have been shed and the high strung attitude might have shifted to drama free.
3. Be open, but not an open book. With old flames from our youth it's easy to fall back into a sense of security and find yourself sharing too much too fast. Catch up, but give a synopsis not a play by play on the last decade.
4. Be prepared for the flash in the pan. Sometimes just the novelty of "finding out what happened to him/her" is enough, and after that you are no longer enamored with the person.
As for me I am sticking to my own advice on this one. The excitement is there and I'm going with the flow. I might even entertain catching up in person, but curiosity won't kill this cat.
Have you ever wondered what happened to him/her?
Did you find out?
What was the outcome?
Join the conversation, add your comment16 MEMBER COMMENT(S)
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On June 7, 2010, 7:54 am Wood says:
Sure I do, but not of any romantic curiosities, but more of wondering what has happen to a a few old friends, especially a few high schools classmates. There is this one special friend I had from H.S. Both of us went to college, and during our freshman year, we were pretty close friends and share alot of personal lives with each other, but it never reached a romantic stage. One semester she was in school, and the next one, she was not. I remember how she would wait for me after class and we would take a ride to the lake and watch the fish jump out of the water as we talk and listen to music. It was a special friendship bond that I enjoy during those times. She was a super dark and very pretty sista who had a sweet disposition. I heard that she joined the military from old HS classmates. I thought about looking her up on Facebook.
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On June 7, 2010, 9:35 am Dashon says:
Earlier this year I reconnected (via FB) with an old boyfriend that I had not seen in over 20 years. He actually broke up with me -- over the phone.
He had a son living in another state, and informed me (did I say ova the phone?!?) that he was moving his son and his son's Mom to town, and that he had decided to marry her....next week! Needless to say I never spoke with him again....until he contacted me on FB. I met him for a drink out of curiosity, and I was glad to see that Father Time had not been that kind to him, as I sat there with a glazed look on my face, he talked about how miserable his life (with her was), and how she had cheated on him a few years back, and how he had messed up his career with a DUI, etc., etc. Awww, heavy sigh right?!? Anyway, since then he's been trying to convince me to spend time with him ever since...talking about how he messed up by choosing her over me, how I've grown sexier with time, and that he's never forgot me, and has kept up with my whereabouts, marriage, etc., via his job (a cop), etc. etc. Yeah whatever! As EnVouge would say...."Ya neva gonna get it!" LOL! |
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On June 8, 2010, 10:00 pm JustAThought says:
No amount of curiousity will make me look up a person from my past that I have lost contact with. If I didn't see fit to KIT (or vice versa), there is no need to try to reconnect.
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On June 9, 2010, 3:36 pm SoulonArt says:
I've have often been curious as to what became of past relations. And thanks to Facebook, I've been able to find closer to most of those answers. On one occasion I even reconnected romantically with someone from college after becoming friends on FB. You're right though, the familiarity often has you feel as if you're picking up where you left off, but you soon realize it's a new day.
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On June 9, 2010, 7:50 pm Perpetual says:
I must say...I've come across two wonders within the past three weeks. One I blogged about, the other was a man I turned away long ago. He was a musician that I was very very close to (ladies man), but shyed away from because I was NOT ready. He approached me outside of a grocery store two weeks ago (It's been 7-8 years)...I guess we both looked a little different cause I didn't recognize him at first. I've got a hair cut now and was rocking shades the day he approached me. When he strolled up and introduced himself, I played along with him. When he asked me my name, I stalled before I gasped it out...he froze for a moment and then asked me if I was over 21. I answered him before I walked away fast... long story short...he wasn't my type anymore. Everything I imagined him to be for so many years...faded. So NO...after the two scenario's I've faced within the past three weeks, I can honestly say I don't see myself questioning anything ever again. A memory is just a memory.
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On June 9, 2010, 7:57 pm TMurray says:
Thanks folks for the responses. It's cool to see everyone's flashback talk :)
@SunnyIslands It sounds like you got closure on your blast from the past. It also sounds like maybe you weren't too shocked by how it turned out - him going back to his ex. Is that true?@Wood - Did you look her up yet?@Dashon - another hillarious tale..LOL So you cut all ties after that, right?@JAT - Ok - so are you saying that you never lose touch with anyone? Maybe men, but just in general. Do you keep up with your friends/network such that there is never a gap or you never lose touch? @Soul - I think if we go into it remembering it's a new day, we'll be cool when the outcome is not reflective of past experience..LOL Easier said than done... @Perpetual..I've thought that before..that perhaps I'd had my michael jackson "remember the time" moment and that the video could be retired, but then it's that person you least expected (at least in my case) that pops up and I'm sipping intrigue again... My friend is supposed to be in town in the next couple of weeks. I'm mildly curious, but since my dancecart has occupants, I am not overly anxious. We shall see. Any advice for my mini "class" reunion? |
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On June 9, 2010, 11:21 pm IntroSpectiv says:
I met up (via Facebook) with a friend from high school that I hadn't talked to in the 10 years since she dumped me and then revealed to me that she was essentially talking to other dudes the whole time we were supposedly together. I rehashed the whole scenario in a blog on this site titled "Blast From The Past".
We still converse every now and then, but I let her know up front that I have not forgotten about what she did 10 years ago.....I think she might want to take things to a higher level (mind you, we never got to that 'level' back in HS) but me being in Korea and overall simply not trusting women won't allow for it at this point in my life. |
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On June 21, 2010, 5:10 am Msgoodasgold says:
There was a guy that I was absolutely unconditionally in love with. There was a situation that happened and he had to leave town. Due to the type of job that he had he would have to come back into town for court dates and things like that. When he first had to leave I was caught by surprised and it took me a while after he initially left to pull it together. He was the first guy I had ever let myself totally go for. For a year or two after he left we would see each other and then after a while I lost contact.
Occasionally I would find myself wondering if he had finally walked away from his career, if he was ok, had he gotten married ect. I would search his name on the internet and actually found some things under his name, located in a city i ad heard he moved to. But I couldn't bring myself to contact him. In the back of my mind I wonder if he showed back up today what would my reaction be? At one point this man held my heart in his hand, would those feelings come back? |
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On June 21, 2010, 2:30 pm TMurray says:
@MsGoodasGold Your story is one of the reasons I wrote this blog. Sometimes they say let sleeping dogs lie or they will say curiosity killed the cat. But at the same time I wonder what could be behind door number 1..LOL I think you never know until you open it, but you have to be ready for what might be on the other side. There is a 50/50 chance of bliss or disappointment in my opinion. Let us know if you decide to reach out to him :) Do you know if he is still single?
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On June 21, 2010, 7:34 pm Wood says:
No, I didn't TM, but during a few of our high school reunion functions, I inquired with some mutual friends of ours, and she is supposedly living down in Charlotte.
As a matter of fact, I did locate one of my close HS partners whom I haven't seen since HS. We use to walk home or catch the bus from school every day. I knew he was down in Charlotte, so I looked him up on People Finders and came up with a hit. I knew his brothas and other information that came up. I went to the county of Mechlenburg real estate websight and looked him up. I went to his home and left a message on his door when I was down for the CIAA this year. He called, we got together and caught up on all the details of memories. |
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On June 21, 2010, 7:36 pm sunnyislands says:
@TMurray - No, I wasn't surprised he went back to his ex. It was more the way he acted that week. On Sunday, I was it. By Friday, she was back on the hot plate. I found that to be a very flaky move and was more than happy not to get involved with him. And yes, I got complete closure.
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On June 22, 2010, 10:52 am TMurray says:
@Wood - Thanks for sharing. Funny my "reconnect" lives in Charlotte also. Maybe that is where all the lost crushes go..LOL It is good to catch up with folks. I caught up with a high school friend a few weeks ago in Germany. Hadn't seen him in 15 years. It was cool. Caught up on all the memories..yeah I can identify with that. Would never have thought I'd catch up with him again half way around the world!
@sunnyislands I am glad you got the closure. Sometimes that is all we need an confirmation. I think it sounds like you knew what page he was on, but it is good to get all the "what ifs" out of your system. |
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On June 29, 2010, 11:52 pm TMurray says:
Update - well the flashback didn't last long at all LOL and I have since run into what I feel are kinks in his backstory..LOL So much for that. I think the spark of interest has now died down. Sometimes it's better to leave the past in the past. :)
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On July 13, 2010, 8:43 pm kmrurray says:
T Murray, you have spoken a lot of wisdom. I have reconnected with some friends and some I wish I would have never open that can of worms, but you live and learn.
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On July 28, 2010, 4:22 pm BEASTFRMVA says:
Facebook and myspace did that for me. I'm laughing and crying as some I am glad I lost track of and others I wish I had of held it down a little better...lol. I feel you though TMurray! Speaking of that where are all our old friends?!?!? Those were the days! I'm still mad you all left me to go to Water Country!
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There was a guy in college that I absolutely adored and had a huge crush for. We never made it to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage as he had a girlfriend but we had a nice cordial friendship.
Did you find out?
Sure did. Approximately seven years later or so I started thinking about him again wondering where he was, etc. I found a mailing address for him on the alumni website and sent him a card just to see how he was. I wasn't really expecting a response but he responded much to my surprise and very quickly.
What was the outcome?
He told me he was very happy to hear from me . We talked a couple of time and decided to meet for lunch and had a really nice time. He didn't look as overwhelming as he had before and I guess that was because I had dated a bit and had been exposed to more men just like him. He had recently come out of a relatiohsip which, by the way, was the same one from college. This should have been a warning to me but I was slow on this one. We continued to talk on the phone and decided we wanted to continue to see each other. Before he left on a trip to visit his Dad he made it very clear to me that he planned to pursue me and see where it led us. As he was returning home from his week long trip he called to let me know that he decided to try to make it work with his ex. He apologized for all that he had said to me. I wished him well and kept it moving.
It was funny to me because all those years, I thought I might have missed "the one". I am glad that I did find out what happened to him because he had been a nagging "what if" of mine for a long time. Putting him to rest allowed me to move forward with no doubts.